First blog of the new year

     First blog of the new year and one that has already started on a downer. I could write an entire blog about gun laws and my personal tragedy but I’m not a sharer. Just never been one to talk about shit that people really don’t need to hear.

     When you walk into politics or gun laws you always have one ignorant asshole that will just throw slogans at you as if they’re throwing stars. People just don’t delve into issues of censorship, or even personal freedom on their own. Instead they’re spoon fed the same party bullshit until it starts to sound good and even realistic.

     You can make it harder to purchase guns but you know the criminals get theirs illegally and they always have bigger and better ones. See what happens? You say something like that and someone will say get rid of guns all together. The thing is if they’re used correctly they aren’t evil. Even if you ban all guns the criminals will still have bigger and better guns and what then?

     Now some random facts about me. I’m not a hugger. People will try and hug me and I smoothly transition into a handshake. A hug just feels too intimate and why the fuck are there so many dudes who swoop in for a hug. Christian men are notorious for this and it really bugs the hell out of me.

     I also hate being touched. Grosses me out because I have no idea where these hands have been. Just the thought of being touched makes me ill. I always want to ask them if their hands are clean. It makes it difficult to date and I have to fake revulsion when I am in a relationship and the chick wants to hold my hand or even hold me.

     Relationships are hard as fuck as it is but it makes it even harder when you hate being touched. I have no idea where it stemmed from. There’s usually a trigger but I just discovered it while I was actually seeing this girl and she was all into the whole touching bullshit. She was holding my hand and I was really grossed out.

     The fucked up thing was that her hands were soft. There are some woman who have hands that feel like sandpaper or a dead fish but that wasn’t the case at all. Having a girlfriend and not being a hugger is another problem due to most chicks feeling that a hug is an important part of a healthy relationship. Can’t I just smack a chick with my dick to show her how much I like her?

     From now on if I really like a woman I won’t hug her, I’ll just dick slap her. When she least expects it I’ll just wait until she’s sitting down and I’ll whack her in the face with my dick. I’ll be like Darth Vader wielding a lightsaber. Would that be insulting to hit a woman with my cock?

     This could start a new trend. I could tell a woman Iove her and slap her with cock meat. Letting your penis bounce of your girlfriend’s forehead is a great way to say I love you. If she asks how much I love her I’ll just pull out my dick, beat her with it and then walk away.

     I can’t understand why people feel it necessary to touch anyway. Is it some primal need to feel important? If I’m talking to you isn’t that enough? Why do you feel the need to touch me. Maybe I’ll just start slapping everyone with my dick. Want to shake hands? Well, let’s see what happens when I hit you with my dick.

     I think maybe I should see a psychiatrist. See if he or she can figure out why I’m so fucked and antisocial. I could figure out why I have an issue with commitment and why I have this strange compulsion to dick whip people. It would be interesting to get their take on why I’m the way that I am. If I’m really lucky I can get some pills that make me drool all over myself and masturbate like a monkey.

     Wait, I can’t afford health care despite what the president said. He said that he was making health care affordable for everyone but there was a little bullshit in there. Health care is still unaffordable and the penalty for not having it is still cheaper than the plans I was offered.

     Wait, where was I? Shit, I don’t think it really matters. Instead of hitting people with my dick I should just whack them with a floppy dildo. That would be even more insulting. Choke out annoying fucks with anal beads maybe? That’s it. Blog’s over and thanks for reading.

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