A Holiday Rant

     What the hell is wrong with companies that assume it’s ok to run Christmas commercials a week before Halloween? When I was a kid there were rules for this shit. The official Christimas season never began until the day after Thanksgiving.

     There are television networks already airing nothing but Christmas programming and there are radio stations already playing Christmas carols. What the hell is wrong with people? I shouldn’t walk into a store and see how manu shopping days there are until Christmas on November tenth. Guess what? I don’t give a fuck.

          I happen to like Christmas but not when I’m told to. I’m not a mindless fucking consumer who has to buy a bunch of shit so people will love me. Only shallow people do that. In America we have to buy shit because supposedly it boosts the economy. You know what else boosts the economy? Jobs, and less people relying on government assistance.

     The idea here is if the season starts early enough people will be tempted to buy. Makes sense doesn’t it? It’s not even about the holiday it’s all about getting you to spend your hard earned money on shit that will sit around until the kids open it in December.

     We are in a recession. No one wants to be reminded that they need to buy presents. Don’t get me started on those Christian folks who want to put Christ back into Christmas. What a bunch of assholes. People should be able to celebrate Christmas the way they want to.

     If I want to take Jesus out of it then so be it. For me Christmas means something completely different than what these fine Christian folks believe. That is the beauty of free will. I  can be a decent human without the blood of Christ raining down on my body.

     People who read my blog know that I hate shopping. Fucking hate it and I think if I were given a choice between shopping and taking a kick to the nuts I would take that kick like a boss. Christmas shopping always burns my ass due to how rude and smelly people are. Kids run around like drunken little midgets and people turn into fucking helmet wearing retards all for the  desire to buy shit.

     This year I am bypassing all that shit and buying everything online. It works for me because I can shop naked and and I don’t lose my temper over some slow moving bitch with a cart full of toys and whatever the fuck else soccer moms buy. The hassle of leaving the house and dealing with ignorant people is eliminated.

     Now I have to hear assholes whine that by buying everything online I’m doing some terrible disservice to my local economy and to that I say eat me. I am a consumer who does shop locally. I buy cigarettes, and everything else in my hometown. That helps my local economy 365 days a year and just because I buy my kids Christmas presents online doesn’t make me evil.

     You people drove me to shop online. You ran over my shins with your shopping carts, your kids have cut in front of me and had the balls to laugh about and don’t get me started on the elderly. Jesus Christ people, you have made me a recluse with your stupidity and shitty manners. Not even hot MILFS wearing sweat pants will drag me out to the stores this year and when I do I am quick. I’m not like you people. I know what I want and I grab and get the fuck out.

     You have these ignorant fucks with the screaming babies and what do they do? Keep shopping. I have come close to punting these fucking kids simply because their parents have zero consideration for others around them. Why oh why would I endure that this joyous holiday season?

     Lastly let me tell you about this bell ringing fuck. This guy stands outside and rings a bell for a charity and has the balls to bitch because I’m smoking outside. Do your fucking job asshole and ring that fucking bell. I am a smoker okay? I smoke outside because I have to and you whining about your asthma just cost your organization a donation. You don’t like smoke? Move. It’s simple. Walk the fuck away cock stain, but don’t stand there ringing that fucking bell and bitch because the smoke bothers you.

     As a smoker I take my right to smoke outside reluctantly anyway and whiny smokers always get a faceful of smoke because I hate nonsmoking whiner babies. If your job requires you to ring a fucking bell for a living you better be a happy smiling asshole because people remember the ones that are ungrateful and bitch when people walk buy them. It’s not personal. Some of us don’t carry cash because it’s a pain the ass. Get over it.

     As soon as heard this guy start whining  about smokers I looked at the lady next to me who was also smoking and said loudly; “Looks like someone won’t be getting a donation.” I went into the store and when I left I made a point to light a cigarette and blew that shit right into his fat fucking face. Take that asshole.

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