The art of being offensive

I used to have a lot of fun writing my blogs. I never ran out of material either. Hell, all I had to do most days was just walk out my front door. You never run out of material if you just walk outside once in awhile. Then some shit happened. A house fire, I lived with my mom and stepdad for awhile but the thing is that I never thought that my blogs would lose their sense of humor, but somehow they did. I think I know what happened and no, it’s not Mindy’s fault. She is an amazing girlfriend and if anything I have only gotten worse. I’m still the same asshole I always was but then the writing thing happened.

I just got too busy to focus on the shit that bothered me and amused me. That was what this blog was for, but then I got sidetracked. I never ran out of shit to say, but the world moved into this weird place. A crazy lady refused to do her fucking job and the thing is she’s a fucking county clerk. A fucking monkey could do her job. The only problem would be the monkey would probably beat off all over your important documents and if he was in a foul mood he may throw his shit at you. Nothing worse than a pissed off monkey.

Kim Davis is an ugly woman that thought that she was trying to do God’s work. Jim Jones thought that too, and David Koresh as well. The problem is that she has no idea what God actually wants. I know that God is too busy dealing with famine and disease to worry about two gay people getting married. Kim has no idea what she wants either. How many times has she been married? I was surprised that she found someone that would fuck her. You’ve seen her. I’d rather fuck a cheese grater. And then you throw in all that religious bullshit into the mix and she becomes nothing more than a crazy cat lady with a rubber stamp.

I want to go back to free the nipple. Remember how awesome that was?! Fucking boobies everywhere and why the hell not? Who is offended by naked breasts? I was a happy guy and then of course someone got butt hurt. Who is the asshole that got offended by female breasts? I want to punch you in the dick for ruining a perfectly awesome event. I thought I was an asshole. Whoever is offended by this should be repeatedly punched in the dick. I finally found a campaign that I could get behind and I will support any and all women who want to show her breasts. Just don’t send me pictures because it would get me in a lot of trouble at home. Surely I’m not the only guy who gets excited by boobies. Fuck, maybe I am. That’s pretty fucking sad.

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Which one you fucks is offended by Alyssa Milano’s breastfeeding picture? Honestly I didn’t think I was the only one who saw the baby and thought; “That is one lucky baby.” Shit I wonder if her husband is drinking from those fun bags? In all honesty a woman feeding her baby is perfectly normal. Why should any woman be forced to feed her child in a smelly bathroom anyway? It’s no different than any one else eating except the meal comes from a tit. Female boobs are awesome and you got to see an exposed breast! Why the hostility? In that picture there is nothing offensive being shown. It’s a baby eating for fuck’s sake. Sure, it’s Alyssa Milano and, you can imagine what those perky nipples look like but aside from that it’s a baby and a mother bonding. Nothing wrong with that. Any woman breast feeding in public should be left the fuck alone. Maybe just maybe if you want, you can whip your dick out if that will make you feel better. While you’re at it put it in a scalding bowl of soup.

Is it safe to make fun of Bruce Jenner yet? Brave my fucking ass. He got rid of his bait and tackle and you call this fruit loop a hero? Look up the definition of hero. I don’t think getting your banana peeled is heroic. Bruce got lucky. Had he done this two or three years ago we would all be laughing at his freaky ass. We still laugh at him….just not in public because those politically correct fucktards are still clapping as if this asshole just cured cancer. Wait, we can cheer on Bruce but get all out of whack for this???

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This is what makes me crazy. Bruce Jenner is still the same freak we made fun of a couple years ago and now we simply can’t, but there’s not a good reason. He’s a human being after all and it should be allowed to live however it wants. That’s great, because there will always be people like me making fun of him because he looks like a freak with a plastic vagina. I too have rights and can express any opinion I want because like Bruce, it’s my right as a mother fuckin’ American.

Did everyone miss me? Is there anyone not offended yet? What haven’t we covered? It’s been awhile since I actually wrote a blog like this and I’m sure that there will be a few comments from people and that’s okay because Alyssa’s nipples are covered. All you see is a half boob and maybe a few veins, but for just popping out that kid that boob looks pretty damn good. That is one lucky kid.

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