Personal Space

Hi, 2nd blog in two days and I thought about this while I was at work. An entire blog just popped into my head. That’s the beautiful thing about being a writer. There are always ideas filtering  through. Some suck while others don’t. I even stopped writing this long enough to take a piss.

I did wash my hands just in case you were wondering. Nothing worse than someone pissing and not washing their hands.  I headed straight to a stall so I could piss in peace without someone wanting to start a conversation. This is all about boundaries and how some of you fuckers have absolutely none. Nothing worse than someone pissing and not washing their hands. You know that asshole is going to want to shake hands at some point during the day.

This is about personal bubbles and the need to respect them. Why is personal space such a non issue with people? This entire blog stems from a Facebook post about my experience at the bank. A crowd of people and I’m on my phone and some lady wants to talk to me. I still don’t know the protocols of politely telling someone to piss off.

When I say I hate people it’s shocking because as an author I picked the wrong profession didn’t I? I should clarify a little and just say that I hate talking to people. I’m a private person and find that talking to complete strangers isn’t high on my list of shit to do on any given day. If I look friendly I apologize. I’ll try and fix that immediately. Is it my face that makes it appear as if I’m dying to hear your life story?

I have had about an hour to think about this due to me writing it at work. Don’t worry I wasn’t loafing or searching for porn. I have a job that allows me to have free moments to collect my thoughts and ponder the fate of the universe. That’s a full of shit statement. I actually wonder why parents can’t keep their damn kids quiet and why the kids feel this insatiable need to let everyone around them know that they’re in the same general area. Not everyone finds your kids cute and charming. Some of us find them fucking annoying.

Here’s my thing. I have a personal bubble. When I’m out doing my thing I don’t want to talk to anyone. If you drop your keys or something then we can converse but unless I initiate some kind of verbal cue then stay the hell away from me! Just because you’re a chatty person doesn’t mean we all are. Some of us don’t like talking to strangers. We grew up with stranger danger and that shit always sticks with us. We have thoughts of our own to deal with. Stuff like; I really gotta shit, I hope this line moves soon, or if this asshole doesn’t shut up I’m going to pull his lips over his head.

What also bothers me are the huggers and the touchers. I think I may have spoken about this in other blogs but nothing creeps me out more than when people touch me or want to hug me. I’m not afraid of germs I just don’t like being touched.When strangers do it I lose my shit. It’s gross and unnecessary. I don’t know where your hands have been so refrain from putting them anywhere near me. We all learned about personal space right? Why is it so hard to respect that shit? If you don’t know someone why the fuck are you touching them? Are you that starved for attention that you have to touch strangers??

If I know you then by all means touch away unless you’re grabbing my cash and prizes. That’s where I draw the line. I explained this to Mindy and it came out wrong. I’m cool with her touching me, but if I didn’t know her it would be totally different. I’ve decided that if and when I do book signings it’s going to be extremely hard for me to stay calm and not freak out when people want to shake hands or touch me. I may have to have a Purell station close by just to be safe. I’ll refrain from cringing on the outside but inside I will be screaming. As far back as I can remember I’ve always been like this. I’ve gotten over a few of my anxiety issues but I’m sure I still have some left and you aren’t helping me.

I don’t mean to sound like an asshole but I like my personal bubble. I hate when it’s raped by thoughtless people that want to talk about their cat or how long they’ve been waiting in line. Doesn’t concern me because in about two seconds I won’t even remember who you are or that your cat gets raging boners when you touch his chin. Mindless conversations irritate me because I don’t know what to say to you. What is it that you want? Are you lonely or just want to feel as if you’ve made some sort of connection with a random dude at the bank? Are we supposed to exchange numbers and maybe meet up later for coffee?

I’m a really nice guy when you get to know me but I don’t want to know everyone I come in contact with. It’s exhausting. I don’t have that kind of time and you shouldn’t either damn it. It makes me feel like a  slacker that I haven’t talked to my 100th stranger of the day. Just sit in your seat or stand in line and shut the fuck up. It’s really not that difficult.

