Hello, wanna see a magic trick

     I would love start out this blog and be a total dick. It would be a lot of fun to be a douche bag who is so full of himself that people would actually send me hate mail. I read somewhere that someone had actually shit in a box and mailed it to the person they hated. That’s a lot of fucking hate. You really have to hate someone a lot to take a shit in an empty box and mail it to someone. That speaks volumes. That’s a lot of hate. There were no words. Just the shit. I guess words aren’t needed in a situation like that. Do you wake up and think; “Screw that motherfucker! I’ll show him!” Would you take the box into the bathroom or just kind of hover over it in the living room? Then you have to decide between bubble wrap or packing peanuts. Packing peanuts would really put an exclamation mark on the hatred. Imagine digging in and discovering there’s a shit in the box!

     My favorite way of showing hatred is bottling. Bottling shows a band that they suck. They start playing and all of a sudden it’s a sea of bottles headed toward the offending band. Sometimes the bottles are actually filled with piss and one band was pelted with shit. Think about it for a second. Some one took a shit in their hand and threw it at a band that wanted nothing more than to play music for a bunch of people. You really have to hate a band a lot to stop and shit in your hand just throw it. That’s some serious dedication. People are really bummed about the bottling but I figure if you pay to see a show and a band on the bill sucks why not cut their set short? You paid good money to see good music so take the piss to the shitty bands.

     I can’t  be an asshole or a dick because it’s not who I am. Am I sarcastic and a bit dark? Sure but I could never just become someone I’m not. That takes balls. The reason I’m writing about this is because I recently discovered that my book is being published. Part of me wants to write that in all caps and a lot of swagger. It’s really mind blowing to know that I have a book coming out and I love that it’s through an indie publisher. I support indie publishing and to be a part of that is pretty fucking cool. I’m in a group of writers that write because they enjoy it. They still have real jobs because their books may have an audience but it’s a small one. I just hope that someone likes my book enough that they’ll actually buy it. It’s weird to think that my book will actually be on someone’s Kindle or backpack. It’s humbling to think that of all the books they could have bought they decided to buy mine.

     I want to be the kind of writer that interacts with his fans. The people that bought the book are important to a writers growth and if you’re a dick to those people they’ll remember that shit and when the next book comes out odds are they won’t buy it. Deep down I’m still a fan of books so nothing has changed for me. It’s a little nerve wracking because I have no idea how people are going to react to it. That’s something I think about a lot but so far the general consensus is that it’s good and the parts that I giggled at, they’re giggling at. It shows that my sick sense of humor is shared by others.

     Now that I have a book being published are there any other goals I’d like to accomplish? Of course there are. Have you seen how hot Kat Dennings is?

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That is one of my goals. Never going to happen but it’s nice to have goals. Goals keep us grounded and make life fun. If I were dating I could never tell you that she’s one of my goals. If I do ever date will Kat no longer be a goal? If I meet a woman that interests me then Kat will be removed along with my second goal

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      For now all I can do is mentally prepare for my book to be unleashed upon an unsuspecting public. I can’t wrap my brain around the fact that I not only wrote a book but a publisher liked it enough to release it. I am now a published author. Does it change anything? Nope, cos there are people out there who don’t do a lot of book learning and there are also those who tend to steer clear of the splatterpunk genre. They have weak hearts or stomachs or something, I dunno. There is an audience for the type of stuff I write which is good. If there weren’t I wouldn’t be writing this blog. The big question now is what do I do? I’d like to go to Disneyland but I can’t afford it.      

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One thought on “Hello, wanna see a magic trick

  1. Pingback: Its Friday... | Half-Heart

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