I haven’t blogged in awhile and I wanted to see how well my HTC One keyboard handles my fat thumbs. The nice thing is the autocorrect or predictive text. It’s a hit or miss thing because sometimes it puts in the wrong word or tries to censor my swear words. I have seen duck replacing fuck quite often and I finally have it in my dictionary. Is it easy writing a blog on a cellphone? It is.
I have been thinking quite a bit lately and I noticed that at 39 I still don’t have all the answers. Death is still a mystery and I still can’t figure out the love thing. As a kid I was under the impression that I would somehow become wiser as I aged. Some box would open and inside would be the key to everything. The answers to heaven, hell, life, death, and even love. The key to everything would end wars and make us all wiser.
The problem though is that once we had the key our lives would longer have the same meaning. There would no longer be any more riddles to solve and we’d create wars and famine just to cure the boredom. With the key to everything we’d all be perfect. We’d no longer need God because with the key to everything we would all be God. Sounds a bit blasphemous doesn’t it? We would build temples to worship ourselves.
Instead of life becoming simpler as we age it just becomes harder. The questions become deeper and we suddenly realize that we’re all mortal and closer to death each day. We are all decaying and sooner or later we’ll die and then we finally get all the answers. The mysteries will all be revealed. The answers to life and death and even love will all be laid out before us.
Let’s explore something else shall we? The feelings we sometimes have for women or if you’re a woman it would be a man. I have always been pretty self sufficient. If a woman I’m interested in suddenly drops off the face of the earth I handle it well. I dust myself off and move forward. You can’t make someone like you right? I believe everything happens for a reason and sometimes people just need space.
I met a woman recently that is everything I’ve been looking for. She’s smart, she’s amazing and she gets me. I can see myself spending the rest of my life with her but sometimes she just vanishes and for the first time ever I’m wondering if she feels the same way about me. I have never thought about long term at all ever and that scares the hell out of me because suddenly I am.
She has made me rethink my views on relationships and I keep wondering is this normal? At thirty nine there has to be a maturity about realtionships and I guess you adapt to some sort of guideline. When I’m with her there is nowhere else I’d rather be. She is my safe place.
Maybe that’s the key to everything. Finding someone you could spend the rest of your life with. Being in love is a bit like heaven and hell. Being apart feels like an eternity and finding the woman or man you can’t live without is a bit like salvation. Your faults and mistakes no longer matter and when you the right person you feel whole again.
In the end all we really want is to be accepted and to feel alive isn’t it? We want life to make sense and that’s why question everything. We want it all to make sense and have meaning. We want to be saved from ourselves.