 

 

 

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Cheap promotion and Barry Manilow

Hi, did you know that I have a book out? I do. It’s called The Darkness Of The Soul and you can buy the digital or the dead tree version. MICHAELS NOES COVER(2).jpg

Pretty cool isn’t it? If you’ve read Legacy I can assure you that this one is different. I know every writer says that but I mean it. I knew that people were expecting a gore fest this time around, but I wanted to challenge myself a little so this is actually a book. Close to 400 pages. I wrote big. If you want to check it out I have a link right here

amazon.com/…book/dp/B01F0H0VR4/ref=sr_1_2. I’m also looking for reviews so if you read it and liked it write a small review. If you liked it and hated it send me your address and I’ll come over to your house and kick the shit out of you. I’m only kidding about the last part.  Also if you want to check out my author page on Facebook I have that link too.facebook.com/michaelnoeslegacy. I do try and update it  often as I can.
      I know a lot of people may be a little concerned about my Barry Manilow issue but I assure you  everything’s fine. Barry-Manilow.jpg
As a horror writer I need something relaxing so I throw on some Barry and chill the fuck out. To me no one is cooler than Bob Fuckin’ Saget and Barry Fuckin’ Manilow. If Legacy were every made into a film I would request that Daybreak be played during the opening credits. If you read Legacy you should let Daybreak play in the background. It’s fucking awesome.  I hear that song and think about the most violent death scenes. It would be the perfect theme song for a killer.
     Mandy fucking rules. I hear that and  write some great horror. What cracks me up is that people have this idea that I listen to some really hardcore music when I write, but odds are it’s Barry and the sad part is that Mindy makes me put in my head phones in when I listen to him. Manilow Monday makes me happy because I hate Mondays but it’s less suckish with Barry.
      I’m writing this now and singing along to Could It Be Magic. I want that somewhere on the Legacy soundtrack too. You know who else doesn’t get any respect? Neil Fuckin’ Diamond. Holy shit! Awesome songwriter. How can you hate Cracklin’ Rosie? I hear I Am I Said and that’s my goddamn anthem! I know what you’re thinking; I’m a horror writer who happens to have lost his fucking mind but I haven’t. If I did how would I know?
      I know that people feel really bad for Mindy. She has to deal with me all the time. Taco Tuesday, Manilow Monday. I thank God that she loves me. I would love to play her It’s a Miracle but she has banned Barry from the fucking house! It’s a travesty I tell you but I still love her and thank God that she loves me too. It’s A Miracle could be our goddamned song! By Baby Loves Me also makes me think of Mindy but she won’t ever get to hear it. When I watched Fuller House she was nowhere to be found. You see I’m not your typical horror writer. People are now looking at me in a whole new light. Pretty scary isn’t it? Is my cool factor gone yet? It’s okay cos it’s daybreak if you wanna believe it can be daybreak ain’t no time to breathe. Thanks for reading and don’t forget check out my new book available now at Amazon.

Did Ya Miss Me??

It’s been three months since my last blog and I guess there’s a multitude of reasons why I haven’t written anything. Mostly it’s because I’ve been busy. As a published author with a full time job there’s not much time to blog anymore. Aside from that, I just don’t feel the same way I did. There’s been a lot of growth and a lot of the anger, or confusion has been poured into my stories. I still have the same fucked up sense of humor and that’s never going to change.  What has changed is that I’m always happy. There’s never a moment where I think that my life sucks because the last couple of years have been amazeballs! That’s a word I swear.

