It’s quite interesting to be me right now. I get a ton of advice yet a lot of it doesn’t make any sense. I’m sure these people mean well but until they step inside my skin and peek inside my brain they have no clue what I need or what direction I should head off in.
Instead of allowing myself to shrivel up and die I’ve decided to live the only way I know how and that really bugs the piss out of people. Maybe they expected a different course or something. I have no idea.
The thing I’ve noticed is that a lot of people have said that I’ve changed a bit. Really? My son caught my house on fire, I lost everything, and he’s in jaii. I apologize if I’m a tad darker than usual or a bit lost, but what do people expect?
If I go out with friends and drink some people are baffled and even afraid that I’ve somehow lost who I am and I’m sure there are even those who don’t like who I am now. I get lectures and words of wisdom that ring hollow.
When I hang out with my ex-wife people just assume that we’re going to end up dating. No matter how many times I explain it they still don’t get it and won’t so I gave up explaining. I just want the advice to stop. I just want one day where I can talk to my ex-wife without people assuming the worst.
Most of all I just want my normal life back. The simple mundane shit I used to do before my life was torn assunder. Will people ever accept that I’m never going to be the same person I was a month ago? Probably not but I can’t be angry at them. They’re worried and afraid that I’m making some larger mistake by choosing the path I’m on now.
I’ll never be the same person I once was. I can’t find that person but I appreciate the concern. All I can say is that I’m here. This broken vessel you see standing before you is me. I wake up some mornings and wish this were all a nightmare and I’m going to wake up in my own bed, and in my own house but I don’t and I hate feeling that I’ll never heal. Maybe I will, but I doubt it.
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