As I write this I am separated and it’s looking like I’ll be able to add divorced to that statement as well. To steal a line from an old Faith No More song; It’s sad, it happens and it’s a shame. As I write this thousands of marriages are falling apart and please don’t ask me why because I have no idea. All I know is that in my situation it was a wake up call and quite honestly the best thing that has ever happened to me. For the first time in a long time I am relying on myself. I don’t have my wife taking care of me or the finances. It’s all on me and I am scared to death. Why lie
Have you ever prayed for something and when that prayer is finally answered you’re so consumed with your own self-pity and problems that you just don’t respond or react the way you should? God answered one of my prayers and yet I failed to respond the way I should have. Justin got saved and that has been something I have prayed about for a very long time but instead of rejoicing and nurturing his new-found faith I was too consumed with my own problems to help him. I was going through the motions of going to church and prayer but my heart just wasn’t in it. I wanted my wife and family back and that was my focus but I never thought about why God had allowed my marriage to end.
Last night I realized that I am so tired of denying God to have full control of my life. I was tired of worrying about everything and actually listened to Justin and prayed and truly gave God total control of everything. This time I wasn’t just saying it. I was full of conviction and a desire to see where God could lead me. I am truly tired of just going through the motions and am determined to guide Justin where he needs to go in his new-found faith. Justin getting saved was the wake up call I needed. For the first time ever in my Christian walk I have someone to help me and pray with me. God was sending me someone who will help strengthen me spiritually.
As I looked at Justin reading his Bible his words finally sunk in. You need God. You need to give everything to God and be a better father to not only him but the twins as well. Instead of trying to salvage my marriage I should just allow myself to rebuild my life and focus on what God has planned for me. Justin has truly lit a fire in me and I have already seen blessings rain down on me this morning. God has truly waken me up and I am determined to live my life basking in his light and being a true soldier for Jesus.