You always hear people talk about being someone else in a past life. Due to karma people assume that in a past life they must’ve been a real asshole. Makes sense if you think about it. If there is a karma wheel there should be some people that deserve a karmic ass whipping. If we’re reincarnated to live a life of misery and bad luck it just goes to show that reincarnation sucks.
The older I get the more I realize that in a past life I must’ve been an alien. I have never followed the herd and conformed. It was always unthinkable. I never wanted to fit in and always felt more comfortable observing others. Human behavior has always confuzzled me and no matter how much I try and understand people the less I know.
People go out of there way to be accepted and loved to the point where they compromise who they are. Why do people do that? If you’re comfortable with who you are does it matter what others think? I have never been bothered by what others say about me and assumed that once you reach a certain age it shouldn’t matter but to a lot of people it does. I’m not talking about anyone just making an observation.
I’ve always felt that I didn’t fit in anywhere. I’m sure I could’ve I just chose not too. It was easier to not compromise and made me feel good to know that I could make friends on my own terms. I didn’t compromise who I was to follow the sheep. I was a leader damn it and if others couldn’t accept it well it was their loss.
I tried to play kick ball once. It was a disaster because I hate sports. They aren’t all that fun but I figured what the hell. If it would get them to shut the hell up I’d play. I was in the outfield and saw the ball sailing toward me. It looked a tad low but I figured I could catch it. The ball hit me right in the nuts. I recovered, picked up the ball and nailed the kid that hit me in the face and promptly replied; “Fuck you, fuck this ball, and fuck kick ball.” I never played kick ball again.
I was once kicked in the nuts by a girl wearing high heel shoes. It was my own damn fault. If I had been thinking properly I would have refrained from calling her a bitch but sometimes I don’t think things through and I pay dearly for it. Let me break this down for women. When you kick a dude in the nuts we feel it in our stomachs. Our legs go out and we have no choice but to cry because the pain will fade, come back and then just roll away kind of like the ocean at high tide.
Will I ever call a woman a bitch again? Yep, I never said I was smart. I’ve elevated a bit though. Calling some women bitches is a compliment. You really want to piss a woman off call her a cunt. Once you call her a cunt all sorts of interesting things happen. If I told you what these things were it would ruin the surprise. Next time you find yourself in a verbal battle with a woman just call her a stupid, or a fucking cunt.
While I’m strolling down memory pain let me mention one of the freakiest things that ever happened to me. I was dating this girl and we were kissing and I decided to open my eyes for a second and the bitch was staring at me! I almost screamed. She was not only staring at me but blinking as well. You can’t really acknowledge how creepy that is. There’s no words that adequately describe just how fucked up that feeling is.
I end up having sex with this girl. Please don’t ask me why. My dick and I talked about it and thought it’d be a good idea. She was DTF so my dick and I figured why the hell not. Forget the fact that this was the same girl that was staring at me while my tongue was in her mouth and creeped me out because this was sex damn it.
As we’re matress dancing I notice something right off that really fucked me up. She wasn’t doing anything. No noise, no movement nothing. It was like fucking a corpse. Of course I should’ve stopped but my ego and manhood were at stake so I just improvised and nailed her as hard as possible. Still nothing. Normal women would’ve have yelped in agony because I was balls deep and doing everything I could to get a response. I got nothing. I did what any man would do. I finished.
A couple months go by and I see her again. At this point after the open eye kiss and the dead fuck you’d I would learn my lesson. Not so much. I banged her again hoping that this time I would make her eyes roll back in her head or at least speak in tongues but I was wrong. Even on top she was rather boring and corpse like. Gave me quite a complex and for years I was convinced that I sucked but then I realized it was all her fault.
That bitch gave me a mission. That’s why I have that genghis Khan mentality when it comes to sex. That one girl so many years ago got in my head. If I ever see that bitch again I will destroy her. I will not only have her speaking in tongues but when I’m through with her she will call me God. I will have a new nickname. The Pussyslayer.
When I’m through they will write songs about me. I’ll make sure that when I’m through with her she’ll be calling me everynight for a late night booty call. Sadly, I don’t know where she is or what she’s doing. She’s probably somone elses dead fuck and besides I can’t have revenge sex. My girl would be less than thrilled to know that there’s a girl I need to bang just to satisfy my ego.
I never understood the concept of love. I’ve felt it but I’ve never understood why some people just can’t be alone. When my wife and I split up not once did I ever think about jumping into a relationship just because I hated the idea of being alone. I liked it. I needed to repair the damage and see who I was before I started seeing someone else.
There are some people who want to be with someone they love yet can’t so they end up with someone they loath and think that at some point they’re going to fall in love. You can’t make yourself fall in love. It’s not possible. If you’re settling just because you feel as if you need to feel needed or wanted that’s not love. It’s more wishful thinking than anything.
I could never pretend to want to be with someone to fill a void or to save myself from being alone. When I’m involved with someone there’s a connection or a spark. I can’t fake it and if I try I always feel trapped and lash out. I can survive on my own but thankfully I finally found someone that I can be myself around and forget that my life doesn’t make sense because the moment I see her it suddenly does.
I could never settle just to save myself from being alone. It’s not fair to the other person. What happens after a month or a year and you still aren’t in love? Is it still possible to fake it? I have never been in that situation so I don’t know. I have dated just to try and forget someone and that never worked. Once you see her you know that she’s who you really want so you can only bullshit yourself for so long.
Those realtionships never work because they aren’t who you want. No matter how many women you date you always find yourself thinking about the woman you told yourself you can’t have. So who knows maybe when you settle the same thing happens. You think about the person you truly want but can’t have because you settled.
I never thought I’d get the girl I truly wanted to be with. I was convinced that it’d never happen but I have her and no matter how many women I dated it always came back to her. She was the one I was crazy about. If I had settled I would have missed out on being with the most amazing woman I have ever known. Even she does say I babble and have no good behavior I know that there’s no one else I’d rather be with.
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