After almost two years I am finally moving out of my mom’s house. I should in all honesty wait longer but I know me. If I don’t take the opportunity now I will just wait longer and the month will turn into another year. I thought about moving maybe three days ago and looked at a couple of places on the interweb. The idea was to just look and see what was out there in my price range. I figured in a couple pay periods I should be ready but I got a call that made it not only easy but possible to actually hold an apartment until I could come up with a security deposit. Sometimes things like that just happen for me. I never plan it or anything it just kind of happens.
Is it where I wanted to move? No, but if you live with, or remember living with your parents you know that you get really fucking comfortable and keep giving yourself reasons to stay. As a kid we all remember living at home. It was great and it was also like hell on earth. You never have any privacy and if you shit there’s always the risk of someone walking in on you. That’s distracting as hell and when I shit I play a lot of Farm Saga Heroes. I have to concentrate and be relaxed. I can’t have my mom walking in on me while I’m dropping a duece. Wanna talk about awkward? It’s down right sad.
Back to the original topic and that’s the location. It isn’t where I wanted to be initially but I sign a year lease and can move again when I have more money and can upgrade. The more I think about it the more I see this as a step in the right direction. I can afford the rent and can as time goes on also buy furniture. I can’t afford storage so even if I wanted to buy furniture I have nowhere to put it. The main thing is that I will regain my privacy. That means a lot to me. I miss having the option of making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich naked, or shitting with the door open. God I miss the freedom of shitting with the door open. A location really doesn’t mean anything to me unless I live somewhere that’s unsafe and gunshots are just part of the charm of the neighborhood,
Moving out is the one thing I have been wanting to do for a very long time but I guess I lacked the balls. Do you have any idea how hard it is to talk to women when you live with your mom and step-dad? They look at you as if you’re a freak. When I’m able to explain about the fire and the lack of funds to move they get it but without explaining it I look like some kind of social loser that refuses to grow up. When a woman wants to fuck you she doesn’t want to sneak past your mom’s bedroom and if she wants to stay overnight your mother knows what you’re doing. You can fuck as quietly as possible but if a woman spends the night there’s going to be some fucking going on. A woman already feels as if she’s competing with your mom so you shouldn’t really have to compete with her. Chicks shouldn’t have to deal with that shit and it’s not fair to ask them to.
So I guess the question is what took me so damn long? Lack of funds and the safety net of being at home. It’s safe and you don’t have to be responsible. I reached a point though where I needed to have my own space, a place that was mine. I have boxes of books that are scattered everywhere because I don’t have anywhere to put them. It’s become a chance to prove to people that I can actually do this and survive. People seem to think that I can’t move out. I have it too easy an they’re right. That’s exactly why I have to move out. I need to prove to myself that I can do it. I may also want to have sex again and I would like to do it in my own place. Random sex that happens anywhere. You kick open the door and just start fucking. People do that shit and here I am not getting laid at all because I’m too fucking embarrassed to ask women out. I hate that look of revulsion and pity. It’s almost as bad as the walk of shame.
What it really boils down to is regaining my manhood and dignity. I want to feel as if I have accomplished the one thing that no one thought I would accomplish. Of course, in a an apartment complex you always have the risk of having neighbors that want to be your friend and occasionally pop in just to see how you are. There are a lot of risks and I figure just moving in is enough for now. I used to have a lot of random shit to blog about but now? i got nothing. If this move actually happens imagine the shit I could come up with! Hillbilly hot neighbors, nights of drunken stupidity. After Tuesday this could be a new beginning for me. In closing I have to admit that I have always wanted to fuck a random chick in a laundromat. I fluff she folds or maybe I can put her through the spin cycle. I have been unhappy for a very long time so maybe, just maybe I can find my smile again.