This morning I woke up with this crushing weight of uncertainty. I crawled out of bed and groaned because it dawned on me that today was the day. This day would change the face of our country. Election day in America is where we pick out American Idol and usually feel good about our choice. That’s how it usually works anyway. Not this election, and certainly not these candidates. How did we get here? This is the best that American politics has to offer? I don’t care how the system works, and I certainly don’t pretend to know how it works either. All I know is that there’s something wrong with the system and we’re slowly spinning out of control. This has been an election fueled by hatred and we cheer and applaud every time it filters through our televisions and computers. I get it, this is an important election but it doesn’t mean I have to feel good about my choices. I wonder how many people feel the same way I do?
I didn’t want to vote, but I did. I didn’t want to pussy out just because I didn’t like my options. What options right? In this election you couldn’t go with the lesser of the two evils because they’re both pretty evil in their own ways. We’re on the verge of self destruction and there’s nothing we can do but hope for the best and feel good about our decision. Outside of the polling place it was pissing rain as if the sky was crying for us. I felt a hole in the pit of my stomach as I walked toward those doors. I have always voted with confidence and studied each candidate and cast my vote for the one I believe will do the most good. This time I had no idea who these people were, or even what they stood for. I saw some of the debates and that’s why voting would be so difficult for me. When I began to study them and saw what they stood for there were both good and bad in each but then I saw a candidate act so immaturely I couldn’t imagine this person running our country. On the other side was a possible criminal that seemed out of touch with the people she wanted to lead.
Everyone looked confused and sad. We were all sharing the same. Dirty secret. We voted but for what? What do the next four years hold for us? Where are we headed? I voted out of obligation not because I felt strongly about one candidate over another. I have voted without fail every election and this is the only time I voted and felt dirty. I kept thinking; Did I make the right choice? I don’t think I’ll ever know. I did the walk of shame as I left the polling place and refused to make eye contact with anyone for fear that I would see the same helplessness reflected back into my own eyes. I honestly felt as if I just had sex with a crack whore. There was no voter confidence as I left just shame and indifference. Didn’t matter who won or lost because in the end we’re all losers. Some just didn’t know it yet. It’s gonna be a long four years and one long night. We watch our television in a state of awe as the polls come in. I am just sick with dread as the results come in and the experts are all admitting that the projections were all wrong. There are variables that no one ever expected. What does that say about us as a country? What kind of wake up call does this represent to not just us but those around the world that are watching the insanity spread across all fifty states. I don’t want to watch anymore, but I can’t stop. This is a time where people want change and they’re willing to sell out their morals and beliefs to get it.
Here’s the thing we all have to understand. This entire election was a mistake and we have to own it. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow but at some point there’s going to be a reckoning day. I also want to make it clear that I support neither of these candidates and feel that we could have done so much better. There were other options, but we failed to see them. We look at the map and things are looking grim. We are heading toward a dark time people, and no one batted an eye or tried to see logic or reason. All I know is that I need a shower. After voting I felt ashamed for my country and I felt ashamed that I allowed myself to vote for someone that I didn’t like, but I had no other choice. Maybe in a few years I’ll look back and see that what I did was the right thing. In a few days maybe I can say I did what was expected of me and that’s the best I could do. For now I’m going to just breath and hope for a miracle, but in this race there is no miracle. Just a hope that things don’t slide too far out of control.