Revisiting A Shitty Album

I love the band Queen because in a world where bands stick with one sound, and one genre of music Queen never did that. While they may not be in my top ten of greatest bands of all time I will admit that they are pretty damn awesome. Freddie. That voice, and then there’s the rest of the band. Every record was always interesting because they sounded so good together. Every record tried something new and usually it worked. As shitty as Another One Bites The Dust is you can’t really hate it because it’s a perfect pop song. Queen wrote a perfect pop song and you know you want to hate it, but you’re too busy shaking your ass to it. It took  me a long time to respect the band because of who they were. They were fucking Queen. They couldn’t be called anything other than Queen. They were metal, they were pop. It was always something different and that was the appeal. and what made them so damn successful. That was what I realized much later when I could appreciate everything the band had to offer.

In my teens I wasn’t a huge fan because they bored me. I didn’t really appreciate them until I was in my late twenties. The first record I really actually fell in love with was The Miracle. That was the moment where it all clicked and the brilliance of what Queen was and is, fell into place.  It has those shitty pop moments, but it’s lyrically brilliant. That was moment I realized that I had missed out on what other people already knew about Queen.

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The one album that I haven’t listened is Hot Space. There’s a reason for this. It’s been thirty-one years since I’ve heard it in its entirety. I truly believe we all have that one album that makes us puke a little in our mouth every time we think about it. I have two. Kiss’ Music From The Elder, and Queen’s Hot Space. I used to get a lot of my records from the bargain bin (still do) because there would be times that you would find a true gem among the other pieces of shit that nobody else wanted. It’s where I found The Firm’s debut album (come to think about it I got the second album there as well and on the same day) and many others. You could buy four or five albums for around five bucks which was a pretty good deal for kids that were looking for good music. There were stacks upon stacks of albums in there. You just had to dig a little.

As a fan of metal imagine my delight when I found Hot Space. It was a Queen album and it was in the bargain bin. It had to be a mistake right? This was fucking Queen! As soon as I dropped the needle I was mortified. I knew enough about the band to realize that something was wrong. Who were these impostors? I removed the needle and checked the album to make sure no one fucked up and sure enough it was Queen but what the fuck happened to them? It was Hot Space that turned me off of Queen. I had News Of The World and that was only because a friend of mine hated it so he gave it to me. I loved that record, but Hot Space was fucking clown shoes. I listened to it and then took it off my turntable and carved Kiss into its shitty grooves and put it back in its shitty looking sleeve.

Even the album cover sucks. You only hear about this record because of Under Pressure and that’s not even a good song. It sucks worse than a hooker loose in a trailer park and she has an overbite. Nothing about this album was good. It was one of those experiments that bands have and it seems great on paper, but then you get the finished product and it’s a steaming pile of dog shit. Even the band hates this record and it’s the one album that real Queen fans don’t acknowledge because it’s the one blemish on a stellar career. Wait, we can lump the Flash Gordon soundtrack in with Hot Space can’t we? I swore that I would never listen to this shitnado again, but I lied. My girlfriend swears this album isn’t as bad as I remember so I’m going to listen to it one more time. Fuck, just the thought of it made me throw up in my mouth a little.

Staying Power has fucking horns which isn’t bad, but the lyrics are terrible and where are Roger Taylor’s drums?? This just a terrible album opener that shows a band trying to move in a new direction but seem confused. I like Dancer. It’s still got those shitty drum machines but it has a bit of swagger to it. This should have opened the record. It sounds like Queen while sounding different if that makes any sense. You can tell that this is Queen and if the rest of the record sounded like this I wouldn’t be puking after this song ends. I can see myself booty dancing to this.

So far, this isn’t as bad I remember. There are elements that still feel like Queen. Oh shit, it’s Back Chat. This is just an awful song and reminds me of why I hate this album so much. I hate shitty pop/nu wave and this is what Queen was trying to emulate. The lyrics are vapid and where the fuck is Roger Taylor? Who brought in a goddamned drum machine? I’m starting to agree with the band on this one. Body Language. Fuck. What the hell? This was the best they could write? This is actually beats Staying Power for worse song on the record and we’re only four songs in? Skip this one.

