Here’s a glimpse at my writing. This is an early piece that I’m really proud of.
Save My Bastard Soul – Michael Noe
William watched her struggle, there were a million emotions that blended together to form not just love, but obsession. Her honey blond hair fell against her plump breasts. Her eyes dark and gray rolled back in her head but William wasn’t sure if it was pleasure or pain. It didn’t matter anyway because in the end it was all the same. One always led to the other, mingling in a cosmic sea of desire. He slowly reached out his hand, he wanted to feel her soft warm skin. There was so much he wanted to say to her, so much he planned on doing but he wanted to wait. For now he was perfectly fine with watching her slender nude body writhe on the blood stained mattress.
“Don’t be frightened my love.” His voice was husky with lust, his penis stiffened in anticipation. This was a dance. A slow rhythmic dance that they had entered into and it was hard to believe that she was here lying naked in his bed. The central air kicked on ruffling her hair, stiffening her raisin sized nipples, her back arched then slowly came back down. The shackles clinked loudly as she struggled to free herself from the restraints but they were secured tightly against the rusty gray head board so all she succeeded in doing was forcing the restraints tighter against her wrists. Tiny droplets of blood the size of tears leaked from under the cuffs.
It had been a long day and William wanted to sleep but he couldn’t bring himself to leave the room. He refused to admit that it was less of a bedroom and more of a prison. Prison sounded more intimidating, exactly what it was he couldn’t say. He refused to admit that he had forced her to come here, that he had threw her in the trunk of his car and drove her to his cabin deep in the woods. These were the same woods he had come to with his parents every summer. It was the same cabin he had brought ten other women to. Each one special in their own way, but in the end it didn’t really matter because she was here and everything was going to work. He could tell that this time would be different. He had faith but not in God because this woman lying here naked was his savior. She was the Messiah with her legs spread wide offering him salvation. She would save him from the darkness and the loneliness that infested his rotten soul. He would pray to her, he would pray to her warm and inviting sex. This was beyond religion, edging toward obsession. He needed her to save him. Wasn’t that what gods did?
Her name reminded him of a fallen angel. Her wings lay broken and scattered on the ground invisible to all those who came near her. Rebecca. How it rolled off his tongue when he whispered it late at night. When he touched himself it was to her beautiful beguiling face. He would imagine her naked walking toward him. Her smooth tan legs leading up to her warm moist womanhood. She would take him in her mouth slowly, moving faster until his seed was racing down her throat. Now she was here and they were together. It had to be fate. There were no other words for it. She was just as lost as he was and now together they had a direction, a purpose. They were no longer alone. She belonged to him and he belonged to her. It was destiny. They were brought together and as he stared at her he knew that the others had been a mistake but Rebecca wasn’t. She couldn’t be.
He thought about Janet and his heart almost pounded out of his chest. She was his first love and held a special place in his heart. Like Rebecca she too had been beautiful with the voice of a goddess. Meeting her was almost like fate and the shyness he usually felt around women was suddenly gone. William wasn’t an ugly man by any means so finding women had never been a problem. His problem was always approaching them and striking up a random conversation, but with Janet that had never been a problem. They both enjoyed fine art and classic films like Breakfast At Tiffany’s and Rebel Without A Cause and when he struck up the nerve to ask her out he was prepared for a crushing no. Women that beautiful were always unavailable so he waited for her to smile and say thank you but no thank you. The yes was music to his ears, he wanted to dance like Fred Astaire.
The date itself wasn’t important. What was important was what happened after the date. That was the part that William remembered the most, the date was typical bullshit that everyone goes through. He could see that she loved him and when she invited him in he struck like an angry cobra. The smile was now a lecherous leer, his eyes blazed with lust. Swinging his fist he cackled as it connected with her beautiful head. Janet’s eyes blinked rapidly as she just stood there dazed. The shock registered on her face as he ripped at her clothes. Janet tried to fight him off but William was too quick, his punches landing in her ribs, her left breast and a wild hay-maker caught her full on in the mouth forcing her teeth to fall out of her mouth like Chiclets
“I love you Janet. Tell me you love me.” Each word was delivered with a smack. He undid his belt and Janet’s eyes widened in horror at what he was about to do. Her shirt and bra were cut away revealing her small but firm breasts. His hands fondled her then tweaked her nipple with such force she cried out in pain.
“This is a special night my darling. Our love is going to bring us closer together. Tell me you love me.” William smiled and removed her pants and then her panties, She screamed as he shoved his hand deep inside of her. There was no love at all in what he was doing. She may as well have been a piece of meat lying on a counter top in need of tenderizing.
“Please, don’t hurt me,” she begged. Janet tried to cover her naked breasts with her arms but William swatted them away as if they were a pesky fly hovering around garbage. The fear had twisted her features into a frightening mask. Her eyes were wide full moons filled with terror.
