I’m thankful that I get to kick your ass on Black Friday

     Ok, now that Thanksgiving’s over (thank God), I can reflect on the whole issue of being thankful. Why is it that we only have one day in which we can be publicly thankful? If one were to ponder the question there really is a lot that someone can be the thankful for.

     What I hate is when someone asks me what it is I’m thankful for. I sometimes will answer in such a way that it makes them sorry they asked me. I’m thankful that I’m not addicted to heroin. That would suck because I hate needles and the idea of shooting smack into my veins sounds kind of dangerous. People die doing that shit.

     Once in awhile you get someone who will be thankful that Jesus died in the cross for their sins and that fucks me up because you can’t really top that. Beating cancer is something else you can’t top. Don’t even attempt it. Just say nothing unless you’re addicted to heroin and Jesus somehow saved you from overdosing and even then, beating cancer wins.

     I’m not making fun of cancer because so many people die from cancer that it’s actually pretty rad when someone kicks cancer’s ass. Fuck you cancer, you lost. I’ve lost family members to cancer so I realize that when someone does kick cancer’s ass it was a hard fought battle and one that should be celebrated.

     I understand the idea behind Thanksgiving and that we should be thankful and grateful for something no matter how stupid or petty it may be. People have small minds and can’t help what they do. I am still embracing the idea that stupid people do in fact have some pretty good ideas sometimes. The problem though is that their beliefs sometimes leave me totally speechless.

     What am I thankful for? Shit, tough question because there’s just so much. I am thankful for something every day and for me there are 365 days in a year so there’s something that I’m thankful for every day. I shove aside the ideology of a holiday and ignore it. Just waking up in the morning is something I’m always thankful for.

     For me I have become happy with who I am and what I’ve accomplished so everyday there is something new, or a reminder of why I should be thankful. There has been a natural progression of financial growth so that’s something I’m thankful for especially now that the Christmas season is upon us.

     While people forgot their manners today due to black Friday I was able to stay calm and refused to to trip children that ran around like drunken little midgets and throat punch old ladies that refused to move away from a cheap display case of video games.

     Black Friday allows us to forget what we were just thankful for. What we have, and what we are. Black Friday reinforces the motto that tells us that greed is good. People will love us more if we become savages over cheap shit that no one cares about. I saw first hand how crazy people can become over lower priced goods. It’s all about being there first, showing everyone else that you have sacrificed common sense and manners for a good deal.

     You are all such good little consumers doing what the man tells you. The good, loyal consumer that shoves old ladies and and cuts in front of people all because something is cheap. It’s whispered that if you want respect and love you have to shop the day after Thanksgiving.

     I have never been the good little consumer that follows along like an obedient sheep. I don’t follow blindly as the advertising execs push me to become someone they can be proud of. I scare them becsause I have yet to buy into their philosophy that stuff makes us all happy.

     I did experience Black Friday and you people sicken me. Such good little consumer sheep following a line of cars to the local mall to suckle on the tit of commerce. Beep beep, go asshole I have to buy a cheap Japanese television so my wife’ll blow me. Green means go motherfucker!

    

    

My 100 book challenge is almost over

     My year is almost up and I have no idea if I’ve even cracked 100 books. Seems like I may have come close but I didn’t keep track. I was too busy reading. I may do a hundred next year as well and damnit I’ll keep track next year. A lot of people are really confused at this point. Yes, I said I would read a hundred books in one year but failed to keep track. Doesn’t really make sense does it?

     What I have discovered this year is that reading once again became fun. In this quest to read so many books I discovered a ton of great and not so great books. Thanks to the beauty of Amazon I was able to find tons of new writers and that when it comes down to it the indie authors are really the best thing to happen to books in quite some time.

     This was a year in which I discovered awesome companies like Dynatox Ministries and Strangehouse books. These are companies that have a huge cult following and let’s be honest, if you buy books you buy from an author you trust. With Dynatox and Strangehouse I buy because I trust the company. Eraserhead Press is slowly gaining my loyalty as well as Grindhouse Press.

     It was  Great year for Bizarro fiction as well. I have read a lot of Allen Spencer, Jimmy Motherfuckin Pudge and of course Jordan Krall. These are authors you need to check out. Horror was good to me too. I discovered William Malmborg and Edward Lee, and Brian Smith. I read a lot of off the wall books and that is what makes this 100 book challenge so much fun.

