For about two years I didn’t have cable and I was cool. I didn’t realize it at the time but television occupys a lot of our time. After hours and hours of television you start to look like this
Recently I became a bit bored and reading just wasn’t cutting it so I started watching tv. I was ok with watching four shows a week but now I watch about tv for about 5 or 6 hours a day. I have my freaking week picked out and use the commercials as an excuse to grab a yogurt.
The problem now is that my tablet is collecting dust. Haven’t read but two pages of a book and I keep urging myself to pick it up. I have a backlog of books I had planned to get around to reading. At one point I was knocking out three hundred page books in about three days. If it happened to be really good a day and a half.
I keep telling myself it’s just a phase, the weather sucks so why not liquify my brain for awhile. The problem with that though is that before last week I wasn’t watching tv at all! I’m ashamed of myself.
Anyway the real point of this blog is to share what I was thinking about today. For some reason I do all my best thinking in the shower. Am I the only one that does this? Right around the middle part of my shower I’ll just start thinking about random stuff that never occured to me until I got naked and hopped into the shower.
I realized that I was in love with someone while I was in the shower once. I was just focused on my day and the cup of coffee that was waiting for me on my dresser and then as I stand there getting the soap out of my eyes it hit me. Of all places for this to happen it’s the shower.
I was already in love with her but decided it was a bad idea so I tried to ignore it but once I was at my most vulnerable it hit. She was a woman I shouldn’t have fallen in love with. Not that she was a bad person or anything she was and is amazing but I have a tendency to screw everything up and falling in love with her would have changed everything. Or at least thought it would.
Love is really insane to begin with. You can fall in love with someone and try to pretend that you aren’t but it always shows up. You could be eating pancakes and start thinking about how hot she’d look sitting across from you drinking coffee and wearing your favorite shirt.
What was I talking about? What I was thinking about today. Crazy people. Have you ever noticed how differently society has treated them? In the old days if you had any sort of mental illness it was assumed you were possessed by a demon and they would perform an excorcism. Instead of being labeled with a mental disorder you were strapped to a table and excorcised.
If it didn’t take then the process would repeat. Fast forward a bit and society evolved. They were more advanced so now all of the people that were hearing voices or whatever were shuffled off to sanitariums. These people were declared unfit for society so they were shuffled off to an asylum were they were experimented on like lab rats.
So now we move forward and have advanced to the point of drugs and the idea that these people weren’t crazy at all. In the interest of fairness to others psychiatrists have begun medicating these people to the point that most of them look like this
These people with these mental ilnesses are free to roam amongst the normal population. My problem here is those lovely folks are now running around in clown shoes and a bathrobe. The voices have told them to stop taking their meds so they’re now talking to people that aren’t there.
The asylums were a wonderful place because there was help available and not some shrink shoving pills at someone hoping they’d help. Some of these people live alone and are convinced that there’s nothing wrong with them. Crazy people are sometimes crazy for no reason.
Sunday I was outside smoking and I saw a guy approach me. He had long gray hair, a leather vest and looked like a guy that used to sing for a hair metal band. As he got closer I noticed something was off. “If you don’t shut up I’ll kick your ass.” My first thought was I didn’t say anything, and my second was oh great he’s gonna kill me.
Turns out he wasn’t talking to me. I don’t know who it was but the conversation was pretty much one sided. “Just shut up! I’m sick of it.” I wanted to laugh but it suddenly dawned on me that this is what happens when you try and make mental illness acceptable. When you try and streamline these people into normal society it sometimes doesn’t work.
The asylums existed for a reason. We weren’t ashamed of these people we were just trying to help them. Were there bad practices and mistreatment? Of course but not all asylums were like that. There were some that actually did more good than harm and it allowed these people a chance at life.
Why was in the shower thinking about crazy people in the first place? It just doesn’t make sense. A lot of my thoughts are random to begin with so I guess maybe it does make sense. I think about a lot of weird and random things. I could write three blogs on just random things I think about.
Lastly, my thoughts have run to my dating life. I seem to always screw it up somehow. It amazes me that I was dating a woman that I thought I would never end up with. She was amazing, and challenging, and even now when I talk to her she drives me crazy but I’m still in love with her.
Will I always screw up every relationship I ever become involved in? That is one of those questions I can never answer because I’m determined to stay single for the rest of my life. I was with someone amazing and I screwed it up. It’s a pattern I will not repeat anymore. Now I’ll crawl into bed and sleep.