I would love more time. Just a few more hours or at least a clone of myself which would be pretty cool. The idea of two of me would probably scare the hell out of people and I can even see me hanging out with myself. I would have a blast impulse shopping and getting easily distracted by random shit. I get easily distracted which makes it hard for me to write a blog about one topic. When I write a story my mind fires off in a variety of directions and it’s always fun to rein myself in. i tried to write outlines and drafts but they never work. I always veer off the outline and nothing outlined ever ends up in the right place. I have no discipline when it comes to writing and it kind of sucks because it seems everyone has a routine. They have a specific time set aside and then there’s me. I write whenever inspiration strikes but then something always distracts me. I get sidetracked by Netfix or a snack and then the writing just gets set aside. I wish I could write a certain number of words a day but my mind isn’t wired that way. I was proud that I got Legacy done when I did and it took a lot of discipline. I set a deadline and followed it. That’s the only way I can get any writing done. Having ADD amuses me but it’s also frustrating. I thought that as I got older it would just go away but it hasn’t and like so many Americans I am easily sidetracked and find that doing the simplest tasks are quite often a pain in the ass.
I really need a clone. A clone that will not only help me focus but work my third shift job so I can spend more time with my girl and write all sorts of crazy shit. I have a feeling that my writing career is on the verge of taking off yet I’m stuck with a job that stifles my creativity. Do have any idea how frustrating that is? In our current economic climate finding a new job isn’t as easy as it used to be and quitting isn’t an option. I’m at that stage in my writing career where i don’t make any money. Each sub is just an opportunity to get my name out there. People assume that just because you have a book out it means you have extra cash but the truth is I still work and have yet to make any money writing. I’m not complaining and if I thought i’d make a lot of money writing right out of that gate I’d be really really disappointed. I write because I enjoy it and who knows maybe some day I’ll actually make money doing it. Until then I’ll keep subbing stories and hope that I build some sort of fan base that actually wants to read my work. It ties into the whole theme of time and how we sometimes need to have patience and have fun doing what we love. The more I think about the secret to life the more I realize that in order to live full rich lives we have to do something that we love. You can’t be happy unless you find that one thing that truly makes you happy.
I just wish I had more time to do what I enjoy but doesn’t everyone? When I wrote Legacy I had no idea that it would lead where it has. My writing was always something I never pursued for reasons too numerous too mention here but once that door opened it was full of a few good opportunities that stem from not just my writing but my love of books as well. I was given an opportunity to review books for a very cool website called brutal books and that’s a lot of fun but with the full time job and the writing and the girlfriend it makes life a little more interesting. Am I spreading myself a bit thin? Perhaps but I think if you truly love doing something you always make time to do it. i read all the time anyway so reviewing books isn’t all that difficult. I do dislike most critics so for me to become one is pretty funny. Time is something we always take or granted when we don’t have anything to do and now I need more of it. More time to review, more time to write, and less time spent sleeping. I work 12 hours from 9 in the evening until 9 in the morning. That’s where most of my time is spent which at one time wasn’t that big of a deal. I wasn’t writing, I wasn’t reviewing and I didn’t have a girlfriend. Things are totally different now and I need a change.
When you look at your life and see what it’s becoming it makes life a bit more tolerable. I see where I’m headed and I like that for the first time ever there are all of these unknowns. Time is the one thing I need more of. I thought about my life and saw for the first time how much my job interferes with my future. Has anyone ever looked at their life and realized that their job is actually holding them back? It’s scary to see this wide open future and knowing that the one thing holding you back is your job, I have never had that happen before. My job has always been what kept me from starving or going insane. I had to work because there was nothing else but there are a lot of doors opening and I’m no longer stuck. Being stuck is a feeling I have become used to but not anymore. Change is coming and I have two options. Resist or plow forward. I choose to plow forward.
Being a fan of horror I never imagined that I would be given an opportunity to be involved in it. I write it, I review it and I’m still a huge fan. It took a long time to get here and I am enjoying the hell out of it. If there’s a lesson or something to glean from this blog I would just tell you to do what you enjoy and while there may not be enough hours in the day to accomplish everything you want to do enjoy what you’re doing while you’re doing it. Take the time to make yourself happy and do what you love. It may not make sense to other people but who cares as long as it makes sense to you. We always want more time but the thing is that by wishing we had it we’re actually wasting the time we do have.