Let Clear My Throat

     I have to be honest and say that anytime I approach a general election year I get a little itchy. There’s a reason for that. A lot of stupid mother fuckers vote. You come to the polling place in a wife beater a pair of shorts and flip flops and at least one of you ignorant bastards brought a cranky ass baby. Can’t you leave the kid at home? Voting is serious chiz so please have some consideration.

     Please don’t ask who I voted for. If you read my blogs it’s quite clear. I’m voting for the less retarded candidate. You know the one that speaks like he has some goddamn sense and doesn’t frighten people. I’m voting for the guy that says what he says and doesn’t come back a week later say; “Yep, I’m a douche bag. I said a lot of shit that made me look like an asshole. Sure my policies are totally transparent and nonexistent but we all make mistakes. My bad”

      Please pardon me if I seem a little off or unfeeling. I would hope that people understand by now that I am a tad too honest. I have no problem speaking my mind even if I look a bit like an asshole. It’s this goddamn election that’s making my asshole itch and making me feel like I’ve walked around in a thong that was two sizes too small.

     What I wanted to blog about was feelings and the expectations we all have. I notice that whenever you walk into some marriage counsling bullshit they always want to know what you’re feeling or what your expectations are. Sometimes, and pardon me ladies if I seem out of line here, but we just want you to shut the fuck up for five fucking minutes ok?

      If there wasn’t a problem there wouldn’t be a need for couseling would there? I feel that the problem with men and women is that we allowed this fucked idea that we need to be open and honest and have some sort of expactations of what our relationships are going to be. Do you see the problem here? When we meet someone we start building these crazy ass expectations on these clueless bastards and when they fail whose it fault is it? The one with the high expectations.

      I’m in a relationship right now and my attitude never changes. I ask myself if I like her. Check, am I happy, check, and I’m good. I don’t expect my girl to be someone she isn’t and I don’t even want to her to be someone she isn’t. If at anytime she’s miserable or feeling like she needs to talk I’m going to shut the fuck up and listen. Why would I do that? I have the utmost respect for her that’s why and without hoisting crazy ass expectations on the relationship I’m going to enjoy being with and that’s all I need.

      What really pisses me off is when people talk about how you ruined their self esteem. How the fuck is that possible? It’s not possible is it? It’s called self esteem for a reason. I think all relationships could work I truly do, but it takes work and it takes a willingness to grab your girl as tightly as possible and just be there for her. There are going to be all sorts of shit thrown at you but if you’re together and going through it as a couple it’s going to be all right.

     That’s why I’m so against settling. When storms hit what happens? Fuck this bitch I’m out. Why would anyone stay if they aren’t truly commited? When people throw bottles and bricks and talk shit it’s over. It’s easy for me to tell a woman I love her and not mean it. When I say it again I know it’s real and I am truly madly deeply in love. If you settle you can say I love all day but one day you’re going to get sick of something they do and walk out. Why? Because you settled. There’s no reason to stick around because there’s no emotional attachment.

     I have a checklist in my head of shit I would do for a girl. I just made this list up just to save me from saying the L word and not meaning it. Would I take a bullet for her? If there was anything wrong with her kids would I do anything to save them? When I look at her does my heart stop in my chest, do I forget to breath? When I see her does every other women I see before or after her no longer matter. She’s reading this and I can’t answer that.

     People just really baffle me and piss me off. They have all these ideas for a perfect life but have no plan B. A lot of times they complain so much about being alone that they quit looking for someone and die alone. We spend all this money on therapy but we fail to realize that the secret to life is honesty and communication.

     There is no perfect relationship but there’s always make up sex and angry sex. Hell there’s even angry oral sex. I don’t reccomend nor have I tried it but I’m sure it exists. Me I’m going to continue being as bitter and fucked up and just as confused as I always am but I can tell you that there’s one person I am totally sure about and she’s pretty fucking amazing.