Now that I’ve escaped the shit that was Body Language I hit Action This Day. I like this. It has that Nu Wave vibe and the shitty drum machine, but it still sounds like Queen. It’s pretty bad lyrically but if you’re listening to this record you know that it could be worse. I could see this on another Queen album and it would fit. Maybe Works, or Innuendo. I like two out of four songs. I think my overall opinion of thirty one years ago isn’t going to change much but goddamn Put Out The Fire gives me hope. This is classic Queen! There’s hope right??

Life Is Real ( A Song For John Lennon) is yet another one you can skip. They really scraped the bottom of the barrel in terms of lyrics. I threw up a little just trying to get through this. Calling all Girls. Fuck I can’t even begin to describe the train wreck that this song is. It’s simple. which is fine, but only the chorus is any good and that’s saying a lot. The rest of the song is just as bad as everything else on this album. This can’t be Queen. Sadly it is and they’re on autopilot. The Words Of Love sounds like Save Me but not as good. Close to being good, but it just feels like the band are finally realizing just how badly they fucked up. The Words Of Love is a pretty decent by the numbers Queen ballad that has a whole band again.

That’s been the problem with this album. They took everything great about Queen and replaced it with synths, and drum machines. Queen isn’t a mindless pop band and when you listen to Freddie’s falsetto on Cool Cat you begin to see just how bad this experiment was. When you try and dumb yourself down to try and reinvent yourself you better make sure you can pull it off. It’s a song that just doesn’t make a Queen fan happy. There’s nothing here that’s memorable at all. Under Pressure is the most well known song on the album and its death knell. It’s a terrible song that once again misses the mark because it’s Queen trying to sound like Queen, but the album is so bad you’re too exhausted to care. Is it heavy? Yep, is it a cool Queen anthem? To some it’s like the second coming of Christ. Problem is that it’s just mediocre at best. There are better songs and there are far better records.

I struggled through it and skipped half because it’s just as unremarkable as I remember. No matter how you approach it or remaster it, it still sounds dated. It sounds like a band that has run out of ideas so they chased a few trends and come up with an uneven album that fails on a variety of fronts. No one member can be blamed for this. They all had to agree on the material but if you look at the interviews from this record they knew they fucked up, and there was no going back. They had to sell the fucking thing, but how? You couldn’t. It’s a moment that no one thought could happen. Queen wasn’t supposed to suck, but suddenly they did. Hot Mess,  I mean Hot Space is proof that no one is perfect. Not even Queen. Now do I really want to listen to its follow up The Works? I can barely remember it so maybe that’s a sign. Shit, where’s my vinyl collection. Let me put on the debut record and try and forget I listened to this.

 

 

 

 

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Cheap promotion and Barry Manilow

Hi, did you know that I have a book out? I do. It’s called The Darkness Of The Soul and you can buy the digital or the dead tree version. MICHAELS NOES COVER(2).jpg

Pretty cool isn’t it? If you’ve read Legacy I can assure you that this one is different. I know every writer says that but I mean it. I knew that people were expecting a gore fest this time around, but I wanted to challenge myself a little so this is actually a book. Close to 400 pages. I wrote big. If you want to check it out I have a link right here

