I took a shower and discovered something that both saddened and disturbed me. When I got out of the shower I happened to notice that I could no longer see my feet. I know how it happened but damn it! I looked like a woman in her ninth month of pregnancy except for the chest hair.
It was disturbing because I never noticed it before. I’m sure it’s been there for awhile and with all the shit I’ve endured it makes sense that I’d over eat. I live with my mom and stepdad, and I’ve lost a few hours at work so it would make sense that I’d find something to ease the boredom.
Now what? Do I take pictures of my feet and try and remember what they look like when I stand up? That’s a little weird and besides I see them just fine when I sit down. They’re feet right so does it really matter if I can see them?
I know I should consider altering my life a bit. I’m a heart attack waiting to happen. At least I could be. My cholesterol level could in fact be holy fucking shit but I detest doctors. They tell me all sorts of shit that I should do but I never follow their advice. I saw a doctor a year ago and I’m ok with that. All he told me to do was stop smoking and I ignored him.
Since I couldn’t see my feet I thought about how pathetic I’ve become, how low I’ve really sunk. I’m not depressed just really fucking bored. I need to realign. Figure out if I can actually change. Is it possible for me to lose weight?
I’ve done it before but that was only because I was depressed and wasn’t hungry. It’s not a good idea to not eat for three days. All sorts of bad things happen but I regained the weight. When you don’t eat you get a little sick.
I have a plan. At least I think I have a plan. Rededicate my life to God and lose weight. Wait, that’s not right. My plan is a three part plan that scares the shit out of me but I’ve made plans before and sort of stuck to them. I’m not the sort of guy that thinks things through.
When I stopped eating it wasn’t exactly planned and when I lived on my own without the wife and kids I adapted and for a year I did well. I never had a plan. Not once and I survived. It was pretty rad. Now this is just a new set of circumstances that I need to rise above.
Not seeing my feet this evening was my wake up call. I realized that I have never ever been beaten. Bested? Fuck yeah but I have never been beaten. The last few months I have allowed myself to wimp out. I pretty much gave up but that’s not me.
I’ve reached a point where I settled for suckage. I sabatoged a great relationship and allowed myself to accept shit without fighting. Who the fuck am I? Am I the guy that allows life to kick him in the nuts and fucking takes it? Fuck no. When life challenges me I stand up and accept. I don’t take it I fight back tooth and nail.
What I needed was motivation. The possibility of a new job, not seeing my feet when I stand up, and of course man titties. Having man titties is unacceptable. I’m not going to live with my mom and stepdad forever. Do I really want to be the pathetic fat guy that plays Dungeons And Dragons and prays to God that he’ll get his dicky sticky?
I say fuck that shit. I am going to improve my life and have sex again. I will move out goddamn it. I have never been pathetic. I like sex. I like naked women and I can’t see one unless I get my shit together. See I can come up with a plan.
The plan is simple. I need to get laid. I need to somehow prove that I’m not a total fuck up. How in the hell do I do that at my age? I should already have my life in order. The picket fence and shit. At my age I shouldn’t be living back at home and wondering when I’m getting out.
I did weigh myself for shits and giggles and I am not a happy dude. It’s not as bad as I thought but still I got titties like a woman. I have three goals. The first is to find a better job, the second is to move out and lastly I plan on losing 54 pounds.
I survived my marriage breaking up so I can lose this weight. Easy breezy lemon squeezy. At some point I truly believe that we all must have something we want to change about ourselves but are just too chicken shit to do it. For me it’s always been losing weight.
Can you imagine how much fun it would be to blog about my quest to lose my man titties? Every life altering thing could be included. I could be just having a laugh about the whole issue but the challenge motivates me to at least attempt it.
I haven’t felt this motivated in a long time. I can hear myself doubting that I can do this because where I live doesn’t allow me to walk or even excercise but the key to losing weight is about personal choices. Eating less and avoiding shit like soda.
The reason people fail so miserably at diets is simple. They think to far ahead. They want to do all this other stuff that ties into it but it fries the brain. Sure, it’s important to walk or add something that will motivate you to want to lose weight but you can’t overwhelm yourself. It’s suicide.
My motivation is the man titties and seeing my feet when I stand up. I’ve been blessed with a body that doesn’t fully get fat. I have the stomach and the tits but my arms and legs don’t hold weight. What that means is that when I lose weight I don’t need to tighten my arms or legs so they
Won’t sag or flap.
I don’t need to do anything but stop overeating. I’ve noticed that for me it’s quite easy to lose just a stomach and I don’t need some insane diet to do it. It’s all about being realistic which most people aren’t. They try all this bullshit expecting results right away but it never happens.
I just plan on eating correctly. The one advantage I have over other people is that I don’t get hungry. Sounds weird I know but I lost a bit of weight on my own simply because I would forget to eat. If you aren’t hungry you don’t eat and the desire to cook doesn’t exist because there’s no motivation.
I usually force myself to eat once a day. When I was married and even now living where I am I eat more because when other people eat you feel obligated because saying you aren’t hungry would be rude. In the morning all I require is coffee. I’m not into breakfast or any food because I’m not hungry.
Losing this weight should be easy. I know what I need to do and I’ll do occasional updates just to show how serious I am and that I can actually stop eating junk food. God help us all.