     The point is if it hadn’t been for this challenge I wouldn’t have discovered all of these great books. Have there been clunkers? Of course. There have been more than a few that I have given up on and at some point I may actually try and read them again.

     People that don’t read won’t understand why I’m writing this and I wouldn’t expect you too. If anyone is looking to do a challenge like this you have to read what you love and sometimes even step out of your comfort zone. That is the key to doing it. If you constantly think of it as a challenge you’ll lose interest. Reading should be fun and not something you are forced to do.

     I have enough books to start this challenge all over again and of course you’d have to be a bit of a geek to see why this is so much fun. It’s not really the idea of reading a hundred books that matters. It’s finding books that appeal to you and keeping your brain from turning to mush. No one wants a mushy brain.

     I had an exgirlfriend who was puzzled by the challenge and couldn’t understand why I was even reading. I honestly don’t want to turn out like her. Reliant on the television for news and ignorant of the written word. She also spoke like she was uneducated. That was a real turn off for me. I’m not attracted to stupid women. Never have been.

     How boring it must be to not read. How uninteresting and dull these people must be. What could you talk about? With people that don’t read there’s a lack of intelligence there and also a disconnect. What could we have in common aside from movies? There’s really nothing that o

     What I read is also a concern for people. I read books that people just don’t get and that’s perfectly fine because we’re all into different things. I just choose subject matter that most people don’t understand. Bizarro makes me giggle and keeps my mind fresh. Splatterpunk just keeps me from growing bored and yes, I do sometimes read normal books. They’re normal to me anyway.

     As I wrap this up I encourage people to read. Doesn’t matter what it is as long as it’s something that you enjoy. Goodreads.com is a great place to find titles that are reviewed by the community and not some pencil pusher.

     I also have to thank Chosen who has been an awesome stalker. She reads my reviews and keeps me on this quest to find something even more bizarre and nastier than anything I have reviewed before. Thankfully that hasn’t happened yet ans if it does I’ll have to stop reviewing books.

     Here’s the sites to Dynatox and Strangehouse. Buy some books and read some high quality stuff. http://dynatox.storenvy.com/ and http://www.strangehousebooks.com/

   

 

A Holiday Rant

     What the hell is wrong with companies that assume it’s ok to run Christmas commercials a week before Halloween? When I was a kid there were rules for this shit. The official Christimas season never began until the day after Thanksgiving.

     There are television networks already airing nothing but Christmas programming and there are radio stations already playing Christmas carols. What the hell is wrong with people? I shouldn’t walk into a store and see how manu shopping days there are until Christmas on November tenth. Guess what? I don’t give a fuck.

          I happen to like Christmas but not when I’m told to. I’m not a mindless fucking consumer who has to buy a bunch of shit so people will love me. Only shallow people do that. In America we have to buy shit because supposedly it boosts the economy. You know what else boosts the economy? Jobs, and less people relying on government assistance.

     The idea here is if the season starts early enough people will be tempted to buy. Makes sense doesn’t it? It’s not even about the holiday it’s all about getting you to spend your hard earned money on shit that will sit around until the kids open it in December.

     We are in a recession. No one wants to be reminded that they need to buy presents. Don’t get me started on those Christian folks who want to put Christ back into Christmas. What a bunch of assholes. People should be able to celebrate Christmas the way they want to.

     If I want to take Jesus out of it then so be it. For me Christmas means something completely different than what these fine Christian folks believe. That is the beauty of free will. I  can be a decent human without the blood of Christ raining down on my body.

     People who read my blog know that I hate shopping. Fucking hate it and I think if I were given a choice between shopping and taking a kick to the nuts I would take that kick like a boss. Christmas shopping always burns my ass due to how rude and smelly people are. Kids run around like drunken little midgets and people turn into fucking helmet wearing retards all for the  desire to buy shit.

     This year I am bypassing all that shit and buying everything online. It works for me because I can shop naked and and I don’t lose my temper over some slow moving bitch with a cart full of toys and whatever the fuck else soccer moms buy. The hassle of leaving the house and dealing with ignorant people is eliminated.

     Now I have to hear assholes whine that by buying everything online I’m doing some terrible disservice to my local economy and to that I say eat me. I am a consumer who does shop locally. I buy cigarettes, and everything else in my hometown. That helps my local economy 365 days a year and just because I buy my kids Christmas presents online doesn’t make me evil.

