After a few semi serious blogs let’s move back into the absurd and dry sense of humor people come to expect. I may need a disclaimer but fuck it. Read at your own risk blah blah blah, bullshit, bullshit, bullshit. I can’t be a role model people. It takes too much energy and besides a role model should be dependable and fun for the whole family which I’m not.
People ask me what I want for my birthday, and Christmas and I always say the same thing. World peace and a puppy. It’s pretty funny because world peace is unattainable. Imagine how fucking bored we’d all be if violence and war didn’t exist. It’d be a G-rated existence and what would we do all day? No need for swear words and angry sex wouldn’t exist.
War is necessary for two reasons. The first is to show dominance. I live in a country that hugged it out with native Americans and then stole their land and slaughtered them. America was founded on a fuck you mentality. If you disagreed with us or our views you got your ass kicked. America needs a class on bullying. Any country says the same thing; “If they disagree with us we must bomb them!”
The second reason is to thin the herd, to separate the weak from the strong. War retains status quo and keeps the population from getting out of control. In a war everyone dies eventually and if you’re winning it bolsters the economy. We all love a bolstered economy at the expense of a few assholes that tried to be a smart ass.
If you look at the hippies they were all about making love and not war but it just wasn’t possible. War is what makes a country a bad ass. If you go around sticking flowers in a soldiers gun you’ll get your face shot off and for good reason. The hippies should’ve just stuck to drugs and sex because I can follow one of those. Shit if it would’ve gotten me laid I’d be a hippy too. Fuck war now take off your pants. If we have enough sex maybe we’ll eradicate war.
I can understand how they felt though. In any war no world leaders ever volunteer to go to the front lines and there’s a good reason for that. The poor make great sacrificial lambs. As long there are willing poor people no congressman, president, prince, or king will have to actually fight in a war. Why would they? They may actual die and we can’t have that now can we?
Let’s be honest here and admit that war sucks but you can’t stop it. Every country is soaked in blood and violence. Every night the news is a running commentary on people dying and doing shit that makes us want to never leave the house. To balance out how fucked up we are they show a few kittens in a box and we feel a little better about ourselves. Today four people died in a tragic apartment fire, an eighty-year old man stabbed his wife to death and now here’s Bob the water skiing squirrel. Look at Bob go.
As a society war and violence keeps us in check. It makes us feel a little better about ourselves. We may be fucked up but at least we’re not the guy that beat the shit out of his wife and shot her. We know that as Americans once we have a beef with anyone we’ll promtly bitch slap that country and make it our bitch. That’s just how we roll.
For centuries we’ve all been dominated by sex and violence. It’s what we’ve evolved from. We’re always going to be either fucking or fighting. Our forefathers walked with a pimp strut and dared anyone to fuck with us. Everyone’s like that. Civil wars are a bitch because now you have your neighbor possibly kicking your ass and when any war is over there should be that moment where the winning party asks; “Who’s the bitch now?”
We all can’t be Switzerland. Who wants to be neutral all the time? I guarantee you one day some shit’ll pop off and Switzerland will be all sex crazed and retard strong. They are going to snap and God help anyone who stands in their way. Even the Swiss Miss Lady will be armed to the teeth and instead of hot Coco she’ll be throwing grenades.
Lastly the religious folks are the most violent people on the planet. They’re so consumed with being right they will start a war over God. To prove just how tough their God is they will slaughter opposing religions. The Bible never said we must kill those who disgree with us. What would Jesus say? Didn’t he say thou shalt not kill?
Jesus was all about hugging it out not killing other religious folks. That ain’t right people. We should love another not kill somone because you feel God told you to. What happens when you all get to heaven? Another war? Jesus was the first hippy and all of this war is really a bum trip for him. You took what he said out of context and I bet he’s pissed. He’s always saying give peace a chance.
Religious war never made sense to me and now I tried to write a blog that wasn’t all that serious and I failed again. Damn it. Maybe I’ll take a break for awhile and try and ponder how I can return to my funny bone. I’ve reached a new level and I doubt that people will agree with me but who cares. I had fun and in the end isn’t that really all that matters?