 

Why the new blog? I have a new book coming out in 7 days. Am I excited? Am I nervous? I’m both because this is a lot bigger than my first release and on top of that it’s the debut novel from a new publisher called Fat Lip Press. In my short career I have been fortunate to have worked with some really great publishers. JEA Dark Chapter Press, and of course Morbid. Without Morbid none of this would even be possible. I know that I’ve been extremely lucky and I still refuse to lose my sense of humor. It appears as if I’m taking the piss when I’m invited to take part in book releases but it’s just how I approach them. You have so many writers taking part and throwing out their books but what I enjoy is bypassing that by having as much fun as possible. That is more important than selling a few books. I’m there to support the author anyway so I try not to hawk my own shit. It’s overwhelming to those that are attending. Plus I don’t have anything to give away so I just hang out and try and make people laugh.

 

Check this cover art out. I swear I saw that and I shit my pants!! On May 1st I am going to be a nervous wreck!

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The cool thing is that Mindy is supportive of my writing career. A lot of women would bitch and moan that I’m spending so much time writing but I do take days off just so I can spend time with her. She believes in me though and that means more to me than anything. When I decided to start writing again I never thought that I would actually get published. Am I making money? No, but as I write this I have a book launch in 7 days and there are so many people behind the scenes running promos just so people notice that I have a book coming out.

 

I’ve learned a lot over the last couple of years. I’ve done a couple podcasts, some interviews, and now I feel as if people are actually going to notice my book. I didn’t feel that way with Legacy but I do with this one. I’ve learned a great deal from everyone I’ve published with and I think that’s the best advice I can give any writer. Absorb everything. Listen to what people are saying and apply it to your craft. Learn as much as you can about promotion, editing, and even how to do interviews. Writing is essential but that’s just the first part of it. Everyday I learn something and I store it just so I know what to do next time. Always remember that while you’re having fun this is still a business. Sometimes I actually forget that part. It’s easy to do because I’m able to do what I love and it’s surreal that people are buying anthologies that feature a story that I wrote. In 7 days people are going to buy a book that I wrote! I was able to get a second book published!

 

What am I most nervous about? Book signings. That to me just blows my mind because I still can’t wrap my head around the fact that people actually want a book with my signature written in it. How do you get used to that? When people I work with found out that I had a 2nd book coming out they all requested signed copies and I have no idea why. I’m still the guy from Barberton that works a day job and tries to squeeze as much time on the laptop before he has to crash in order to do the same thing over again the next day. I’m not special. The fact that people think I am is awesome but I still can’t get used to it. I’m just a guy who writes books in Barberton Ohio. I think I’ve bored you all enough thanks for reading. Check me out on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/michaelnoeslegacy/

Confessions Of A Hair Metal Addict

If Legacy or any of my books got turned into a movie I would request that the soundtrack consist of hair metal. I think horror and hair metal would go great together and if the movie was a hit I could be responsible for it’s return! I have been waiting for hair metal to make a comeback and it just hasn’t done it yet. It will though. I want to led a scruffy band of soldiers carrying kegs of beer and while being followed by chicks in leather mini skirts. For those who don’t know what I’m babbling about here’s the definition of hair metal; Glam metal (also known as hair metal, sleaze metal and often used synonymously with pop metal) is a subgenre of hard rock and heavymetal. It combines elements of those genres with punk rock and pop music, adding catchy hooks and guitar riffs, while borrowing from the fashion of 1970s glam rock.

I miss the sleaze! Am I the only one that still listens to Ratt and Winger?? While I write this I’m listening to Firehouse’s Hold Your Fire which isn’t as good as the debut record, but still it had some chops. firehouse.jpg

I can tell you exactly where I was the first time I saw Tawny Kitaen dancing on the hood of that car. The chick on the cover of Ratt’s Invasion Of Your Privacy video was hot as fuck. As a kid growing up during that era I was fortunate to see some sleazy chicks and I  I loved it!!!!

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I think most of all this was a form of music that had no real rules. The lyrics were juvenile and for a kid like me I just wanted something that I could listen to and just be goofy. Hair metal was exactly what I needed and even as an adult I can play a certain album and it takes me back to those long ass summer vacations. I would blow my allowance on books and music. It reminds me of a time when everything was possible and yes, it reminds me of those chicks. The ones being squirted with fire hoses and wearing short leather mini skirts and heels. Women like that didn’t exist in my neighborhood!  I did find out that those women didn’t really exist and most women found hair metal sexist but who the fuck cared about those stuck up bitches!

