Okay, after my last blog about Christian metal core I got to thinking and could even hear people grumbling. I know that a lot of Christians may think that I’m a bad role model and you know what? I actually began to doubt myself. As soon as I wrote that blog I asked God; Are you sure you want me to do this? I’m a mess spiritually, I don’t exactly fit in with a lot of Christians and when you think of what a Christian should look and even talk like I’m not what people think of.” Then God said; “That’s exactly why I chose you.” I thought about that for a minute and then God began showing me the qualities I failed to see. Sure, I’m a mess but aren’t we all? I’ve been an atheist, flirted with Satanism yet here I am a soldier for God and all the good he represents. I was shrouded in darkness and just tired of running in circles and there are so many others out there just like me. Who better to reach out to them than me? It doesn’t mean that I know everything because I don’t. I know what it’s like to feel as if you’re just drifting along hoping for life to magically make sense. News flash, it never truly makes sense but God makes it all manageable.
A lot of Christians talk about their comfort zone and how they don’t want to offend anyone or step on anyone’s toes, but I don’t have a comfort zone so when I step on people’s toes with something I say I’m not trying to be mean or even offensive it’s just who I am. I also encourage others to think outside of what their religion is telling them. If it doesn’t sound or feel right then do your own study! Don’t cripple yourself spiritually by accepting something you have a problem doing or believing in. So many of our churches squash free thought and when you question what you’re supposed to believe they scold you. Why is that? To get where I am spiritually I allowed myself to study other religions, looked at all the things that they were saying and prayed about it,. I asked God to show me the truth and he did. Instead of being gullible and scared of thinking for myself I trusted in God and sought out the truth.
It’s true that I’m not the stereotypical Christian. I don’t hum Amazing Grace and I’m not stuffy. I don’t wear suits or even have the best posture in the world but God still chose me. I sometimes don’t understand it because there are others that God chooses that are more conventional, and more in line with what a typical Christian represents. Me, I like to think that even though I’m rough around the edges God still saw something in me that he could use and I’m humbled and thankful that he did.
I represent the scruffy people that are lost and in need of a light that only Jesus can provide. I don’t heal people and I don’t claim to hang out with Jesus every morning, but I when I need him he’s there and as I did some laundry and felt that I was the wrong guy to write these blogs he reassured me that I was in fact the right guy and I have without even knowing it reached someone who was looking for the truth and was lead to my one of my blogs. I’ll never understand exactly what God sees in me and to think that I spent so many years doubting him and even rejecting him here I am boldly proclaiming my love for God. I was listening to a song to today that spoke volumes about how I feel at this moment of my life. P.O.D.’s Alive has become an anthem for me and when I heard it today I actually got what that song is truly about and I can relate to that. I have been singing it all day. God rules!