amazon.com/…book/dp/B01F0H0VR4/ref=sr_1_2. I’m also looking for reviews so if you read it and liked it write a small review. If you liked it and hated it send me your address and I’ll come over to your house and kick the shit out of you. I’m only kidding about the last part.  Also if you want to check out my author page on Facebook I have that link too.facebook.com/michaelnoeslegacy. I do try and update it  often as I can.
      I know a lot of people may be a little concerned about my Barry Manilow issue but I assure you  everything’s fine. Barry-Manilow.jpg
As a horror writer I need something relaxing so I throw on some Barry and chill the fuck out. To me no one is cooler than Bob Fuckin’ Saget and Barry Fuckin’ Manilow. If Legacy were every made into a film I would request that Daybreak be played during the opening credits. If you read Legacy you should let Daybreak play in the background. It’s fucking awesome.  I hear that song and think about the most violent death scenes. It would be the perfect theme song for a killer.
     Mandy fucking rules. I hear that and  write some great horror. What cracks me up is that people have this idea that I listen to some really hardcore music when I write, but odds are it’s Barry and the sad part is that Mindy makes me put in my head phones in when I listen to him. Manilow Monday makes me happy because I hate Mondays but it’s less suckish with Barry.
      I’m writing this now and singing along to Could It Be Magic. I want that somewhere on the Legacy soundtrack too. You know who else doesn’t get any respect? Neil Fuckin’ Diamond. Holy shit! Awesome songwriter. How can you hate Cracklin’ Rosie? I hear I Am I Said and that’s my goddamn anthem! I know what you’re thinking; I’m a horror writer who happens to have lost his fucking mind but I haven’t. If I did how would I know?
      I know that people feel really bad for Mindy. She has to deal with me all the time. Taco Tuesday, Manilow Monday. I thank God that she loves me. I would love to play her It’s a Miracle but she has banned Barry from the fucking house! It’s a travesty I tell you but I still love her and thank God that she loves me too. It’s A Miracle could be our goddamned song! By Baby Loves Me also makes me think of Mindy but she won’t ever get to hear it. When I watched Fuller House she was nowhere to be found. You see I’m not your typical horror writer. People are now looking at me in a whole new light. Pretty scary isn’t it? Is my cool factor gone yet? It’s okay cos it’s daybreak if you wanna believe it can be daybreak ain’t no time to breathe. Thanks for reading and don’t forget check out my new book available now at Amazon.

Confessions Of A Hair Metal Addict

If Legacy or any of my books got turned into a movie I would request that the soundtrack consist of hair metal. I think horror and hair metal would go great together and if the movie was a hit I could be responsible for it’s return! I have been waiting for hair metal to make a comeback and it just hasn’t done it yet. It will though. I want to led a scruffy band of soldiers carrying kegs of beer and while being followed by chicks in leather mini skirts. For those who don’t know what I’m babbling about here’s the definition of hair metal; Glam metal (also known as hair metal, sleaze metal and often used synonymously with pop metal) is a subgenre of hard rock and heavymetal. It combines elements of those genres with punk rock and pop music, adding catchy hooks and guitar riffs, while borrowing from the fashion of 1970s glam rock.

I miss the sleaze! Am I the only one that still listens to Ratt and Winger?? While I write this I’m listening to Firehouse’s Hold Your Fire which isn’t as good as the debut record, but still it had some chops. firehouse.jpg

I can tell you exactly where I was the first time I saw Tawny Kitaen dancing on the hood of that car. The chick on the cover of Ratt’s Invasion Of Your Privacy video was hot as fuck. As a kid growing up during that era I was fortunate to see some sleazy chicks and I  I loved it!!!!

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I think most of all this was a form of music that had no real rules. The lyrics were juvenile and for a kid like me I just wanted something that I could listen to and just be goofy. Hair metal was exactly what I needed and even as an adult I can play a certain album and it takes me back to those long ass summer vacations. I would blow my allowance on books and music. It reminds me of a time when everything was possible and yes, it reminds me of those chicks. The ones being squirted with fire hoses and wearing short leather mini skirts and heels. Women like that didn’t exist in my neighborhood!  I did find out that those women didn’t really exist and most women found hair metal sexist but who the fuck cared about those stuck up bitches!

I may be getting older but hair metal reminds me of a time when I didn’t have all the answers. While I do listen to newer music from time to time it just doesn’t have the same energy that hair metal did. There’s also a personal connection to it. I can relate to hair metal because I remember feeling that no one listened to me and all I wanted to do was have a good time. I like a song that is full of sexual innuendos. I can’t relate to newer music because it lacks any originality and for the most part it’s all whiny bullshit. I want songs about sex and partying. I want a piece of cherry pie, and I wanna rock. Can we bring back the sleaze? Can we bring back the chicks getting squirted with fire hoses??