     You people drove me to shop online. You ran over my shins with your shopping carts, your kids have cut in front of me and had the balls to laugh about and don’t get me started on the elderly. Jesus Christ people, you have made me a recluse with your stupidity and shitty manners. Not even hot MILFS wearing sweat pants will drag me out to the stores this year and when I do I am quick. I’m not like you people. I know what I want and I grab and get the fuck out.

     You have these ignorant fucks with the screaming babies and what do they do? Keep shopping. I have come close to punting these fucking kids simply because their parents have zero consideration for others around them. Why oh why would I endure that this joyous holiday season?

     Lastly let me tell you about this bell ringing fuck. This guy stands outside and rings a bell for a charity and has the balls to bitch because I’m smoking outside. Do your fucking job asshole and ring that fucking bell. I am a smoker okay? I smoke outside because I have to and you whining about your asthma just cost your organization a donation. You don’t like smoke? Move. It’s simple. Walk the fuck away cock stain, but don’t stand there ringing that fucking bell and bitch because the smoke bothers you.

     As a smoker I take my right to smoke outside reluctantly anyway and whiny smokers always get a faceful of smoke because I hate nonsmoking whiner babies. If your job requires you to ring a fucking bell for a living you better be a happy smiling asshole because people remember the ones that are ungrateful and bitch when people walk buy them. It’s not personal. Some of us don’t carry cash because it’s a pain the ass. Get over it.

     As soon as heard this guy start whining  about smokers I looked at the lady next to me who was also smoking and said loudly; “Looks like someone won’t be getting a donation.” I went into the store and when I left I made a point to light a cigarette and blew that shit right into his fat fucking face. Take that asshole.

Vulgar Women Are Sexy

     I saw a post on Facebook that made me think about women and swearing and how if a woman says; “Eat my pussy,” It’s not insulting. If any thing, when a chick tells you to eat her pussy you better eat that pussy.

     I find women who swear sexy. I can’t be the only one. In bed I like a chick that will talk nasty as long as she doesn’t put a finger in my ass. That to me is insulting. Telling me to fuck you like a two dollar whore doesn’t bother me at all but a finger in my ass does.

     For some reason women are supposed to be fragile and pure but the very first time I heard a chick swear I got an erection. If I’m arguing with a woman I want her to swear at me, I want her to call me names and make me feel bad about myself. Some people are already offended by this blog and I don’t understand why. Haven’t you ever found a vulgar chick hot?

     What I find interesting is that I have dated several woman in my life time and not once have I ever heard a chick tell me to put my cock in her mouth. Not once. You hear it all the time in porn but never in real life. They never demand that and some would be shocked and hurt that you have even considered sticking your dick in her mouth. I can count on one hand how many chicks have done that and I have run out of fingers and toes counting the chicks that don’t.

     Head is a birthday, Christmas, and anniversary gift. If you’re married those are some kick ass holidays. Free head days were always good days. Before I got married head was a frequent occurrence. Found out that if a woman blows you while your dating she won’t blow you after your married. That’s how women trap men.

     A lot of us want a chick we can take home to our mom. I understand that because I have a mother and I would never bring a stripper or a porn star home to meet my mom but I’m also realistic. It doesn’t matter if the woman swears as long as she has some self control. She knows she has to make a good impression and if she fails, your mother will make her life a living hell. She will always be that girl that mom hates.

     There is nothing worse than taking home a chick who sounds like she has a bad case of Tourette’s. There has to be a line in the sand and a woman should be able to complete a sentence without a fuck or shit in front of your mother. It’s an unwritten law like no finger in my ass.

     The sad thing is that of my mother knew half the things I’ve done to my ex-wife and girlfriends she’d be mortified. Hell, half of the shit I’ve done I’m sort of mortified by but as human we have to explore and figure out what works and what doesn’t.

     While as offensive as this blog may be why is it offensive? Is it the idea that women aren’t supposed to say fuck? I am attracted to women who swear and smoke. I also like women who can actually converse and are intelligent and if she swears on top of that she is perfect.

     I hate stupid women that try hard to hold onto this idea that men want their women dumbed down. Fuck that. I want a woman that will challenge me and keep me interested. Fuck the mystery and the expectations. I want a chick who is smart and has no problem using big words to make fun of me.

     One thing that always threw was women in porn who want to be fucked in the ass. All I ever heard was not in the butt, not in the butt. It was almost like a song. Before sex I would even sing it. That was off limits and I never even thought about it until I was told I couldn’t do it.

