Hi! Now Take Off Your Skin Part II: The Cheese

     The kids have finally made it home and despite the fact that I’m exhausted I have a blog to write. In my last blog I mentioned the Gorehouse Greats collection my brother gave me and this is a massive collection of 12 films over 3 double sided discs. There’s no way I’m going to write about all 12. Wait, did you expect me too?

      What I often wonder is how do they find these movies. Do they hire people to go into film warehouses to look for the shittiest movies they can find? Do they spend hours searching through boxes stuffed full of discarded panties and reels of Paris Hilton audition tapes?

     Sadly there’s a market for sets like this and I’m part of it. These are films that bombed for a reason and were shoved into a box and quickly forgotten. Low budget DVD film companies continue to release them knowing someone will buy them. You also have movies like this. I got stuck with this gem when I bought Night Of The Living Dead On DVD.
                  

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       I did manage to make it through two of the Grindhouse films and I feel like I ran some kind of marathon. I just picked two movies randomly and prayed that they both didn’t suck. These are 12 movies time and most people for that matter forgot and like some horror movie villians they’re dead for a reason.

                   

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        First up Bloody Mania. Nice opening title sequence but the title itself is misleading. I picked it based on the title alone and guess what? The title was an after thought. This isn’t even a horror film. It what’s labeled gothic horror and the titled promised blood but there isn’t very much blood at all and the most blood you see is in the final five minutes of the movie.

     The film must have been remastered at some point. For being a forgotten relic from 1970 it looks pretty damn good. The acting blows and the plot kind of unravels but hey at least it looks good. That’s pretty good for a B-rate gothic horror film that no one has ever heard of.

      I do have to point out that this movie does have some nudity. I guess the director thought that more people would come to see it if he showed titties. Yeah, that’s a great idea. Somehow he decided that no one would notice how bad the acting was or how bad the plot was if women showed their breasts!

      Instead of Blood Mania he should’ve named it titty mania. There’s more tits than blood and it even has that cheesy porn music. It must have been confusing to be in a theater watching this and suddenly you see random tit shots.

     The plot centers around a doctor who’s being blackmailed so he becomes involved with a rich woman who takes care of her sick father. The most awkward part of this movie when she kills the poor bastard by performing a strip tease. You read that right she dances naked in front of her father and he dies. What the fuck?!

     The reading of the will features some serious overacting and is said with such conviction it becomes more funny than dramatic. The problem with this movie is the acting and shitty plot. There’s no action or reason to keep watching. Well there is if you like tits.

     I kept watching, hoping something would happen. This is supposed to be Blood Mania. Where’s the blood? Where’s the horror? instead I just got titties and I love tits I really do but when you title a movie Blood Mania there should be blood damnit!

     This is a very boring movie that has very little going for it except for the titties, but even that grows tiresome. You hear dramtic music and you expect something to happen but nothing does. It’s just a tit shot. A few titties won’t make a movie any better.

                      

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     Next up is Nightmare In Wax. This was released in 1969. At that time there was no CGI or guys wearing hockey masks looking to turn people into human pincushions. These types of films worked their asses of to scare you and relied on atmosphere and story telling.

     All this is really is is a blatant rip off of a classic film called House Of Wax starring Vincent Price. Both are tales of revenge and feature a villian with a deformity. The villian in Nightmare In Wax sports an eye patch and only has a slight scar despite being set on fire while lighting a cigarette and having alcohol thrown at him.

     The only drawback here is no remastered film. It has your occasional pop and crackle as well as spots where dust had gotten onto the reel. It actually adds to the film and reminds you that it’s a B-rate so don’t expect a pristine picture or a Dolby Mix.

     While Titty Mania pretty much sucked ass Nightmare In Wax is an entertaining film. The plot is totally implausible yet moves at a steady clip. This is one of those B-rate gems which you’ll occasionally find in sets like this. The acting isn’t perfect but it’s not horrible either.

     It’s not exactly a horror movie but it does contain our villian slowly stalking his victim. It stretches out the suspense just enough so when he finally catches her the dialouge alone is worth the price of admission. Half way through the movie you already have it all figured out but you have to see how it all ties together. To what lengths will our villian go to get his revenge?

     Nightmare In Wax may be a blatant rip off of House Of Wax but it has swagger. It knows deep down what it is and doesn’t try and become something it’s not. Just when I thought it was over it kept going for another five minutes.

     I have no idea what I’ll find in the rest of these titles. I can’t go by  the blurbs because they’re misleading. I can’t go by the title either. That’s also misleading. When you title a set Gorehousehouse there’s expectations but so far there’s very little in the way of gore or great.

     I may just have one of the dogs pick out the next two movies with her snout. If it sucks I can blame her. Would I recommend this set to friends? So far no but there’s still 10 more movies to go through. They can’t all be as bad as Blood Mania can they? Oh God I hope not.

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