“Why would I do that? I love you. I want to take you somewhere my love but you need to be quiet. I know this is overwhelming but we’ll be together forever. That my dear is what true love is really all about. Two people making a special connection.” He smiled at her and caressed her thigh, his fingers explored her pubic hair, the the thumb and pointer finger pulled at her clit.
“I love you too,” she whispered painfully. Blood leaked from her mouth and teeth lay scattered on her exposed chest. She was losing blood and it was affecting her speech. William stroked her hair and lie next to her. He wanted to make love to her but for the moment he was enjoying the feel of her body next to him. It felt so perfect, so right. His heart pounded in his chest and he wondered if anything else would ever feel this good again.
“It’s perfect isn’t it? We need to go. Can you stand?” He extended his hand hoping she would grab it but she lay there gazing at him. She began crying and he felt overwhelmed at her display of emotion.
“I’m not going anywhere. You can’t make me.”
“I can make you do whatever I want Janet. You’re my lover and you will do what I tell you to do.’ He grabbed a fistful of her hair and forced her to her feet. She cried out and struggled under his firm grasp but it only made him grip her hair tighter. He forced her close to him and kissed her. His tongue licked the congealing blood off her chin as if it were jelly. The smile on his face caused her to shudder with revulsion. “Now you better walk bitch.”
They walked to his car and he shoved her into the passenger seat. He ran around to the driver’s side and keyed the ignition. “Where are we going,” she asked. It was a starless summer night and William was thankful that there were no neighbors around to observe Janet being led naked from her house. It would lead to too many questions and he didn’t really want to answer them.
“It’s a surprise. Do you like surprises?”
Janet ignored the question and gazed out at the scenery that rushed by. “You’re going to kill me aren’t you.” It wasn’t even a question more of a statement that made William’s heart skip a beat.
“I don’t want to but if you don’t behave I will. I won’t think twice about killing you,” he snarled while yanking her out of the car. She screamed and wriggled to free herself but William hung on and just laughed as he drug her while she kicked and screamed. “Scream all you want honey. We’re all alone. There’s no one within miles.” To stress his point he screamed right along with her. Her wiggling intensified and suddenly her right foot connected with his ankle. It was a weak kick but it was just enough to force him to loosen his grip and Janet took off toward the car.
He watched her for a second and pulled a gun from the waist band of his jeans and pulled off a shot that sent Janet sprawling. He walked to where she lay and felt his heart break. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. She was supposed to love him but now it was over. He kicked her in the ribs to make sure she was dead but it wasn’t necessary. The bullet had entered her forehead and left a small puddle of her blood and brains on the leaf covered ground. Janet’s mouth was locked in a scream, her eyes now glazed over were still wide with fear. He fingered the hole in her head and wiped the brain matter on his jeans. Even in death she still looked like an angel. He picked her up and carried her into the cabin and laid her on the bed.
“We could have been so happy together.” He whispered softly. His hands massaged her breasts, his cock stiffened at the feel of her naked flesh. He lay next to her for a few minutes and stood up to undress. His penis was rigid and felt close to bursting. He wanted her more than ever and as he entered her he imagined her smooth voice telling him that she loved him, that she would always love him. He screamed as he climaxed and felt an overwhelming sadness. She was gone and now he was all alone again.
He shook himself from the memory like a swimmer emerging from a murky pool. It would be different this time. It had to be. Rebecca was going to save him because she was different. He had been watching her from the moment she had eaten lunch with him. He had followed her home and watched her through her blinds that were always open just enough so he could watch her eat dinner and even undress. William knew all about the boyfriend and knew that he was only around until he, William confessed his feelings for her. He just needed the right moment to confess all. He would tell her about the other women that he had brought here, he wouldn’t admit that he had made love to them after they were dead of course. That would frighten her and maybe even change the way she felt and he couldn’t do that. He needed her to see that it was all for her.
Tonight had been a busy night for both of them He smiled as he remembered going to Rebecca’s house and knocking on the door. He knew that she had gone to the gym so all he had to do was go to her house and wait for her. The problem was that the boyfriend was already there waiting for her.
“You know Rebecca and I are lovers right?” William didn’t even bother giving his name or even why he was there. Pretty soon it wouldn’t matter anyway. This scrawny fuck was just an obstacle and he needed to be removed.