If I had to recommend some hair metal I would tell you to start with some classics. Mötley’s Shout At The Devil, Ratt’s first four albums. Cellar, Invasion, and Undercover, and yes, even the E.P.. I would also tell you to listen to L.A. Guns’ debut album along with Hurricane’s Over The Edge. Those are the albums I listen to a lot and as for bands you can’t go wrong with Twisted Sister, or Hericane Alice. I think Kix’s Blow My Fuse and Hot Wire were brilliant. The music from that era has a timelessness to it and some may not have aged well but some did, and you can roll your eyes at me when I listen to Wildside or XYZ, and that’s okay. I am immersed in a time when I was young and the world was a wide mysterious place full of possibilities. There were also scantily clad women wearing leather skirts and heels. That’s not a bad thing.  1058514-lita_ford.jpg

It’s going to make a comeback and I can smile and say I told you so. Will it be as awesome as the first wave? All I know is that I’ll be able to say I told you so. I love being right. You can deny it all you want but I’m telling you. There will be a hair metal resurgence. It’ll be interesting to see how well it does in this ultra P.C. conform or die era, but I think there’s always room for a little sleaze.

 

 

The End?

I have to be honest and admit that when I decided to stop writing I didn’t think anyone would care, or even notice. The idea that I have fans is actually funny to me because I never hang out and think about shit like that. I know what you’re thinking; “You released a book, your stories are in anthologies! You have an author page on not just Amazon, but Facebook. You didn’t think that people would like your stuff?” No? I mean, sure, there was a part of me that knew that I’d have a fan base but in reality I just figured it’d be a couple of dudes and maybe a chick or two.

I know that it’s hard to believe that it never occurred to me that I would have fans. Never did. It’s cool, but I just don’t think about that aspect of it. It’s kind of like a nerd who hangs out in his basement playing World Of Warcraft. He knows that boobs exist, but he never imagines that he’s ever going to actually touch them. Then he does! I’m like that guy except I’m a writer, and the boobs are actually fans. I see guys like Richard Laymon and Clive Barker and they have fans. They should, but I’m just an indie guy who listens to hair metal and writes some good shit occasionally.

What you don’t get is that I second guess myself a lot. Way more than I should. I am always afraid that my stuff isn’t good enough. People seem to like my stuff and that’s cool, but I just never imagined the scope of it. I’m just a guy in Ohio writing while listening to bands like Kiss, and Pretty Boy Floyd. I don’t look far enough out to see how far this ball I’ve thrown has actually gone. Maybe I should chase it just to see where it’s ended up. I don’t want to be consumed by the business side of it. The minute I become fanatical about reviews and sales it’s time to step a back and reevaluate why I came to the dance.

The thing was that when I decided that I needed to stop writing it never occurred to me that people would react so strongly. That surprised me. It suddenly dawned on me that I had not only kicked open the door, but I waltzed into the party carrying a cup of coffee and looking for the DJ so we can hear some old school hair metal. I can’t thank those people enough for making me realize that I had actually set out to do what I had dreamed about and even picked up a few fans and supporters along the way. All I knew was that I beat the odds and got myself published. That was all my brain focused on.

Quitting writing is a lot harder than I thought it would be. My brain just won’t take the hint. That’s not a bad thing at all. Once I fired up the creative part of my brain it just refused to shut  down. When people sent me words of encouragement it hit me that I can’t just walk away. If  I did I was not only letting them down, but I was letting myself down. On top of that my amazing girlfriend thinks that I’ll go insane and drag her with me. She may be right.  I can’t thank everyone enough for checking in with me and sending me support. It means a lot and I wish I could be like one of those politicians who go around kissing babies and shaking everyone’s hand.

It means that my decision really mattered to people. People I have never met. Instead of quitting I brought up my Winamp player and fired up some gnarly metal and wrote a werewolf story. I think it’s shit but until Mindy reads it it ain’t going anywhere near a publisher. I write to keep the darkness at bay. All those nasty thoughts come out when I write. I am a much happier little boy when I’m writing so the question is do I stop the merry-go-round and go home? Wait, that is one of my all time favorite Mötley Crüe songs. The point is do I want to walk away from the fun that I have writing?

All of those words of encouragement made me realize that I’m on to something. I’m like Kiss after they released Creatures Of The Night. Totally focused on kicking your face in with tasty riffs and glowing fucking eyes. I’m like Ratt when they released Invasion Of Your Privacy. You knew they were a good band but suddenly they pulled out this insane record and you were like; “Dude! When did Ratt become awesome?” I need to release my own version of Invasion goddamnit! Ratt

I’m close, and if I quit now? That’ll never happen. I need to keep going. I need to write. I may not become rich doing this but did that ever stop anyone from doing what they enjoyed? Fuck no it didn’t. I’m having conversations with the dog and answering! Mindy’s afraid I’m going to go all Berkowitz and shit. I love her and damn it I love writing so am I going to quit? I have a goal damn it. When I achieve what I feel is my Invasion Of Your Privacy then we’ll talk about my end game.