        I was dating a woman once and all of a sudden she utters the porn phrase and I was stunned. Really? You want me to put it there? All those years of programming and the mantra of not in the butt, not in the butt and suddenly you’re telling me you want it there? I have never had that happen again.

     So now that half of my subscribers have abandoned ship I should stop. Vulgar women aren’t supposed to be sexy. They aren’t supposed to show you their tits and ask if one looks bigger than the other. Fact all women have one tit that’s larger than the other. I have no idea why but they do.

     I’m going to keep an eye for the challenging woman and I don’t give a fuck what she looks like as long she’s intelligent and keeps me from growing bored. I wonder how many people are still reading this? Maybe one or two? I am really going to hate going through the comments on this one.

Separated for two years already?

     I have been separated for two years now. I think next year I’m getting myself a present. I can’t tell you when my anniversary would have been but I know exactly when our marriage ended. I thought it would hurt for some reason but it didn’t. I just woke up one morning and said; “fuck, it’s been two years already?”

     I consider myself lucky that I’ve done so well. Some people never let go and always think that they’ll always get back together. That’s really depressing if you allow yourself to be trapped in that scenario. Doesn’t it at some point have to register that the old life is gone? There’s no fixing what’s broken.

     Two years is a long time and when I thought about it I knew that certain aspects of my life were exactly where I wanted them while others were way beyond what I expected but life is never really fully balanced anyway. All we can do is accept who we are and where we are. There are no other options. If I looked for more I would probably go bat shit crazy.

     No shrink anywhere is going to tell you that life makes sense all the time. He’d be a liar. All a shrink can do is pat you on the head and tell you things are going to get better. What if they don’t? Some people  expect life to be elegant and perfect but it can’t be that way without tragedy and heartbreak.

     What have I learned in the last two years is that things do actually get better. I have been through some serious shit but life keeps moving. It never stops. Through every personal tragedy there is a lesson to be learned and I truly believe that I have become a much stronger person because of it. The wounds fade but the scars are there as a reminder.

     I’ve changed quite a bit too. How could I not? As a single man I have morphed into someone I am quite fond of. I tapped into a darker and more cynical part of myself but I don’t feel bitter. In a situation like mine it’s easy to become bitter. First a divorce and then a house fire a year later. It’s quite amazing that I’m still functioning and I can laugh about both of those now even though they aren’t really all that funny.

     When I look back at who I was before and who I am now I see more confidence than I had before. I walked away from religion and saw that I could live a life separately from who I thought I wanted to be. I’m ok saying that I have no idea what tomorrow’s going to bring and I’m ok with that. I don’t panic about the future amymore and rarely think about it.

     I don’t have that fear of dying alone or never finding a woman that will bring peace and balance to my life because I don’t think she exists. I don’t believe in love anymore and if I end up totally alone for the remainder of my life I have become ok with it and don’t mind that there isn’t a woman out there for me.

     To morph into someone your happy with is an amazing concept. So many people will list shit that they want to change and stride toward this version of themselves that they think will somehow make them happier. They run toward religion or relationships thinking that’s the missing piece but the missing piece is happiness and being comfortable with who you are, not what you can become.

     As I close this blog there’s no advice that I can give you or pearls of wisdom that will make life easier or more meaningful. There are no right answers or even perfect relationships. Don’t rely on God for guidance is really all I have. God will fuck you up and make you lazy. We’re taught to rely on God for everything but sometimes you just have to do it yourself. God will let you down because that’s just how religion works.

     So that’s all I have for advice and now I am going to continue and ponder on how I’ve been separated for two years.
    

The evils of Facebook

     I was going to wait awhile before writing a blog but I have a night in which I am wide awake and coherent. I also have noticed that when listen to Dave Matthews Band I tend to relax a bit which is pretty cool. I think it’s important to have music that relaxes and sooths the soul.

     I have no idea why Dave Matthews relaxes me but it does. I put on The Lillywhite Sessions and I’m at peace. You can tell me that my dog died or that I have cancer and it just doesn’t matter. The is thing I haven’t been able to do is stop thinking. Ever have that problem? I usually don’t but damn it today I do.
   
     Someone mentioned on Facebook that I brag too much. I shouldn’t mention how many hours I work or anything that would seem bragging. I always thought people would bitch about the swearing or the fact that I take too many pictures of myself in public bathrooms but no that wasn’t it.

