Lately I’ve been watching Deadly Women on Investigation Discovery and I don’t think single men should watch this show. It peels away the mystique that women have and show you just how bat shit crazy they can be. If you’ve never seen this show the first thing you notice is how fucking vicious they are.
Men will just flat out kill you. They will either shoot you or stab you but these women have this down to a science. They’ll pretend that they love you and everything’s cool but they’re envisioning the way that they will kill you. They have it all mapped out including the hour and exactly how you’ll die. They will rember each fight and each comment you made to make her feel insecure and she will think of that each time she’s stabbing you. There you are lying in a pool of blood and she’s screaming; “Not so fat now am I mother fucker?”
If you’ve never dated a woman this show will make you see every item in your house as a possible weapon. It may even keep you pursuing a relationship. Each time a woman smiles at you there’s the possibility that she is totally off her rocker and will beat the shit out of you with a baseball bat while you’re sleeping. How the hell are you supposed to sleep? Why would you even want to date? You’d be putting your life in your hands.
I remember watching Fatal Attraction swearing I would never cheat on a woman. That movie left an impression that has stuck with me for a very long time. As I got deeper into this show I suddenly realized being single isn’t a bad idea. Deadly Women makes Fatal Attraction look tame. It used to be that if you were single you were a total loser but now? It means your safe. Being single means I won’t be killed by some psycho Kelly Clarkson fan.
I think every guy needs to avoid dating or living with a woman who listens to Kelly Clarkson. That woman scares the hell out of me and her lyrics are all about stalking. I predict at some point she’ll be on Deadly Women. It’s inevitable. The news networks would have a field day with her finally going over the edge and killing a guy.
She’ll have some poor sap tied to a chair and as the camera pans away all you see is blood and piss and there’s Kelly buck naked holding a pair of Gardening Shears.
“Since you’ve been gone all I could think about is how much I love you. You promised me forever!” The guy starts pissing again as Kelly stabs him and hums Behind These Hazel Eyes.
Relationships are tough as it is but suddenly we’re faced with the possibility that our wives or girlfriends are capable of killing us. My best friend has even offered to make her boyfriend a pillow so she could suffocate him while he sleeps. She giggled when she told me this but it still scared me because I may have to crash at her house someday. She even offered to make me a pillow!
Why are women so emotionally attached? Is it hormones or just the inability to deal with rejection? Each of these women seemed so normal and suddenly they’re dumping their bi-polar meds into someone’s coffee and then as the guy sleeps these women proceed to stab and in some cases rape a dude. If a relationship ends sometimes there’s a logical explanation for it. It happens all the time. Some relationships just don’t work out.
It’s not ok to listen to Taylor Swift and feel sorry for yourself and it’s not ok to stalk someone either. This show gives women some really bad ideas and I wonder if there are women watching this and taking notes. They’ve latched onto some guy they think they can’t live without and when they’re forced to they decide if I can’t have him no one will. They sit around listening to country music or It Will Rain by Bruno Mars and suddenly they have an epiphany. He must be punished.
Dating used to be simple and fun. Every relationship has peaks and valleys but no one should die over a toilet seat that’s been accidently left up. Love should be voluntary not coerced with a butcher knife. We need to stop these shows before more men die. We need to teach women that men sometimes.change their minds. It sucks but it happens.