The scrawny guy smiled and began to swing the door shut. William put his foot out to stop it. “Look pal I don’t know who you are but you’re lying. You need to get to get off this porch before I call the police”
William waited until he turned around and then he brought out the knife. It felt bulky in his hand and he preferred the gun but he knew that if he fired it in this neighborhood someone would call the police and that was the last thing he needed. He had come too far to be stopped now. He stabbed blindly and felt the knife connect. Scrawny made a move to run back into the house but William was quicker and blindly stabbed until the man grew still. Blood pooled onto the light gray tile forming tiny pools the color of dirty ketchup. William needed to get rid of the body and figured the basement was the logical choice. He dragged him to the top of the stairs and then gave the lifeless body a strong kick. William giggled as the body thumped down the stairs and stared at the awkward position the man had landed. William grabbed a towel out of the kitchen to clean up the mess Scrawny had made. Wouldn’t want Rebecca to find a mess when she got home, he thought, while humming Little Bunny Foo Foo.
He waited for Rebecca to come home and knew that she would be delighted to see him. He hid in an upstairs closet and listened for her arrival. He knew that her gym nights were sacred and the other nights he had followed her she hardly ever stopped anywhere else and usually came straight home. This night was no different. He remained hidden while she showered and flipped through a thousand television channels before finally falling asleep. The silence was soothing and gave him some time to prepare but was there anything that needed to be said? She had wanted this and as he walked toward the bed he could see her naked silhouette bathed in the moonlight. He stood there mesmerized by her beauty, haunted by a million words that raced through his mind. In the end there were no words that he could say that seemed good enough so he just took her.
The surprise in her voice was wonderful to hear and it pained him to put her in the trunk but her screams of delight were too much too take. Once he got her to the cabin there would be plenty of time to explain everything. William had made sure that everything was set up for her. The bedroom was a sea of candles that bathed the room in sinister shadows. There were clothes in the dresser just in case she needed them and there was plenty of food in the kitchen. Nothing was left to chance and every detail thought out with care. Her happiness meant everything to him. Her love would save his bastard soul. The loneliness was temporarily forgotten as he stood there watching her. He felt whole and complete. Janet had been a mistake but this time he knew that Rebecca was the one that he loved.
He had been infatuated with Janet and maybe even a little obsessed but as he watched Rebecca and remembered their conversations there was a bit of flirtation there. She had laughed at his stupid jokes and she had talked about her past and ex-boyfriends Not once had she mentioned the scrawny guy who had answered her door. He was a non issue anyway and for all William knew he was still sprawled out at the bottom of Rebecca’s basement stairs. There was something between them, something unspoken. Now there was nothing to keep them apart.
He walked out of the room and slipped into bed. He was exhausted and his brain was full of twisted thoughts. He wanted to curl up next to Rebecca but he knew that he wouldn’t sleep. He would spend the night watching her sleep, he would explore her body with his tongue. He was too tired too attempt anything else. There would be plenty of time for them to be together. William climbed into bed and the exhaustion washed over him in a tidal wave. There was a soothing blackness that he fell into and he welcomed it. He had never felt so tired. It made his bones ache, clouded his mind in a light fog that made it impossible to focus on anything but sleep.
Janet came to him in his dream. She was bathed in a radiant light that hurt his eyes. They were outside of the cabin bathed in shimmering moonlight. The wind in the trees sounded like bones rattling in a coffee cup. His heart yearned for her and when he tried to touch her she moved away from him as if she were repulsed by him.
Janet moved to the left to reveal a pile of broken and twisted bodies in varying states of decay. There were ten mangled bodies, some were maggot infested while others were hacked into bloody chunks. He knew all of these women, he had killed them all but he knew that he could be redeemed, He needed desperately to be redeemed.
“You’re wrong.” He said. He wanted to hit her, he wanted to wipe the smile right off her smirking face.
“No one can save you. The damned are born damned and the lost always remain lost. Your soul can never be saved.”
He awoke the next morning with those words echoing inside his brain. He avoided checking on Rebecca by focusing on breakfast and fresh coffee. He knew that she was a caffeine junkie and always carried a cup from Starbucks into work every morning. That was another problem that had arisen. They were both missing from work and soon someone would put two and two together. If they checked either of their phone records they would see that they occasionally talked but the most damning evidence was back at Rebecca’s apartment. He hadn’t wiped any of his finger prints off the things he had touched. It was a stupid mistake but there was nothing he could do about it. What’s done is done, he thought as he plated scrambled eggs and bacon. He wasn’t hungry at all but he knew that Rebecca was probably starving. He had watched her eat dinner with Scrawny around six that evening and as he looked at the clock above the sink he was surprised to see that it was only ten minutes after eight.
The dream kept coming back to him and the words that Janet spoke to him haunted him. His soul couldn’t be saved? Wasn’t the basis of all religions based on the redemption of the soul? The soul was the essence of who a person was so was it truly possible that his soul was damned at birth? It didn’t make sense to William and it bothered him a great deal. He needed redemption, he needed to find someone who could make him whole and the more he talked to Rebecca the more he began to see that it was her. Yes, there had been other women but they were merely a test to see if they were worthy of saving him and in the end they weren’t. Each one failed in some way or another. It seemed to make sense that he had been wrong and his true savior had been Rebecca after all.
