We all have issues

You ever take a personal inventory of yourself? I’m not talking the easy one. You wake up, look at yourself in the morning point at your reflection and say; “Dude, you’re awesome.” Am I the only one who does this? I guess there are people who pick themselves apart and focus on the things that they either want to change or even suck at but I say life’s too short. People tell me I have all these great qualities yet I never sit in my favorite chair nursing my coffee and think about things that make me awesome. I just say I am because if I don’t the day goes all downhill.

When my wife threw me out I didn’t feel awesome. I actually felt like a huge failure yet at the same time I knew I couldn’t sit around and dwell on the why my marriage failed. I knew why so from there I just thought about how I can fix it. How exactly was I going to change? Well, like a lot of people I could think about it and suffer from the why me syndrome or I could actually make changes. Some of those changes were done out of necessity. It was a case of if I don’t do these things who will? The answer is no one and when you have your cup of coffee and you think about how you can make these changes without any intention of actually changing then why bother thinking about it?

If I was ever going to date I had to fix me. No therapist in the world was going to pick apart my brain because I didn’t need my brain picked. I knew what the problems were so instead of pointing fingers I accepted and moved on. The hardest thing was taking responsibility for myself. I was the boss. I was now responsible for everything and if I ever planned on dating again I would have to change my attitude a bit and not be so lazy. I’m talking about lazy with everything. My time, my attention everything.

My biggest challenge was more biblical and when I thought about myself and what I needed to really work on I was like; “There’s no way!” I need to work on grace, humility and above all else forgiveness. Those three things are truly my stumbling blocks and it’s something I struggle with everyday. I’ve adapted quite well to being single and I like being able to do what I want all the time but my attitude toward relationships in general make me come off as some kind of arrogant jerk. Do I meant to sound like that? Of course not. It just comes out that way due to those three things I need to work on.

When we were asked at work to list our strengths and weaknesses. I was baffled because I have never actually thought about that kind of thing. When I did my strengths my weaknesses all came back to grace, humility, and forgiveness. How exactly do you change that about yourself? It’s a process and I realized that it all started with one person. If I could show her those three things only then would I be ready to date. The humility is all on me but the other two start with her. If I can show her those two then maybe I can date.

Being single is awesome but I think I have to stop referring to it as awesome because women don’t like to hear or read things like that. When they do they see commitment issues and I got no problem committing as long as I don’t feel pressured or rushed. I just need to embrace my inner dude for a while and then maybe when I meet that hot nerd that I’m looking for then I’ll talk about having a girlfriend but until then I don’t care about women and won’t date because I need to have some dude time.

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