Ground Control To Major Tom

     Well I did it. After being reminded that yesterday was Saturday and my time was rapidly winding down I actually finished my list. Granted I finished it at three in the morning under a great deal of stress but damn it I finished it. What really confuzzled me was that my girl doesn’t have a list of unacceptable behaviour she has volumes. Am I really that bad?

     Granted I sometimes think before speaking and may do things that seem a bit abnormal but come on volumes? I’ll admit I’m a bit rough around the edges but that’s just who I am. I’m crude and often vulgar but I can control it. At least I think I can. I don’t run up to strange women and yell; “Show me your tits!” or whip out my dick in the middle of dinner. That’s just too easy.

     I’m way more imaginative than that. Will I put my dick in a box and give it to my girl on birthdays and holidays? Hell yeah I would. That’s an awesome gift idea that women can’t pull off. Who ever heard of titties in a box? It wouldn’t work. If a box isn’t available I may just put a bow on it.

     I can see why she has volumes now and I can refrain from doing things that may be unacceptable and downright juvenile. It’s all about will power and the desire to be socially conscious. When I’m out in public I’ll try and be civilized. If I hear a baby crying I won’t say I’m going to kill that fucking baby or ask if anyone has a muzzle.

     The key word here is try. If I try really hard I can even bring this blog back to where it was. I won’t talk about my dick or sex. I happen to think of myself as the Lone Ranger which would make my dick Tonto. Women though aren’t like men. They don’t have the same relationship that men do with their dicks. Do women actually name their vagina’s?

      What kind of name would suit a vagina? I got Muffy or maybe Smoochie but it seems silly to name a vagina. I haven’t even attempted to name a vagina. Seems a tad silly doesn’t it? Any dude that names his girl’s vagina is far more fucked up than I am.

Back to the original point which was the list. I found it quite difficult but I was determined to prove my girl wrong. In every relationship we all have moments where your girl will say you can’t do something and the obvious answer is well why the hell not? We’re men we don’t understand no. No is unacceptable.

As I stared at this blank piece of paper I realized that I may have screwed the pooch on this one. All I kept hearing was her voice in my head. You got nothing monkey. She was right. It’s all her fault for being so damn awesome. If she snorted when she laughed or maybe had a nervous habit of farting during sex it would make the list easier.

My girl is hot and perfect so how the hell am I supposed to create a list? I have volumes and I can’t think of a single fucking thing. Of all the girls I have ever dated there was tons of shit I could write but now? I got nothin’. It’s not fair. As I thought about it I did realize that I could really use this list to my advantage.

Being a dude I thought ya know this could really work out well but then I realized I’d get smacked upside my bald head if I even tried to create a list that was goofy. I needed to put aside my juvile nature and create a list that would earn me some serious points and make her smile.

Despite how some of my blogs are written I can be romantic. I can joke about sex but that’s all they are. They’re jokes. If you read some of my blogs you would assume that I’m a bumbling sexual neanderthal waving his dick about. Not true at all.

While it’s true I may not understand women and will willingly admit that I don’t I do listen when they speak. I do like sex and who doesn’t? There’s nothing sexier than a naked woman. I’m thinking of one I’d love to see nekkid right now. She knows who she is and come Thursday she better bring her sexy ass over here.

Women reading this may assume I have no couth and they’re wrong. So what if I do the Buffalo Bill dance and put my dick in a box does that mean I don’t have qualities that aren’t redeemable? I think my girl would say I’m not a bumbling neanderthal most of the time.

My list was rather easy once I got serious and tried to show her just how much I care about her. It’s not a horrible list by anymeans but my girl has this tendency to roll her eyes at me and tell me how goofy I am so who knows how she’ll react to the list. I’m sure she’ll object just because she’s stubborn but that’s just part of her charm.

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