 

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Metal Up Your Nose!

Anyone knows me or follows me on Facebook knows that metal and horror are two of my favorite subjects. I wanted to do a listing of some of my favorite metal albums but shit, that’s such a hard thing to write about and everyone has their own opinion on the greatest albums ever, but I have always wanted to throw out some of my favorite metal albums just to see if it would shock people. Let’s face it people know that I’m a huge hair metal fan, but what they may not know is that I love heavy metal. Fucking love it! As a fan of horror metal just kind of fit right in. Other kids would be out playing sports and I would be in my room either reading or banging my head. I hated sports and still do so anyway here are a few of my favorite metal albums. Also there really is no order here but people appreciate numbers for some reason. How about we do a nice fat ten?

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1. Miss Crazy II – This came out in 2008, but sounds like it could have come it at the height of hair metal, but it’s far heavier. Led by Marcus Allen Christopher this is a band that should be huge. Just from the opening of Mow you can’t help but bang your head, and those vocals! This is one of those albums you listen to and then you’re mouth drops open. 

2 & 3 Iron Maiden – Number Of The Beast & Piece Of Mind. When people ask what a perfect metal album is you can play them these. This is what perfection is. The band was finally moving into their own here and the Bruce era was just beginning and while Beast was the building blocks, Mind was where the band finally knew where they wanted to go. This is a band that compliments each other well. Everything works together and that’s what makes these albums so damn good.

4. Steeler is an interesting band because they really only had one album, but holy shit what an album and what a lineup! Ron Keel on vocals, Gregg Chaison on bass, Bobby Marks on drums, and Ynwie Malmsteen on guiter. The sound of the record isn’t all that great but it’s worth a listen because it’s a ground breaking record in terms of what hair metal would soon become.

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5 & 6  I have to be honest and admit that I was never a huge fan of Black Sabbath when Ozzy sang. I just didn’t see the appeal until I heard Heaven And Hell and it was like the sky opened and God himself said: “Do you hear that?” The first song I ever heard was falling Off the Edge Of The World off of Mob Rules, but then I heard Children Of The Sea and my brain melted. What Sabbath lacked all along was a vocalist that complimented the rest of the band. Heaven And Hell showed that Black Sabbath were far more than plodding doom metal. Heaven And Hell should have been the death of Sabbath but instead it was a rebirth. This was a band that branched out and took a few risks and they paid off extremely well. Then Ronnie was gone and it ripped a hole in the space time continuum. Then I heard Born Again and all was right in the universe. Ian Gillan was the vocalist for Deep Purple and while they still had the same plodding doomy riffs there was a bit of heaviness lacking on Heaven and even Mob Rules. It was as if the band were trying to totally bury their past and move into a heavier direction. With these two albums we knew that without Ozzy the band was far better. We all knew that as a vocalist he was lacking in a lot of important areas. The band was stuck and now with Dio and Gillan they were free to explore and these two albums are proof of that

7. Warlock has always been a favorite band. Doro Pesch may not be the perfect vocalist but their album Triumph And Agony was the perfect album and found the band at their creative peak. The anthemic All We Are pummels you and it just doesn’t stop. This is one of those perfect metal albums that every band strives for. Some never get a chance to create it, but Warlock’s fourth album finally got them the attention they had always deserved.

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8. ….And Justice For All was the last decent Metallica album and for as many issues as it has it will always be the album that allowed Metallica to move forward. I have always felt that this was their heaviest and darkest record, Master may have been their most popular album, but this was their chance to prove that they could move beyond that and create something better. This was a band on the verge of greatness. We all knew that they were great musicians and Justice to me proved that. You have a band that has finally matured and Justice just punished the listener with its heaviness.

9. Persistence Of Time will always be my favorite Anthrax record. Among The Living proved that Anthrax could build on the foundation that Metallica and Slayer had built and created something unique. Persistence was the album that took everything that Anthrax was and intensified it. Angrier, and even darker. It was a mature record that proved that as a band it was possible to move in a new direction and add a few different styles to their sound and Belladonna never sounded better. It took me a few listens until I understood just how great this record is. Some dismiss it but to me this is by far their greatest record and everything that State Of Euphoria could have been if they had merely taken the time and not rushed through it.

