Pondering

     I’m starting to write down ideas for blogs so I can somehow stick to one idea. Of course I do have ADD and this could be quite frightening and scattered. Maybe people with ADD shouldn’t blog and if they do maybe writing notes would keep the ideas uniformed. I am guilty of going all over the place while blogging and even as I write this I see a striking women with large breasts and a sweet ass walking towards me. I would like to strike up a conversation and maybe ask her for her number but reality hits and the last thing I need is a leech.       

      I guess relationships would be nice if you left out the nagging and the possibility of a woman going batshit crazy. Just once I would like a woman to ask me where I’m going and I’d smile and say to kill myself. You have officially driven me to suicide you insufferable cow. Who needs all that clingy bullshit anyway? Do we define the relationship or does the relationship define us? When do the edges blur and overlap? How did something so simple become so complicated?      

      I have been in love and I’ve heard the lovesongs. You’re love is like oxygen, or morphine, or an enema. When did love become so painful? When did love become an addiction? Have we always been like this? I can remeber when I fell in love the very first time and sure it was almost like flying, it was pure, and complete. Now we’re like a bunch of heroine junkies looking in the garbage for our next fix. We equate love with self esteem and the feeling that deep down we’re not as fucked up as we think we are.       

      We hear the songs yet never grasp the meaning of it all. I love you, I can’t live without you. When did love become stalking and what the hell were we doing before we fell in love? Why do we need someone to define us? Can’t our dogs or cats give our lives meaning? Is it true that we spend our entire lives looking for love and if so why? I once spent fifteen minutes looking for a pen but I can’t remember waking up one morning thinking that I’d spend my day looking for love. If we stopped looking for it and just let it find us who knows maybe just maybe we’d be a helluva lot happier.        

     As I watched this woman walk away I .was filled with nostalgia and even a little whimsy. I remembered when it wasn’t so complicated and even if I made a mistake it was ok becuse I was still learning. Forever wasn’t a concept I could grasp. I wanted a woman but on my terms and that really hasn’t changed. When did it get so complicated? Just because I chose to be with someone that isn’t demanding or clingy does that make me a total bastard? Seeing this hot piece of ass my animal instincts kicked in. I didn’t think about marriage or commitment. All I wanted was to see her naked. That was it.        

     Women baffle me and confuse me because with them it’s all about control and possession. I don’t want to be controlled or changed into something or someone I’m not. Isn’t that how it always is? For now I need to catch an elevator. This blog has been written in a variety of odd places. Hallways, lobbies, bathrooms and even elevators. I have been writing this whenever I found a free second. hope it made sense.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s