Phantoms In The Mirror

I have made a decision. Probably the hardest decision I’ve made in quite some time. I decided that I am tired of being being angry and hateful toward my wife. I have been really really nasty to her and when I actually thought about it I began to see that sure I was angry at her but my anger not only affected her but also my twins. I lost my best friend and decided that in order to truly handle the separation maturely I needed some time to heal. I needed some time to resolve my issues of jealousy and bitterness which harms my kids. I am a good father yet a terrible husband at the same time my wife was a terrible wife at times. Would we be separated if we were awesome?

The plan as I saw it was to not call her or even contact her. You would think that it would be difficult because of the twins but I just text her and tell her that I’m calling the twins. I miss her but at the same we need space. If we are always talking and trying to be friends it drives us farther apart because I haven’t had time to truly process the fact that she doesn’t love me anymore. Seeing her and trying to be friendly really angers me because I am reminded that at one time we were the best of friends and she actually loved me.

All I’m doing is taking it one day at a time and maybe at some point I can pick up the phone and talk to her without thinking about who she’s seeing or what she’s doing. it’s none of my business and I want to be able to not be angry at her. I thought about therapy but instead I am relying on God which is what he truly wants from us. In him lies all of my courage and strength to make it through the day. I have been tempted to call my wife and see how she is but I figure the phone works both ways and if she wants to call she will. All I can do is work on me and allow the Lord to lead me wherever he wants me to go. I think by being more mature about this separation I can truly put it behind me and be happy with who I am and what I’ve accomplished so far as a person who is muddling through the best he can.

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One thought on “Phantoms In The Mirror

  1. Being angry at first is expected. As for her being your best friend I think that can happen again.

    Like you said just work on finding your inner peace and maybe then you can find where the Lord wants you. Don’t wait too long for the Lord to show you. He may be already doing that and you haven’t read His message yet. 🙂

    My neighbor is a volunteer “Rev” at nursing homes. He really enjoys it. He reads the Bible and sings with them.

    Maybe you can start by volunteering some time at food pantries or homeless shelters. They may need volunteers this time of year. You might meet up with where God wants you to be. Good luck and God Bless 0:)

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