10. Shout At The Devil was the Motley Crue album that was all about attitude and proof that a glam metal band could be heavy as fuck. Their second album is perfect and has a swagger about that the band has never been able to duplicate. You want a perfect metal album? This is it. Nikki Sixx may not be the gratest song writer in the world but for Shout it didn’t matter. These were songs that dripped with attitude and showed you that you can’t judge a book by its cover. The first time I heard this i was in awe and it’s one of those albums that stands up well no matter what decade you listen to it in.

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The Ego Deflated

I’m supposed to be editing but here I sit checking email and listening to REO Speedwagon. Have you ever tried to edit while listening to heavy metal? It’s a nightmare and I can’t concentrate. When I edit I usually look it as a chance to improve what’s already there and then my awesome girlfriend does the proper editing and will point out my glaring mistakes. She’s good at it and I trust her with whatever I’m writing. Without her my manuscripts wouldn’t be as tight as they are in my head. So I have a variety of different styles of music that I listen to while writing. Some of my most brutal scenes were written while listening to Taylor Swift and the occasional Kelly Clarkson stalker record. REO is calming and allows me to focus which for me is a difficult thing to do. This record is one of the greatest rock albums ever created.  fhi_infidel

I haven’t blogged in awhile and there’s a good reason for that. I had nothing to write about. My life is at a point where everything is going well and for some reason that upsets people. I want to be all sad and shit but I can’t because I have an awesome girlfriend and I’m a published author. There’s nothing to be sad or mopey about. I survived a brutal ass winter and TOOL has a new record out. Those are valid reasons to be happy. The problem with blogs and social media is that people want to show you just how miserable and fucked up they are. I was guilty of that for awhile, but now? Shit is working out and I have never been happier.

The only complaint I have is that I’m a published author yet in my house that shit gets me no special privileges or treatment. I’m in a book called Dynatox A-Go Go and I was all excited about when I received it in the mail. Even though my girl is proud of me I still had to cook dinner and do dishes! As a published author there should be some kind of special treatment, but here I am taking out the garbage and doing dishes. I even tried explaining that as a published author I should be excluded from certain things but all I get is the look that tells me I have truly lost my damn mind. I get that look a lot for some reason. That look is on her face quite a bit and I swear sometimes I’m developing a complex.

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As a writer I should have an ego. I should have the right to boast and declare myself the shit. It doesn’t even matter that I’m an indie writer and not many people have read my work but who cares! I’m a published writer damn it! Worship me or suffer my wrath! My girlfriend and my daughter keep my ego in check. In my house I declare that I’m the boss and my girlfriend laughs at me and my daughter informs me that Mindy’s the boss. They keep me from being an even bigger asshole than I already am and as important as I want to think I am they’re there to laugh at me and ask if dinner’s done. We all need people who keep us grounded and focused. I’m just thankful that Mindy puts up with me and my daughter has no choice. She’s stuck with me.

The thing is that I have been through a lot in the last few years and I want to toot my own horn and have a massive ego, but I can’t because there will always be someone more important than I am walking around. I’ll still be the indy guy cooking dinner and taking out the garbage. I love cooking so that’s not a big deal but dishes are beneath me. When I start getting paid for writing I’m getting a damn dish washer and a hammock, If anyone needs me I’ll be in the backyard, Wait, I don’t have any trees in my back yard. We’ll have to move then. So a house with a backyard full of fucking trees, a dishwasher, and a hammock.

This morning I was working on this blog and I had to make my daughter pancakes. I was being creative and I had to stop just so I could make pancakes, Does Stephen King have to make fucking pancakes? Don’t think so. Being creative is hard work and I have to cut that shit off to make breakfast. My daughter loves that I’m published but when she wakes up it’s time to stop writing and make breakfast. Even the dog fucks with my creative flow. I can be all involved in a manuscript and I have to stop writing so the dog can take a shit. It’s not right damn it!!

