Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo

     I figured I may as well as adress those people who find my last blog a little hard to take. These are the ones that are saying if a girl likes you she wouldn’t care that you’re not working because she really cares about you. I’m assuming you people have never had a girlfriend and live with your parents so kindly sit down. Wait, you there with your hand raised. I hear ya, and when I say girlfriend I mean a real one. The chick you’re talking to on the internet doesn’t count because she’s a dude and you’re never going to meet her. Shhhhh, stop crying, we all make mistakes.

     The reality is that if you can’t take a woman out on a date why the fuck are you wasting her time? In my situation it’s different. I hear the nerd guild asking why and I got this. I was in fact working and struggling and through one really fucked up course of events I lost my house. I was working and then just when ya think it couldn’t get any worse it actually did.

     If a woman says it’s ok I’ll support us you’ve been warned. Those words don’t mean forever. Just a couple of weeks or a month tops but any longer than that and you’re out on your ass. Don’t ever ever assume a girl doesn’t care about money because they do. They may not require a lot of money but at least enough to show her a good time once in awhile.

     If I’ve learned anything about women it’s this, they want to be your girlfriend not your mother. Those who assume that women want to have total control are only half right. A woman wants to be control of your dick and what you do when your around her. Your balls are in a jar under the sink for a reason so get used to it.
     Why the fuck is cyber sex called cyber sex anyway? In order for it to be qualified as sex there should be some kind of interaction right? Penetration, or something. Let’s at least be honest and call it what it is. Jerking off in front of your computer while reading. Shit, only a loser would masterbate to words. The same with sexting. Your jerking off while holding a cell phone.

     There’s no intimacy involved. While your jerking off to your cell or computer the other party could be eating a ham sandwich or playing Halo. You can’t fake phone sex. Wait, yeah you can. Guilty. Been there and sadly I’ve done that, but haven’t we all? Seriously think about it for a second. We have no idea what the hell the other party is doing while we’re on the other end. She could be painting her nails or playing solitaire while we think what we’re saying is really fucking hot.

     I don’t think chicks enjoy hearing; “I wanna smack your tits around.” I know I wouldn’t. What the hell is it with chicks who ruin it by saying; “You want me to touch it?”. Isn’t it obvious? We’re men. We always want you touch it, graze it, poke it. Hell, just breath on it.

     Since we’ve already hit a new low in my blog let’s be honest as men and say that we love it when chicks talk nasty to us. Some women though take it too far. “I want you to punch me in the face and cum on my tits” isn’t sexy at all and sure, we’d consider it but we’d feel horrible after we dotted your eye. If you date a chick that doesn’t swear a whole lot it’s extremely hot to hear her swear when you’re banging her.

     One thing I never understood is why women feel compelled to stick a finger in our ass during sex. It’s offensive and a mood killer. Unless we give you permission to do that please refrain from inserting anything in our ass. It’s just wrong. Dudes should pay attention to that too. We can’t assume anything and just surprising her with it could end a relationship.

     Buttercup has just informed me that I’ve broken some kind of blog rule. Even if it’s in a joking manner you should never ever write about sex because some people just do it to procreate. I find that hard to believe. If anyone has ever seen a naked woman odds are it ain’t to have kids. Even the nerds who’ve jerked off to Mythbusters know what I’m talking about.

     There’s something amazing about the female body. I have seen a lot of women naked and it never gets old. Once a women gets naked I turn into Dora The Explorer. I bring out Back Pack and hear The Map yelling out the directions to Sexy Forest. No dude wants to have sex just to have kids. It’s bullshit. We turn into Genghis Khan during sex. We want to conquer and own it.

     Here’s the truth ladies. Even if we’re in a commited relationship and adore the woman we’re with we see another woman we immediately wonder what she looks like naked. This is going to cause a lot of issues with women but it’s true. We may not want to fuck them we just wonder what they look like naked. I have turned this off and have been able to walk around and not wonder about it but occasionally it just kicks in. There’s no reason for it it just happens.

     I wonder how many women read this blog? I know of three but I wonder how many more there are? I always assumed that more men read my blog than women but who knows for sure. I’m sure I’ve just lost a chunk of them after this blog. Bye ladies, thanks for reading. After so many negative posts I just wanted to write about stuff I think about. I don’t see what the big deal is.

     Is this blog offensive? I guess it could be if you don’t have a sense of humour or have never had sex or had a girlfriend. Shit, we’ve all done shit that would make our mothers cry. Once I thought I broke my dick, but instead of pulling out I kept on going because I’m a man. A broken dick won’t stop me.

      Has anyone else ever come close to breaking your dick while fucking? You think getting kicked in the nuts hurt try bending or ramming your dick into something that isn’t an opening. You can fuck and cry at the same time. That’s it, I’m wrapping this up because I’m assuming that instead of my stats growing they’re actually shrinking. I’ve just reached an even lower low even for me. 


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8 thoughts on “Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo

  1. This blog is not offensive. I was expecting something more. As for the finger in your ass thing you told me the last time a woman put her finger in your ass you…*Censored..! So now I am confused.

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