Out of the woodwork

     Is it me or there more homeless people with signs? Everywhere I look I see some dude holding a sign that reads homeless will work for food. Where did he get the ink to write that? If he were really that broke wouldn’t he have invested that money in a sandwich instead of a pen? It would make more sense wouldn’t it? The way the economy is I’m half tempted to beat his ass and take his sign. Shit I’ll work for food and if the money’s right I’ll even dance sexy.

     I’m waiting for the crackheads to come up with signs. Will suck dick for rock, or maybe a little booth to sell all the shit they stole from everyone else. I could use a new DVD player and crackheads sell them cheap. You never see crackheads though. They’re like vampires. The sun fucks ’em up. You can stand in the sun juggling rocks and they just won’t come out.

     Are we still having a war on drugs? How’s that working out? Are we still losing? I think now it’s a war on cigarettes. Shit, you smoke a cigarette anywhere these days you’re treated like a sex crazed drug addict. Aren’t drugs worse though? Has anyone actually died from a nicotine overdose? Didn’t think so. I bet your neighbor has a good Xanax addiction though and unlike her I don’t have to worry about robbing anyone to get a fix.

     You have all these people abusing prescription drugs and booze yet I’m an asshole for smoking. Hey, fuck you. Who would you rather drive with; a person falling down drunk or a smoker? It’s a no brainer isn’t it. If you don’t like my smoke then fucking walk you nerdy bitch. Maybe that falling down drunk person will run you over for being a pussy.

     I get that there’s shit in cigarettes that may kill me. I use may because there’s a pretty good chance I’ll die from something else. It’s a crap shoot isn’t it? I may get cancer but I may also get hit by a bus. A falling piano could hit me, I could fall getting out of the shower. I’ll come back as a ghost and I’ll leave an EVP that says; “It wasn’t the cigarettes fucker.”

      People that drink and bitch about smokers should have a beer bottle wedged in their ass. Talk about hypocrites. These bastards drive everywhere shit faced drunk and have the balls to tell me not to smoke? I’ll tell you what pal, stop drinking and I’ll stop smoking. Sound like a fair deal? Didn’t think so. If you have kids and drink in front of them guess what? You’re a loser. You should be ashamed of yourself.

     I noticed that the Democrats are out in full swing. They’re officially now more annoying than Jehova’s Witnesses. I swear they’re knocking on doors declaring that Obama loves us. I realize that Ohio’s a battleground state but come on people. I have a news flash for you Republican folks; Romney’s an asshole and we Ohioians are voting Obama. Mystery solved Fox News can now stop their right wing propoganda.

     As a Democrat I have to say that we can really stop blaming Obama for everything going wrong. My neigbour ran into a tree and I swear she said; “Fuck Obama. This is his goddamn fault.” Can we please stop this bullshit? It was that retarded cowboy fellow that got us into this mess so even a Republican would be having a really tough time right now.

     Let’s be honest here for a second can we? Anyone else following that retarded cowboy fellow would have threw up his hands after a month and quit. “Fuck it, it’s broke I can’t fix it.” If we would vote a straight Democratic ticket we would be way better off. I love the fact that Romney is hated by people in his own party. It makes me giddy.

     Obama’s way cooler than Romney. When Obama speaks you listen. Compared to Obama Romney looks like a special kid that placed third in the special Olympics. What kind of sick bastard cuts government funding to PBS? Obviously Romney can’t tell us how to get to Sesame Street.

     Damn, shoulda put a disclaimer on this blog. Have I reached yet another group of people that I’ve offended? I’m losing count. Maybe you people should keep count. I give up. It’s a good thing I don’t have a lot of readers or else I’d have a shit load of negative comments that I can laugh at. Sticks and stones may break my bones but I broke your mother’s back while fucking her watching Fox News.

     Do you think getting laid will mellow me out a little? Doubtful. I think I may need therapy. Maybe I could pop some Xanax and watch Here Comes Honey Boo Boo. That’ll correct the problem. Dope me up and prop me up on the couch. Has anyone seen that show? Fuckin’ hell it’s awful. I tried to watch it and my IQ dropped.

     So now that I’ve ranted a bit I can go to sleep and dream that Democrats has all the power. It’d be such a happy place. No more Fox News, Glenn Beck would be a homeless guy begging for spare change on a highway off ramp somehere. It’d be a place where jobs were plentiful and no child would be left behind.


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