Darker And Cynical

          I have grown quite cynical and darker in my old age. The older I get the less tolerant I am to other people’s bullshit. At my age I have become quite comfortable with myself and who I am. It drives me nuts when I encounter needy people or people who can’t seem to make up their mind. They want to be with you and then they decide they don’t. Who has time for that shit? At some point I’m going to get tired of waiting and move on.

     I have a personal graveyard littered with the discarded and forgotten. Buried here are the people that I have no use for or the ones who have somehow let me down. This graveyard is massive and if you took a tour you’d be amazed at how large this fucker is. I could point out gravestones and tell you exactly why they needed buried.

     I always assumed that the older I got  the easier my life would be. I would sail into my forties and be happy with my life but fucking people are ruining it. My marriage went to shit three years ago and dating quickly turned into a fucking nightmare. I decided that in order to be happy I needed less distractions and decided it was about time I became a recluse.

     When you become comfortable with your decisions and let go of all the things that people assume are a part of a happy life. Or if you decide not to date and are in fact ok with spending the rest of your life alone it tends to freak people out. There has to be an understanding that I know what’s best for me. I want to go into my fifties and sixties confident that I made the right choices and after all isn’t me that has to live with those choices?

     I have become darker and more cynical but I have never been happier. When all is said and done that’s really all that matters. I occasionally stroll out to the personal graveyard just to pay my respects and make sure no one has gotten out of their grave. Maybe someday I’ll give it a name. It’s the least I could do. So many people buried here and my graveyard doesn’t even have a name.

    Looking back maybe some of those people didn’t need to be removed but in the end does it even matter? We all make choices in our life and I spend no amount of time reflecting or pondering. My life has turned out well and I never have a moment where I wonder what if because I always look forward never backward.

     That’s the message I want to leave everyone when I finally leave the planet. Keep moving forward and make sure the dead stay buried. There’s no time for wondering how life could have been different. What are you doing now? Are you happy with who you are and where you are? If not it’s your own damn fault.

     I look forward to being the cantankerous old guy who is always pissed off and wanders around wearing a diaper and flip flops. I want the pimp cane or at the very least a walker that’s black with white stripes. Maybe even a basket so I have something to carry my Twinkies in.

     Growing older should be fun so why not piss on trees and occasionally grab a few titties. Being elderly earns you respect and privileges that most people would kill for. So I embrace getting older and plan on living a very very long time. 

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