Splatterpunk And Manginas

     With Legacy being released I figured why not take a vacation to promote it? I had actually reached a point where I needed some time off. I work third shift so I could use a normal bed time. I think most of all what I really wanted was a chance to settle into my apartment. A week off doing Jack shit was exactly what I needed.

     I was able to lose an entire manuscript due to an accidently tablet reformat and I also got to see my book in print format which is pretty rad. I spent so much time writing it and then seeing what the finished product looked like that I didn’t even imagine what it would feel like actually holding a copy in my hands. It’s a bit surreal and when people ask you to sign theirs you have no idea what to write. It’s almost like signing someone’s yearbook all over again. What the hell am I supposed to write? See you around maybe?

     I’ve settled into the new apartment and due to a new relationship I have a woman already marking territory. It sounds pretty frightening but it’s not.It just shows that if a woman likes you some of her stuff will just migrate into your apartment. You may not even realize how much stuff is there until you open your medicine cabinet and find your girls tooth brush and in the fridge you find her coffee creamer.

     I’ve noticed that if a woman really likes you she slowly brings stuff into the apartment when you’re not looking and you’re favorite t-shirt comes up missing not long after you’ve taken it off. The whole shirt thing I’ll never understand and I assume it’s a chick thing because I have never stolen a chick’s shirt just cos it smells like her. As a horror writer I have to be careful because I do have a rep to uphold. I can’t be all mushy and shit and spout off poetry. That would result in me losing my hardcore horror writers card. People have this idea of what a horror writers supposed to be and now that my first book has been released I have to be careful.

     I just can’t believe that my vacation is almost over. I have another year before my next one and I need to plan better. I hope by then I’ll have another book out or at the very least a movie made based on Legacy. I would love to see what I created on a flat screen tv. I don’t even care if it’s direct to blu-ray as long as that shit gets made.

     I can also tell you that if you’re a writer hoping to be published you are going to need to get a pimp hat. You think just because you wrote the book you’re done? Not true and I have spread links faster than Linsdsey Lohan’s thighs and you never know if it’s actually working. You want people to read your book so you network and become a pimp. Is it fun? It can be because you should be proud of your work. If you aren’t then why the fuck did you agree to have it published? You should quit now because you have no business writing.

     I had no idea that promotion would become like a second job but that’s why I took the vacation. I want people to read Legacy so I spread links and even added it to Goodreads hoping someone would at least review it. The thing is that reviews are really hard to come by and it’s kind of like pulling teeth. I’m curious to see what people thought of it. As a writer you vomit out this novel through your brain and then fret that people aren’t’ going to like it.

     Let’s go back to the woman for a moment because I’m sure there are a lot of people who are saying; Fuck the book mate, tell us about the woman. I keep going back to Of Mice And Men and Lenny is all about the rabbits. Tell me about the rabbits George! That’s how I feel. The book Isn’t as important as the woman who has started bringing stuff into my apartment. Tell me about the woman Mike.

     When I compiled the list I had no idea that this woman actually existed. I figured I’d write the list and promptly forget about it because I just wrote the list so people would stop trying to get me to date. At the time I lived with my parents so it would have been embarrassing to date anyway and feel as if I were totally invested in a relationship.  No woman is going to want to date me for very long and I accepted it and compiled the list. I was able to tell people to politely piss off that way.

     The thing to remember about life is that it happens no matter what. You can say that you are going to be single forever but at some point a woman is going to approach you and she is going to blow your mind. You can’t plan for that type of shit either. You just wake up one morning and she approaches you out of nowhere and before you know it you’re wondering what happened.

     All I will say is that she is exactly what I’ve been looking for. The geek, the chick who is not only intelligent but someone that totally gets me. She sees exactly how random I can be and she accepts it. A woman like this is awesome because she Isn’t looking to mold you into someone you will never be. She will have you watchihng Dr Who and Firefly because she loves this shit and to compromise she is williing to watch some weird fucked up movie because she likes you.

     This is the kind of woman that you can listen to old Beatles songs and you see her in most of them. It’s rare to find a woman like that so all you can really do is hope for the best and invite her over for dinner. When she walks in the door you get all excited and think that this is the happiest you’be been all day.

     I realize that If I write anymore of this blog my reputation as a hardcore splatterpunk author will suddenly become questionable. How in the hell does he manage to write such a fucked up novella with a vagina? So instead of bringing my manhood into question I’ll just end this blog here.

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