I guess you can say I’m whining and I say all of this with my tongue firmly in my cheek. I know that I am extremely lucky to be where I am. There are people who wake up just looking to be miserable and here I am singing Happy. You know that song by Pharrell Williams? I love that song and people hate it cos it’s been played so damn much, but that song makes me wanna dance and there’s nothing wrong with that.

Am I the only one not sick of Shake It Off yet? I can be writing my ass off and be stuck and I hear this and I’m good. As a horror writer I shouldn’t be listening to Shake It off or Happy and I forget that I’m even writing.

Maybe it ruins my rep as a bad ass horror writer but I think we all listen to shit that doesn’t fit in with the image people have of horror writers. What is that image anyway? I’m sure there’s some stuff that does fit in but for the most part I try to stay out of any sort of box. It makes life more interesting. Life is journey not a destination and I’m going to go back to spending time with my daughter and trying to edit my new book

Taylor Swift Is The Devil

    Somehow I lost all my readers. I have no idea where they went. I must have either become too offensive or too boring or quite possibly both. I’m brain storming and trying to figure out how to bring in more readers but I can’t post breast-feeding pics and my ass is too hairy to show people. I could take a bunch of pictures of my ass but no one wants to see that shit do they? Alyssa Milano posts breast-feeding selfies and people lose their fucking mind but when that other chick poses nude it’s like the greatest thing since sliced bread. Are breast feeding selfies really that offensive?  I get it . People don’t want to see that shit and for good reason. These are breasts with a baby attached to them. They kind of lose their hotness don’t they? You can’t show people babies attached to boobies. It’s not right and who wants to see that shit? Give me more lesbian sex on Orange Is The New Black. I want to see two hot chicks get it on man. A woman breast-feeding isn’t attractive at all and why the hell would I want to see that shit on my instagram feed. Maybe if it wasn’t Alyssa Milano then it would be okay. You take some random woman in some small town breast-feeding people won’t lose their shit or may we’ve become so fucked up as a society that everything suddenly offends us except photoshopped ass and titties. I think I need to take some more selfies. Show off my shit a little. Dance with my shirt off or breast feed some babies. 

 

Taylor Swift is now the devil which amuses me a great deal. Suddenly U2 Isn’t such a bunch of rich assholes. They gave away their album away free and people lost their shit but suddenly when Taylor Swift decides not to allow Spotify to stream her music it’s like the end of the world. When Lars Ulrich went up against Napster he was labeled a rich rock star asshole that people made fun of and now Taylor Swift is doing it and now people are calling her an asshole. What’s the big fucking deal anyway? She did create the music right? Why shouldn’t she get paid for it? That’s what people aren’t getting. She has a right to do whatever she wants with her music. The thing is that people think that just because she’s rich she should lighten the hell up but it’s her job to create music so why shouldn’t she get paid? I made fun of Lars for being an asshole but he had a point. Why should people be getting his shit for free. Taylor should be paid for allowing her music to be streamed and now people are calling her the devil may actually be right but Taylor Swift is fucking nuts. You don’t fuck with crazy chicks. It’s a rule. Of course when it comes to artists they shouldn’t be compensated for something they created right? Don’t be an asshole. Once she records the record and it’s sold everywhere streaming the damn thing for pennies isn’t going to fuck up her income stream. When you give that record away you are the worst band on the planet though. I’ve heard both records and I’ll take the new U2 record because it’s ten times better. Maybe if they take their shit away from all streaming sources people will see just how fucking insane people are.

 

So what can I do to build back my readers? I’m a horror writer and a father who is just struggling to keep my head above water. The working poor continue to get fucked while the poor in this country are entitled to some really great benefits. I have a lot of fun writing this shit and I thank God that I don’t live in New York right now. Those people are buried under mountains of snow. They can’t get out of their homes and here I am struggling to come up with a decent Maybe I have lost my touch or have somehow become bored writing this shit every week. Who cares what I write anyway? I work so much that I have no social life. The economy is still fucked up and here I sit addicted to Netflix. We need Netflix though. It tells cable that we no longer need them. It’s like standing up to Taylor Swift and telling her to eat a dick. We found a new way to get your shit. Is an addiction to Netflix harmful? Is this what my life has become? Episodes of Orange Is The New Black while I work on my new novel. When did getting older become so mundane? I need a damn adventure. I need to stop watching Netflix and find a new hobby.