Personal Space

Hi, 2nd blog in two days and I thought about this while I was at work. An entire blog just popped into my head. That’s the beautiful thing about being a writer. There are always ideas filtering  through. Some suck while others don’t. I even stopped writing this long enough to take a piss.

I did wash my hands just in case you were wondering. Nothing worse than someone pissing and not washing their hands.  I headed straight to a stall so I could piss in peace without someone wanting to start a conversation. This is all about boundaries and how some of you fuckers have absolutely none. Nothing worse than someone pissing and not washing their hands. You know that asshole is going to want to shake hands at some point during the day.

This is about personal bubbles and the need to respect them. Why is personal space such a non issue with people? This entire blog stems from a Facebook post about my experience at the bank. A crowd of people and I’m on my phone and some lady wants to talk to me. I still don’t know the protocols of politely telling someone to piss off.

When I say I hate people it’s shocking because as an author I picked the wrong profession didn’t I? I should clarify a little and just say that I hate talking to people. I’m a private person and find that talking to complete strangers isn’t high on my list of shit to do on any given day. If I look friendly I apologize. I’ll try and fix that immediately. Is it my face that makes it appear as if I’m dying to hear your life story?

I have had about an hour to think about this due to me writing it at work. Don’t worry I wasn’t loafing or searching for porn. I have a job that allows me to have free moments to collect my thoughts and ponder the fate of the universe. That’s a full of shit statement. I actually wonder why parents can’t keep their damn kids quiet and why the kids feel this insatiable need to let everyone around them know that they’re in the same general area. Not everyone finds your kids cute and charming. Some of us find them fucking annoying.

Here’s my thing. I have a personal bubble. When I’m out doing my thing I don’t want to talk to anyone. If you drop your keys or something then we can converse but unless I initiate some kind of verbal cue then stay the hell away from me! Just because you’re a chatty person doesn’t mean we all are. Some of us don’t like talking to strangers. We grew up with stranger danger and that shit always sticks with us. We have thoughts of our own to deal with. Stuff like; I really gotta shit, I hope this line moves soon, or if this asshole doesn’t shut up I’m going to pull his lips over his head.

What also bothers me are the huggers and the touchers. I think I may have spoken about this in other blogs but nothing creeps me out more than when people touch me or want to hug me. I’m not afraid of germs I just don’t like being touched.When strangers do it I lose my shit. It’s gross and unnecessary. I don’t know where your hands have been so refrain from putting them anywhere near me. We all learned about personal space right? Why is it so hard to respect that shit? If you don’t know someone why the fuck are you touching them? Are you that starved for attention that you have to touch strangers??

If I know you then by all means touch away unless you’re grabbing my cash and prizes. That’s where I draw the line. I explained this to Mindy and it came out wrong. I’m cool with her touching me, but if I didn’t know her it would be totally different. I’ve decided that if and when I do book signings it’s going to be extremely hard for me to stay calm and not freak out when people want to shake hands or touch me. I may have to have a Purell station close by just to be safe. I’ll refrain from cringing on the outside but inside I will be screaming. As far back as I can remember I’ve always been like this. I’ve gotten over a few of my anxiety issues but I’m sure I still have some left and you aren’t helping me.

I don’t mean to sound like an asshole but I like my personal bubble. I hate when it’s raped by thoughtless people that want to talk about their cat or how long they’ve been waiting in line. Doesn’t concern me because in about two seconds I won’t even remember who you are or that your cat gets raging boners when you touch his chin. Mindless conversations irritate me because I don’t know what to say to you. What is it that you want? Are you lonely or just want to feel as if you’ve made some sort of connection with a random dude at the bank? Are we supposed to exchange numbers and maybe meet up later for coffee?

I’m a really nice guy when you get to know me but I don’t want to know everyone I come in contact with. It’s exhausting. I don’t have that kind of time and you shouldn’t either damn it. It makes me feel like a  slacker that I haven’t talked to my 100th stranger of the day. Just sit in your seat or stand in line and shut the fuck up. It’s really not that difficult.





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