I am, I’m Me

Being cut off from the world isn’t as fun as you might imagine. When you’re separated there’s a lot of responsibility involved. The worst is thing that you’re no longer a part of a team which is at first rather nice but then you quit your job desperation starts to settle in a bit. One of the things I realized is that I took advantage of my wife a bit when we were married. Sure. I was there emotionally and tried to be as supportive of her as I could but I failed miserably when it came to supporting my family. I was warned several times that I should find a job but of course I didn’t. I figured she was working so I could take my time and pretend to look.

What ended up happening was that she lost respect for me. Instead of waiting for me to get a job she stopped loving me and met someone else. I tried to place the blame solely on her. She gave up, she didn’t love me enough, but it was a two way street. I didn’t love her enough or respect her enough to see that my not working was putting way too much stress on her. She grew tired of waiting for me to grow responsible. Due her loss of respect for me I can see that my marriage is truly over. There’s nothing I can do to make her want me again. That truly sucks but it is what it is. I figured I’d use this separation to prove everyone wrong. I would show them that I didn’t need my wife to support me and I could in fact survive on my own. That was the goal. I could get over my wife at some point but the main issue at hand was survival.

Once again I found myself without a job. I hear the collective groan as people start talking about the same patterns remerging. The lack of interest in getting a job. Now though it’s quite different. When my ex-wife started urging me to start looking for a job I was already prepared to do it. My bills were starting to pile in and I was feeling the pressure of not being able to support myself or my son. We were doing quite well but once we lost our cell phones we realized that something had to change. As a single man I no longer had the option to pick and choose a job. I knew that God would provide the job and he did, but I had to take charge and actually look. I couldn’t just sit around and do nothing, I also realized that I couldn’t be picky either. A job is in fact a job and as long as it pays the bills who cares what I do for a living. Maybe, just maybe my ex-wife would see that I did in fact deliver and found a job so she would once again respect me and see me as an equal.

In the movies I would find a job and my wife would come running back home wearing a sexy mini skirt brandishing a bag of Chinese take out. She would kiss me deeply and we would once again be a family unit. My job would save the day! This is real life people. In the real world my getting a job won’t win my wife back, my getting a job won’t make her love me again. Sadly she’s in love with someone else. That used to hurt a lot but now I guess I see it for what it is. He’s doing the one thing I couldn’t which is make her happy. I don’t ever see my wife coming home in a miniskirt, sexy lingerie or even wearing a bow which would be kind of hot. She no longer loves me and I there’s nothing I can do about it.

If anything having a job again helps me to regain my manhood. I lost that and didn’t even realize it until I was going out of my mind with boredom. I had all these hours that I used to fill with my family. I had this hot ex-wife, adorable kids and now I have all these hours to fill and no money to fill it with. Do you realize how many crappy movies I’ve sat through? Do you realize how many Alice Cooper cd’s I’ve listened to? All of them even the crappy new wave ones he did that he doesn’t remember recording. Instead of wondering what my ex-wife and new boyfriend were doing I was wondering when I was going to get out of the house. I don’t even have enough money to buy model airplanes, or jigsaw puzzles. I wasn’t showering and was starting to eat a lot. When you’re bored you find that eating becomes something to kill the time.

Once they cut off my cell phone I began to realize that I had to man up. Take charge. Forget about the hot ex-wife and do what I’m supposed to do and that’s work. Pay the bills, find a new hot girlfriend who will occasionally come over brandishing a bag of Chinese takeout. Maybe even see a movie with my son. Have a night out. No more wasting away the hours in front of the television. I am going nuts! I am tried of being in the man cave. At this point I would love to go to Wal-Mart and just watch the crazy people. Am I the only one that enjoys that? It doesn’t even have to be Wal-mart. Any store will do. Just take an afternoon and go to any store and you’ll be amazed at how many crazy people are out there. Parents beating their kids, domestic arguments, and even the occasional clean up in aisle five due an elderly person knocking things off shelves with her little scooter.

The saddest part of this blog is that soon I’ll have a job and the a new job I would love to take my ex-wife out. Not on a romantic date mind you but an evening out in which I actually pay for dinner and just spend an evening hearing her talk and laugh. You have no idea how long it’s been since I was the one paying for dinner. I won’t even talk, in fact I would just spend the entire evening listening to her talk and afterward I would bid her a good night without a kiss. She would go back to her boyfriend and I would return to the man cave thrilled that I was able to spend an evening with such a captivating woman. We all need to spend an evening with an amazing woman. A woman who is not only beautiful but charming, and has the ability to make you stop breathing when she looks into your eyes. A woman like that is rare so when you find her hold onto her and don’t let go.


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