Rachel Ray I Am Not

I thought I was going to stop blogging for a while but life is funny. Life is even more amusing when you’re separated. Case in point, I was supposed to go to a birthday party but couldn’t go because I had the twins so I decided to invite a woman, and her kids  over for dinner next Saturday. Don’t get all excited because it’s just dinner. Problem is what do chicks eat? I’ve texted her hoping to get some clue but so far I am totally in the dark. It wouldn’t be bad if it was just her but it’s also her kids so it makes it easier. Kids are easier to cook for. They will eat anything that isn’t nailed down and if you slapped some ketchup on cardboard I’m pretty sure they’ll eat that too.

I haven’t totally screwed the pooch on this because I really can cook. Problem is that I’m a single guy now so I have no real food to cook for a woman. I can throw a pizza or a two-pound Encore Family meal in the oven but I can do better I just choose not too. That brings me to the other dilemma. Actually buying a meal that requires thought and dedication. That’s not bad really because as I mentioned I can cook but it’s such a pain in the neck. I don’t have matching plates and I have no clue where all my towels went. I think I have a towel eating gnome somewhere in my house. Thankfully this isn’t a romantic dinner because I would be throwing up all over my keyboard. Not from nerves mind you, just the stupidity of allowing myself to allow my ex-wife  to have the satisfaction of knowing that she was right.

I went to bed last night and did what I always do. Forgot about it. I am good at avoiding things and pretending as if they don’t exist. My current philosophy is it is what it is. If she comes over great if not I can spend my evening on the couch playing some Gamecube. I’m a single dude now so I got single guy stuff to do. I got a house to not clean, movies to watch and if I’m up for it I’ll take a nap. Women aren’t important to me. This dinner is something I can avoid until Saturday morning at the latest. I can pull this off and put it off until then.

This morning my goal was shop for groceries. I noticed that when it comes to shopping you can’t beat Aldi’s or Save-Alot. I have become quite the shopper and yes I do recycle my bags. The ten cents you spend on bags adds up and you can never find enough boxes. I’ve tried. It’s nearly impossible. I had a mission to shop and this was for guy food. As I walked into the store I had an idea. It was a crazy idea mind you but one that almost caused me to fall to the floor in horror.

I should cook. Really start cooking. Why deny my talents. Instead of buying meals that are already cooked actually create meal ideas. Call it either the greatest or worst idea I have ever had. With a new job looming on the horizon why not change the man cave a little? If I can cook why not do it? So I walked through the store with a purpose.  I bought some really odd stuff because I could. I actually bought fresh salmon and I have no idea why other than I wanted to try it. I have no idea how to cook it or what I’m gonna cook with it but I bought it anyway.

What made this so fun was how unpredictable it all was. Buying shrimp stir fry and egg rolls as a project that my son and I can do together.  I thought while I was at it make some chicken Alfredo one night and bought some garlic bread to go with it. I am a single guy and that will never change but why be lazy? I can cook my ass off and sure I may not be in the same category as Martha Stewart or that sexy Rachel Ray but why try to pretend I am? Would Martha or Rachel putter around the kitchen listening to Christian Black Metal? Probably not, but I will.

I have the one secret weapon, wait, there’s maybe two. no three secret weapons that I have. I can cook, I can do laundry and if the mood strikes I can be romantic. Does that make me a bit of a wuss? Nah, if anything it makes me a better, well-rounded man who doesn’t need a woman to take care of him. I am doing just fine on my own and if I invite a woman over for dinner she won’t have to be afraid that I’m going to burn down my house. Women like dudes that can cook, and take care of themselves. The assumption is that just because my wife is gone I’m somehow going to crawl under a table blubbering because the world is just  a tad mean and cold.

I don’t even know how long this new idea will last but I’m looking forward to it because it’s another new phase of my life. The longer I’m single the more I evolve as an entity. I have my own patterns and routines that I’ve developed. I like things a certain way and if people don’t like it well there’s the door. It took awhile before I became comfortable with being single, so comfortable that I wear it as a badge of honor because I earned it. Despite those who thought I wouldn’t make it I say ha! Now if you’ll excuse me I have a job interview to prepare for and some cookies to throw in the oven.


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