One For The Road

     My mom has the coolest pug ever. The thing about pugs is that they’re very gross, very noisy dogs. He snorts, panics when he gets excited and can’t breath, and he has a bedtime. From what I can gather he created his own bedtime and lets you know when he’s ready to crash.

      

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     The problem with Max is that he’s a fat pug that waddles when he walks. Because he has a short fat body he has to be picked up and put into bed. Once there he doesn’t move. You can shove him, roll him and he won’t wake up.

     Why am I writing about Max? He is my buddy. He is a really laid back dog and no matter how shitty my day is I know Max will make me giggle. I learn a lot about life from him. Nothing seems to phase him. He does pout when he’s upset but he’ll forgive you in a few days.

     In the last few days Max has never failed to make me laugh. I have had a lot of changes thrown at me but when I feel ovwrwhelmed I cuddle next to Max and rub his belly and he starts snorting which always cracks me up.

         

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     Here I thought Max was dead. He just likes to sleep on his back. It’s quite weird to watch a movie and go to rub a dog’s belly only to find out that you accidently touched his junk. We don’t talk about that though.

      Lastly I learned that sometimes drugs will make you do really really stupid things. There’s a woman who is a hooker and a drug addict. That right there should tell you that this is gonna be a fucked up story.

     I guess you have to pay for your habit somehow. Ever notice that most chicks who are addicted to drugs are hookers? They aren’t working at Macey’s and shit or selling avon. They either work at titty bars or suck dick. That’s the only job I guess that pays well if you’re an addict.

     This pillar of society decided it would be an awesome idea to steal a dude’s drugs. I’m assuming hooking has also been affected by the economy. The day when prostitutes have to steal drugs is a sad day. What happened to making a trade? A blow for some blow? Crack for some crack?

      So this pillar of society steals the drugs and the guy catches her and shoots her in the puss! How fucked up is that? She steals his drugs so he shoots her in her money maker! Now she has a puss with a bullet hole.

     It’s funny because he shot her in the one place that would affect her the most. If she played piano he could’ve taken out her hands but she was a hooker so it made sense to shoot her right in the puss. I wonder what it looks like?

     When she goes on normal dates does she tell the dude that she has a franken puss? Is there any clitoral muscles intact? I wanna talk to this woman and maybe see the franken puss but alas I can’t because I happen to know this woman and it would be awkward.

     The moral of this blog is that while your life may suck you have yet to get shot in the puss. Remember that when you’re having a shitty day. You may have lost your house or your car but at least you haven’t been shot in the pussy.

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