     Why do I take so many pictures in random bathrooms? I have no fucking idea. I go in to take a piss and I figure hell, while I’m here why not snap a picture of me throwing up the devil horns.

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     It just looks pretty rad and I guess part of the fun is that someone could walk in and see this. Every bathroom I hit I do this. Not this pose mind you, but a selfie in front of a mirror.

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     I don’t wave my dick about or act like a whore but it has just become this thing I do. The shittier the bathroom the happier I am. I don’t mean shitty as in feces painted on the wall or piss puddles on the floor shitty, I just mean small, or with a full trash can behind me.

     To be honest it all started as a goof. My ex-wife would send me these while we were out and it was my way of making fun of this idea that bathroom pics were somehow cool. They aren’t. I know this and so does everyone else. That’s why I would take a picture like this in a church bathroom

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     Back to the bragging. I feel as if I have a right to brag a little. I have been through hell and it’s pretty rad to be at a place in my life where I am not only happy but making money. A year ago I didn’t have shit. My house was gone, I was barely working and now I have a job that allows me to be comfortable. Why the hell wouldn’t I brag?

     Of course it dawned on me that people are always going to be miserable no matter what. They are going to be miserable and bitter regardless. It’s just their nature. They won’t be happy unless everyone else is just as bitter and miserable as they are. When you refuse they get upset and become jealous whiner babies.

     When you work hard and become proud of what you’ve accomplished why not shout that shit from the fucking rooftops? Just because there are those that don’t have jobs I’m supposed to keep silent. I refuse. I’m happy that I have been through hell and back. It’s not my fault that there are people that don’t work as many hours as I do or don’t have jobs.

     If it bothers people so much why do they still follow me on Facebook? If I make them that miserable why stick around? Could it be the random bathroom pictures or the endless supply of fucked up status updates? I have no filter. I will throw out whatever pops into my head and rarely give it a thought. Does that make me lose sleep? No.

     If you’re proud of where you are in life share that shit. Make others see just how rad your life is. I never in a million years thought of it as bragging but some people do but guess what? Fuck you. I am able to do what I want and it doesn’t bother me that there are those that can’t afford half the shit I buy and so what. If I want to hit up EBay and buy a few Tool t-shirts I will and I will take pictures of the food I am eating because guess what? I worked my ass off to eat at that restaurant and I want everyone to eat there because the food is fucking amazing.

    Now I leave you with this fucked up picture of me in a floppy pink hat

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Internet Dating

     Here’s the thing. While normal people are sleeping I’m wide awake and have a job that doesn’t give me a lot to do. I have anywhere from 10-12 hours to fill and there’s only so much Candy Crush you can play before you start to grow bored.

     I have found that reading helps pass the time but I crave more. I get a lot of hits on this dating website I went onto about three years ago and what surprises me is that women have actually responded. These are mostly through instant messages that are on their server. I  order to respond you have to become a member and that’s not ever going to happen because I refuse to pay for something I can do for free.

     I found the answer through Google Play. It seems everyone is using these dating apps so I figured why not check it out. At the very least I have killed a good hour and get to giggle at all the bullshit questions they ask. These are all geared toward finding your perfect match. Does that even exist?

     Since when did we answer some random questions and hope for the perfect person to fall from the sky? What happened to chemistry? is it possible that maybe, just maybe I’m old fashioned and find this a tad bit illogical? If I have no intentions of pursuing this then why even sign up? Curiosity. I want to see what types chicks respond.

     I giggle as I look at these profiles because these women say they want a serious relationship but all I can see is their cleavage. Fuck a relationship just let me motor boat your tits! I don’t even have to have sex with you just show me your tits and I’ll move along. If you’re showing your cleavage to total strangers how the fuck am I supposed to take you seriously?

     What these woman want is also scary. They want way too much to be on a dating website. There’s too much that they admit too but the question is why? When you admit to so much information there’s nowhere to go. There should be some mystery involved.

     I admit that I won’t get any hits on my profile and I’m ok with that. All I wanted was to make the time go by faster so I filled out the surveys and shit and saw that an hour flew by. Then I checked out some cleavage and logged off. My ideal mate isn’t there anyway and I’m fine with that.

     There’s that fear that half of these women are stalkers or a serial killer anyway so I’m going to work my shift and then go home and sleep. I’ll forget all about this dating website. I have a feeling this may come back to haunt me. When I do shit like this it always does