I may be getting older but hair metal reminds me of a time when I didn’t have all the answers. While I do listen to newer music from time to time it just doesn’t have the same energy that hair metal did. There’s also a personal connection to it. I can relate to hair metal because I remember feeling that no one listened to me and all I wanted to do was have a good time. I like a song that is full of sexual innuendos. I can’t relate to newer music because it lacks any originality and for the most part it’s all whiny bullshit. I want songs about sex and partying. I want a piece of cherry pie, and I wanna rock. Can we bring back the sleaze? Can we bring back the chicks getting squirted with fire hoses??

If I had to recommend some hair metal I would tell you to start with some classics. Mötley’s Shout At The Devil, Ratt’s first four albums. Cellar, Invasion, and Undercover, and yes, even the E.P.. I would also tell you to listen to L.A. Guns’ debut album along with Hurricane’s Over The Edge. Those are the albums I listen to a lot and as for bands you can’t go wrong with Twisted Sister, or Hericane Alice. I think Kix’s Blow My Fuse and Hot Wire were brilliant. The music from that era has a timelessness to it and some may not have aged well but some did, and you can roll your eyes at me when I listen to Wildside or XYZ, and that’s okay. I am immersed in a time when I was young and the world was a wide mysterious place full of possibilities. There were also scantily clad women wearing leather skirts and heels. That’s not a bad thing.  1058514-lita_ford.jpg

It’s going to make a comeback and I can smile and say I told you so. Will it be as awesome as the first wave? All I know is that I’ll be able to say I told you so. I love being right. You can deny it all you want but I’m telling you. There will be a hair metal resurgence. It’ll be interesting to see how well it does in this ultra P.C. conform or die era, but I think there’s always room for a little sleaze.

 

 

Goodbye 2015

God I wish I could say that that last year sucked. We’re on the doorstep of 2016 and I have once again avoided any scandals, and overly embarrassing behavior. Let’s be honest and say that in public I haven’t done anything stupid. I wasn’t caught snorting cocaine off of a stripper’s tits, I wasn’t caught stalking anyone unless you count Mindy but I don’t think that counts. We live together so I’m supposed to be close to her and for the record in the year that we’ve lived together I have yet to watch her sleep. Of course 2016 is a new year, and there’s 365 days in which I can lie awake and watch her sleep.

I can tell you that I have done the Buffalo Bill dance a few times but you can’t really blame me You’ve done it too. It’s like a solo flash mob except your weenie’s tucked in. I also can tell you that 2015 has been dick pic free. Not one dick pic has been sent from my phone, but again the year is new. I have 365 days to surprise Mindy with all sort of cool shit. I can give you some ideas, but she reads this blog and if I reveal this shit then she’ll know what she’s in for. That ruins the surprise. Can I promise not to do the Buffalo Bill dance in 2016?  No I cannot. She should know that I love her and cannot promise no Goodbye Horses in the upcoming new year.

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This was an awesome year for me. I have finally reached a level where I’m proud of my writing and have been published quite a bit this year. I have yet to purchase all of the anthologies that I’m in but I have a few. I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of seeing my name in print. As a writer that spends hours creating the whole goal is to have people see it. I took part in a few writing contests which I may not have won, but I came in 5th in one and even was featured in an anthology for a story that I had serious doubts about. You see the thing is that no matter how you feel about your writing you never really know how good you are until you send it out. Odds are people are going to dig it. I did almost quit, but the thing is I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. I have too many stories to tell. I can’t walk away now.

