Playing Dress Up With My Invisible Friend

I have to be honest and say that I’m not really a fan of fall, It’s a shitty boring season that just prolongs an even shittier season which is winter. Fuck fall. Fuck all the leaves changing color and let’s just be honest and admit that fall is just a shitty bi-polar month, You can never dress right in the fall. You can guess what it’s going to be and I guess in other states or countries that you live in that would be fine but I live in Ohio. Our weather people can’t predict our weather because it changes every fifteen minutes. You can step outside and it’s seventy. Go back in, get some coffee and go back out it’s gone down to fifty degrees. People that live in Ohio bitch all the time about the weather we have but where the fuck are we gonna go? We have kids and jobs. We’re stuck. The older I get the more cantankerous I become. To me the perfect weather is around seventy. Any hotter and I hate leaving my house. I have central air so why in the hell do I need groceries? It’s hot out, Fuck it, I’m watching Netflix.

I have to point out in this blog that I have the best girlfriend ever, I say this because I know how difficult I can be, She puts up with a lot from me. We go to the store and I am distracted by the most random shit, I go in for soap and come out with shit I didn’t know I wanted. (Edit in from the girlfriend.  As I just pointed out to him, he didn’t want it until he saw it.  I need to blindfold him when we go shopping.) Instead of grabbing me by my shoulders and slapping the piss out of me she giggles. As soon as I hear that I know that at some point the ADD kicked in and I am in full Hammy the squirrel mode. She never complains and that’s part of why I love her. She knows how bad shit will get once I’m outside yet she just rolls her eyes and giggles.

Dating a smart woman has some serious benefits, On top of being amazing and beautiful she uses big words which is sexy as fuck. Having a conversation with her is freeing, I don’t have to dumb myself down or explain myself because she totally understands me. There’s nothing worse than talking to your girlfriend and looking over at her and you’ve totally broken her by just talking to her. It’s one thing to break a girl during sex but when you’re having a conversation and you look at her and her eyes are glazed over, and she’s drooling you know you’ve just broken her. There’s no relationship after that. She just became that dumb bitch you have to get rid of.

As a writer it’s important to be with someone who stimulates you mentally. I had this check list of what I was looking for in a woman and she had every quality that I was looking for and she totally accepts me for who I am. I can be just as fucking random as I want and she is right there with me. She reads every fucked up story I write and she still loves me. I took on book reviews for brutalbooks.com which is a great splatterpunk website. After reading this you should go and check it out. Instead of saying you might be taking on too much she supported me and was happy for me. She may not read the books I review but so what I don’t expect her to. That would make me a bit of an asshole.

Now that’s October I can finally rejoice because as a horror fan I love Halloween. What’s not to like about a month designed to scare the shit out of you. What annoys me is that people only watch horror movies during the Halloween season which really confuses me. Horror films are such a huge part of entertainment avoiding them would be almost impossible. A world without horror would be a sad world. I need to see Jason chop up some hot naked chick or, watch as Leatherface fucks shit up with a chainsaw, As a horror writer I urge those people who only watch horror films and read horror novels only in October to please stop being an asshole. You’re killing me.

As the year creeps to its end I have to say that this has been an awesome year for me. I became a published author, started dating an amazing woman and I’m being published in six anthologies that people who only read horror stories in October won’t get to read until next year. I went from wondering if I was good enough to thinking yep, I am good enough so as soon as these anthologies are out I will throw links up everywhere. A lot of doors are opening for me and I have a lot of people to thank for that. I even managed to get two stories into Dynatox anthologies. That in itself is pretty fucking cool To be a fan of not only Jordan Krall, but his publishing company Dynatox Ministries, and then have stories featured in two of his books is a true watershed moment for me. I’m not one to toot my own horn, but toot toot. No one knows that I write but that’s beside the point. Soon they will and even when, and if they do it doesn’t matter to me.  I didn’t write to be famous and if anyone does that they’re going to be disappointed real fast. I am having a blast and I’m growing into a decent writer,

The splatterpunk genre has been amazing. I have had a few authors invite me to submit stories for a couple of anthologies. Stuart Keane, Jim Goforth, and Jeff O’Brien are some of the coolest dudes around. Not only are they talented writers but they have made this writing thing a lot easier. There is a huge network of support in the splatterpunk community ad guys like Alex Johnson, and even women like Cat Dahman have a true passion and love for this genre. I’m proud to be a part of it. You can follow me on Facebook by following this link here https://www.facebook.com/splatterpunkmonkey. As a fan of horror I don’t mind connecting with other horror fans. I am all out of shit to say so here is where we part company.

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