I heard that Van Halen had a new record out so I of course got a little curious. To be fair I never liked a lot of the original Van Halen. There were some good songs but for every good song song there was always a few that drove me batshit crazy. Jump, Panama, and the entire Diver Down record always reminded me just how much Van Halen sucked.
I only became a fan of Van Halen when Sammy joined. Finally, Van Halen had something that was lacking with Douchey I mean Diamond Dave, consistency. Every record Sammy sang on was good. If Sammy Hagar had been the original singer of Van Halen I would’ve been a die hard fan. While Dave was a douche bag with ADD Sammy was the kind of guy you could hang out with. Sammy was even a better singer and in terms of song writing? Sammy wins yet again.
Suddenly Sammy was gone and then came Van Halen III which is a very solid Van Halen album. I liked Gary Cherone and was a fan of Extreme so how could I hate him? I was just thankful it wasn’t David Lee Douche. If you compare Humans Being to Dave’s reunion track Me Wise Magic you’ll see Humans is a far better song.
I was hoping for a 2nd Cherone era Van Halen record or at least the news that Sammy was back but nope we get A Simple Kind Of Sandwich? I don’t even know the title. All I know is once I heard New Tattoo I threw up violently. That’s why I was curious. Will the other songs cause me to hurl violently?
Does it sound better than Balance or even 5150? Are you high? This is David Lee Roth. Maybe just maybe it could rival Van Halen, or even Van Halen II? These are the only Roth era Van Halen albums I can sit through. The rest I just pick and choose the best tracks, put them onto my tablet and discard the rest.
It sucked bad. I find David Lee Roth annoying so it’s nice to hear that his voice isn’t as good as it once was and while She’s The Woman and Bullethead are good I couldn’t take anymore. I stopped listening. I had to or else I’d start throwing up. I had to put on some Sammy era Halen just to calm the queasiness in my tummy.
Now that I’ve slammed the Van Halen record I’m sure die hards will come at me with all the reasons why David Lee Roth is better. He was there first isn’t a good answer. Talent isn’t even a valid argument because Sammy is way more talented. Can you even name a DLR solo record that isn’t being given away with a free tank of gas?
Compare solo careers people. Sammy has a far better track record solo than Dave and when you add it to the Van Halen cannon Dave is yet again the loser. When they get tired of Dave he’ll be back at Wal-Mart greeting customers again. “Damn it! I was in Van Halen, you get the fuckin’ carts!”
Dave will be back not selling solo records in a year and if we’re really lucky we’ll see him featured on a package tour with other washed up has beens. It’ll be Dave and Vince Neil coming to a fair ground near you. What other acts can he tour with? He’ll need a 2nd bus just for his bloated ego.
Now I have that annoying Yankee Rose song stuck in my damn head and writing this blog has really made me hungry.