I can tell you that when the writing feels like a job, or stops being fun then I’ll quit. There would be no reason to continue. Why would I? I have a lot to say so odds are that 2016 is going to see my writing out more, and soon Legacy II will be unleashed. I also have a new book that will follow that. I just need to finish editing it and get it subbed. The writing is what has really made this a banner year for me. People are digging my shit and that’s awesome. I never imagined that I’d have a fan base, yet I do. Thanks for reading my work and I hope that you keep reading it.

I also plan on calling my fans Noeaholics. It’s got a damn fine ring to it. We should get some shirts printed. Just my face and the Noeaholics logo. By a count of hands who would wear that shit? Wait, I can’t see you. I think any year could be awesome if you remember that life is just a ride. We have all had ups and downs throughout 2015, but with the new year is full of possibilities. I plan on changing nothing. I am going to drink a shit ton of coffee, write my fingers to nubs and continue to be awesome. That’s all I can do. I have nothing that I want to change, or need to change. I think I should implement more bacon into my diet.

So I guess if I have to say what I’m going to do in the new year I plan on watching Mindy sleep, do more of the Buffalo Bill Dance, shake it like a Polaroid picture, read more, and finally buy a damn hammock. It’s not a resolution. It’s just a plan. It’s a way to instill some excitement into the new year. This has been an amazing year and damn I wonder what 2016 has in store for me?

 

 

My Favorite Books Of 2015

Picking a favorite list of books for the year is hard. Imagine for a second sitting at your laptop trying to come up with a list that stands heads and shoulders above whatever everyone else picks. It’s hard as hell.  As a reviewer I’ve received a lot of great books this year. When I decided to write this blog I felt a little like this.rr.jpg

I have noticed that horror is doing quite well this year. Guys like Matt Shaw, Stuart Keane, and Kyle M. Scott are waving the horror banner and consistently writing great horror novels. I’m still waiting patiently for the latest novel from Jim Goforth. Goforth is one hell of a writer too. When you look at the bizarro side of it there are  guys like Brian Ellis, Matthew Vaughn and even new guys like the man beast Pedro Proenca who have wrote really good novels as well. It’s been a good year for fans of books. I have never attempted a blog like this so the goal was to write it and feel like this: 11201624_10206319273122818_4656938562605036666_n.jpg

Here is what I did. I drank some coffee and decided that yeah, this has to be numbered, but these are all books you should read. Doesn’t matter where they’re at numerically. It matters where they are in your heart, and in your mind. So here are about fifteen books that I felt were true standouts of 2015. No order at all despite being numbered.

15. Shaun Hupp  – The Shaun Hupp Collection Volume 1. 51GL5H8xe1L._SX332_BO1,204,203,200_.jpg

Short story collections are often hit or miss. You have writers that may have one or two good stories and then fill up the rest with whatever they had left on their hard drive. Not the case here. Shaun has talent and writes reality based horror that really sits in your head and festers. As a horror fan I love stuff that deals with people themselves as the monsters that we all fear. Hupp’s debut collection is one that grabs you by the throat and squeezes until you feel as if you’re going to pass out.

14. With Tooth And Claw – Jim Goforth

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Goforth isn’t like normal writers. He makes his own rules and writes stuff that reminds me of how awesome classic old school horror was. When I read Plebs it was hands down one of my favorite novels of 2014. When this was released I bought it immediately. It may be a short story collection but it also shows a writer that has grown quite a bit. For newer fans it gives you an opportunity to check out a writer who is taking the splatterpunk genre into the future.

13. The Mind Is A Razor Blade – Max Booth III

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The influences here are too many to name but if you like dark noir fiction, or ever wonder what Dark City would look like if David Lynch directed it you have a pretty good idea of what you’re in for. Booth just doesn’t write in one genre. He experiments in many and it all flows seamlessly. You have elements of bizarro and splatterpunk making out with science fiction, but it never bogs down the plot. If anything all of these different genres make the overall story that much better, and stronger.