It was just a dream. He could analyze it all he wanted but it didn’t really matter. He had dreams all the time and they never meant a damn thing. They were just movies that the mind conjured up to keep it occupied while the body lay idle. The entire situation was stressful, anyone would be having crazy fucked up dreams. They weren’t an omen or any kind of statement. He tried to shove it aside as he placed the plates of food and coffee on a silver tray and walked toward his old bedroom.
“Good morning beautiful. I brought you something to eat.” He placed the tray on the night stand and pulled up a chair in front of her.
“Why are you doing this? Where’s Robert?” She didn’t acknowledge the food at all. Just glared at him. The fear is no longer there and William breathes a sigh of relief.
“Soon. Eat first. You’ll need your strength.”
“Fuck you. What happened to Robert?”
William smiled and eyed the shackles that dangled from the headboard. He should punish her but the questions were only natural even if they didn’t make sense. Why was she asking about Scrawny? It was William she loved, not him. It had to be the shock. Everything was happening so fast it made sense that she was confused.
“Eat and then you can take a shower and I’ll answer anything you want. Don’t make this difficult Rebecca.”
“You made this difficult you sick bastard. I want to know where Robert…” William’s fist connected solidly with her right eye. Her head smacked into the head board with a loud thud. He was on her within moments securing the shackles and putting the gag back in her mouth. He grabbed the tray and left her there crying and moaning. Fuck her, let her starve he thought munching on the now cold breakfast. She’ll come around and he would wait.
He wanted to be patient with her but he wasn’t a patient man. Never had been. He had just assumed that everything would fall into place and it frustrated him that she was acting so ungrateful. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. He thought of her as a wild mare that needed breaking in. Instead of kindness and gentle prompting he would use violence and if necessary he would leave her alone to deal with her shock. He had peeked in on her and was even tempted to run in and loosen her shackles but in the end he couldn’t. The shackles allowed her to move her arms so she wasn’t in any real danger and the gag was there to keep her from begging him to free her. If he had heard her cry out he would have weakened and freed her. He needed to be strong and not cave in.
William glanced at the clock for the millionth time. It was four in the afternoon and he had last seen her that morning with breakfast. Sometime during the day she had defecated in the bed and he was glad that he had put down the plastic under the sheets. The smell was horrible, but maybe she would be more agreeable. Rebecca would now see just how firm he could be.
“Would you like to take a shower? It smells horrible in here and I’m sure you would like to clean up.” He unloosened the straps and kissed her lightly on the forehead.
“If I refuse or ask questions are you going to leave me again?” Her voice was scratchy from lack of water. Her hair stood out in wild streaks and the shit smell seemed to come from everywhere.
“Maybe. You can be difficult and lay in your own filth or you can shower and have a decent meal with me in the kitchen and I promise to answer any questions you have.”
Rebecca stood up, her legs buckled beneath her as if she wasn’t a woman at all but a baby deer learning to walk for the first time. He guided her into the bathroom. Her clothes were folded on the sink. All of her makeup and toiletries were lined up neatly in the medicine cabinet. He had packed everything she had needed but was afraid he had forgotten something. If she was pleased she didn’t show it. Her eyes were wide and took in her surroundings. She ignored him as she turned on the water. The passive look never left her face even as she disrobed. “Are you going to stand here the whole time?” She asked.
“Not unless you want me to. Everything you need here is here. I’ll be in the kitchen.” She didn’t seem to be surprised by his casualness either. He didn’t trust her but there was only one way out and if he were in the kitchen there was no way she could try and escape. He kept telling himself that she didn’t want to leave and that she was happy. He kept thinking about Janet and how his soul was somehow unworthy of being saved. He sat there for several minutes sipping coffee so absorbed in his own thoughts that he didn’t hear her enter the kitchen.
“So are you going to tell me what happened to Robert or do want me to guess?” She was wearing his ratty blue bathrobe. Her hair was damp and hung around her shoulders. She was even more breath taking than she had been this morning.
“Exactly what you wanted me to do. I arrived and he attacked me. The police were quite shocked to discover his body at the bottom of the stairs but with the police reports and the restraining order you had filed it was easy to convince them that he had broken in and attacked me. I didn’t hurt you did I?”
She sat in his lap and gave a him a quick kiss on the cheek. “No but I won’t be asking you to do that again. I thought I was going to die in that room.”
“You have no idea how scared I was but just promise we won’t do that again.” He replied with a worried frown.
“You turn’s coming up next pal so you better be ready. Maybe if you’re lucky I’ll even rape you.” She snuggled against his cheek and William felt as if his heart would beat out of his chest. Janet was wrong. His soul was worth saving and his savior was right here in his arms. There was nothing else that he needed.