The Ego Deflated

I’m supposed to be editing but here I sit checking email and listening to REO Speedwagon. Have you ever tried to edit while listening to heavy metal? It’s a nightmare and I can’t concentrate. When I edit I usually look it as a chance to improve what’s already there and then my awesome girlfriend does the proper editing and will point out my glaring mistakes. She’s good at it and I trust her with whatever I’m writing. Without her my manuscripts wouldn’t be as tight as they are in my head. So I have a variety of different styles of music that I listen to while writing. Some of my most brutal scenes were written while listening to Taylor Swift and the occasional Kelly Clarkson stalker record. REO is calming and allows me to focus which for me is a difficult thing to do. This record is one of the greatest rock albums ever created.  fhi_infidel

I haven’t blogged in awhile and there’s a good reason for that. I had nothing to write about. My life is at a point where everything is going well and for some reason that upsets people. I want to be all sad and shit but I can’t because I have an awesome girlfriend and I’m a published author. There’s nothing to be sad or mopey about. I survived a brutal ass winter and TOOL has a new record out. Those are valid reasons to be happy. The problem with blogs and social media is that people want to show you just how miserable and fucked up they are. I was guilty of that for awhile, but now? Shit is working out and I have never been happier.

The only complaint I have is that I’m a published author yet in my house that shit gets me no special privileges or treatment. I’m in a book called Dynatox A-Go Go and I was all excited about when I received it in the mail. Even though my girl is proud of me I still had to cook dinner and do dishes! As a published author there should be some kind of special treatment, but here I am taking out the garbage and doing dishes. I even tried explaining that as a published author I should be excluded from certain things but all I get is the look that tells me I have truly lost my damn mind. I get that look a lot for some reason. That look is on her face quite a bit and I swear sometimes I’m developing a complex.

IMAG0343 IMAG0346

As a writer I should have an ego. I should have the right to boast and declare myself the shit. It doesn’t even matter that I’m an indie writer and not many people have read my work but who cares! I’m a published writer damn it! Worship me or suffer my wrath! My girlfriend and my daughter keep my ego in check. In my house I declare that I’m the boss and my girlfriend laughs at me and my daughter informs me that Mindy’s the boss. They keep me from being an even bigger asshole than I already am and as important as I want to think I am they’re there to laugh at me and ask if dinner’s done. We all need people who keep us grounded and focused. I’m just thankful that Mindy puts up with me and my daughter has no choice. She’s stuck with me.

The thing is that I have been through a lot in the last few years and I want to toot my own horn and have a massive ego, but I can’t because there will always be someone more important than I am walking around. I’ll still be the indy guy cooking dinner and taking out the garbage. I love cooking so that’s not a big deal but dishes are beneath me. When I start getting paid for writing I’m getting a damn dish washer and a hammock, If anyone needs me I’ll be in the backyard, Wait, I don’t have any trees in my back yard. We’ll have to move then. So a house with a backyard full of fucking trees, a dishwasher, and a hammock.

This morning I was working on this blog and I had to make my daughter pancakes. I was being creative and I had to stop just so I could make pancakes, Does Stephen King have to make fucking pancakes? Don’t think so. Being creative is hard work and I have to cut that shit off to make breakfast. My daughter loves that I’m published but when she wakes up it’s time to stop writing and make breakfast. Even the dog fucks with my creative flow. I can be all involved in a manuscript and I have to stop writing so the dog can take a shit. It’s not right damn it!!

I guess you can say I’m whining and I say all of this with my tongue firmly in my cheek. I know that I am extremely lucky to be where I am. There are people who wake up just looking to be miserable and here I am singing Happy. You know that song by Pharrell Williams? I love that song and people hate it cos it’s been played so damn much, but that song makes me wanna dance and there’s nothing wrong with that.

Am I the only one not sick of Shake It Off yet? I can be writing my ass off and be stuck and I hear this and I’m good. As a horror writer I shouldn’t be listening to Shake It off or Happy and I forget that I’m even writing.

Maybe it ruins my rep as a bad ass horror writer but I think we all listen to shit that doesn’t fit in with the image people have of horror writers. What is that image anyway? I’m sure there’s some stuff that does fit in but for the most part I try to stay out of any sort of box. It makes life more interesting. Life is journey not a destination and I’m going to go back to spending time with my daughter and trying to edit my new book


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