12. Motherfucking Black Skull Of Death – Matthew Vaughn41f693AnirL._SX326_BO1,204,203,200_.jpg

Not for the easily offended and one of the craziest novels I have read this year. Add one part splatterpunk, one part bizzaro and boom! I picked this knowing that people would balk at reading something like this, but if you choose not to read it you’re missing out on one hell of a book. Vaughn is a talented writer that knows how to blend all of the violence and insanity into one of the coolest novels of 2015.

11.  Hexad – Andrew Lennon, and Matt Hickman51iNYYlOqTL._SX333_BO1,204,203,200_.jpg

Two writers each contributing stories? Sounds sketchy as fuck right? Not at all. These guys bring the horror and this collection is all about finding the balance and challenging the other writer to top what the other just wrote. It’s a great horror collection from two new horror authors. I realize that there are a few short story collections here, but trust me when I tell you that when you read them you’ll thank me later.

 

10. The Ancient Lawman – Ian David Noakeslawman.jpg

This is a classic novel that is a tribute to the classic slasher films of the 80’s. Well written and a blast to read. I love that sometimes horror gets this bad rap of being terribly written and derivative. Not the case here and Ian is a writer to keep your eyes peeled for. I think when you ask me why I like horror you’ll peek at this blog and you’ll have the answers you seek.

09. Aftertaste – Kyle M. Scott

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This is another writer that came into 2014 with a phenomenal debut. Aftertaste is exactly what horror fans crave in their novels. Kyle has writes like a man possessed. Is it dark? Check! Is it violent? Check! The point is that Kyle writes novels that use the violence to fuel the story and Aftertaste is all a part of a movement to make horror exciting again. If you’re a fan of dark violent horror then this is certainly one you shouldn’t miss.

08. A Head Full Of Ghosts – Paul Tremblayghosts.jpg

This is on everyone’s must read list for a reason. It takes everything you think about horror and throws it on its head. It’s hard to be original these days and Ghosts manages to be just that. It doesn’t make things easy and allows you draw your own conclusions. Are they right? You’ll just have to find out on your own.

07. Cine – Stuart Keane

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Picking just one Stuart Keane novel is hard because this guy just isn’t capable of writing a bad novel. Cine is my favorite for a handful of reasons. Cine shows that Keane has a knack for writing highly addictive fiction that has a meaning behind it. Every time I crack open one of his books I’m reminded of the late Richard Laymon. For horror fans who are looking for something different here you go. Keane is one of my favorite authors and there will probably be another book of his on this list. It’s my list after all.

06. Tables Without Chairs #1 – Brian Ellis, And  Bud Smith

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A bizarro novel about making shit up as you go along. There is no way to accurately describe this collection because it’s a variety shit thrown against the wall to see what sticks. If you’ve never read a bizarro novel this is a fine place to start.

05. Flashes Of Fiction: Halloween Special 2015: A Flash Fiction Collection

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This was a lot of fun to write for and I swear that I’m not picking this because I have a story in it. It breathes new life into the werewolf, zombie and vampire genre while keeping the stories short. All of the authors in here have done an amazing job and each story is original and proves that horror can fresh and exciting.

04. Kill For A Copy

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Dark Chapter Press has unleashed one hell of a debut that assembles a wealth of talent that proves that horror is still a force to be reckoned with. As a new publisher it’s important build a solid brand with talented writers and this does exactly that. While the press is still building a solid foundation with amazing titles this was the one that put them on the map.

03. Gillian’s Marsh – Michael Faun

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Michael Faun is a relatively new to most people but this is writer has already established himself with the indie scene. His debut with Riot Forge is impressive due to its originality. It takes history and blends in with horror, but never grows stale or boring.

02. Grin – Stuart Keane

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A tale of revenge and further proof that as a writer Keane continues to write solid novels that take horror to the next level. This is the kind of book that gets writers noticed. If you’re looking for classic horror this is one not to be missed.

01. Protection – Kyle Scott

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This was a surprising novel and one that Kyle didn’t think I’d like, but I did because it’s not the usual style that we’ve come to know. It’s a gripping and haunting novel that is based more on atmosphere than gore. Either way this is the best book that Kyle has written.

The End?

I have to be honest and admit that when I decided to stop writing I didn’t think anyone would care, or even notice. The idea that I have fans is actually funny to me because I never hang out and think about shit like that. I know what you’re thinking; “You released a book, your stories are in anthologies! You have an author page on not just Amazon, but Facebook. You didn’t think that people would like your stuff?” No? I mean, sure, there was a part of me that knew that I’d have a fan base but in reality I just figured it’d be a couple of dudes and maybe a chick or two.

I know that it’s hard to believe that it never occurred to me that I would have fans. Never did. It’s cool, but I just don’t think about that aspect of it. It’s kind of like a nerd who hangs out in his basement playing World Of Warcraft. He knows that boobs exist, but he never imagines that he’s ever going to actually touch them. Then he does! I’m like that guy except I’m a writer, and the boobs are actually fans. I see guys like Richard Laymon and Clive Barker and they have fans. They should, but I’m just an indie guy who listens to hair metal and writes some good shit occasionally.

What you don’t get is that I second guess myself a lot. Way more than I should. I am always afraid that my stuff isn’t good enough. People seem to like my stuff and that’s cool, but I just never imagined the scope of it. I’m just a guy in Ohio writing while listening to bands like Kiss, and Pretty Boy Floyd. I don’t look far enough out to see how far this ball I’ve thrown has actually gone. Maybe I should chase it just to see where it’s ended up. I don’t want to be consumed by the business side of it. The minute I become fanatical about reviews and sales it’s time to step a back and reevaluate why I came to the dance.

The thing was that when I decided that I needed to stop writing it never occurred to me that people would react so strongly. That surprised me. It suddenly dawned on me that I had not only kicked open the door, but I waltzed into the party carrying a cup of coffee and looking for the DJ so we can hear some old school hair metal. I can’t thank those people enough for making me realize that I had actually set out to do what I had dreamed about and even picked up a few fans and supporters along the way. All I knew was that I beat the odds and got myself published. That was all my brain focused on.

Quitting writing is a lot harder than I thought it would be. My brain just won’t take the hint. That’s not a bad thing at all. Once I fired up the creative part of my brain it just refused to shut  down. When people sent me words of encouragement it hit me that I can’t just walk away. If  I did I was not only letting them down, but I was letting myself down. On top of that my amazing girlfriend thinks that I’ll go insane and drag her with me. She may be right.  I can’t thank everyone enough for checking in with me and sending me support. It means a lot and I wish I could be like one of those politicians who go around kissing babies and shaking everyone’s hand.

It means that my decision really mattered to people. People I have never met. Instead of quitting I brought up my Winamp player and fired up some gnarly metal and wrote a werewolf story. I think it’s shit but until Mindy reads it it ain’t going anywhere near a publisher. I write to keep the darkness at bay. All those nasty thoughts come out when I write. I am a much happier little boy when I’m writing so the question is do I stop the merry-go-round and go home? Wait, that is one of my all time favorite Mötley Crüe songs. The point is do I want to walk away from the fun that I have writing?

All of those words of encouragement made me realize that I’m on to something. I’m like Kiss after they released Creatures Of The Night. Totally focused on kicking your face in with tasty riffs and glowing fucking eyes. I’m like Ratt when they released Invasion Of Your Privacy. You knew they were a good band but suddenly they pulled out this insane record and you were like; “Dude! When did Ratt become awesome?” I need to release my own version of Invasion goddamnit! Ratt

I’m close, and if I quit now? That’ll never happen. I need to keep going. I need to write. I may not become rich doing this but did that ever stop anyone from doing what they enjoyed? Fuck no it didn’t. I’m having conversations with the dog and answering! Mindy’s afraid I’m going to go all Berkowitz and shit. I love her and damn it I love writing so am I going to quit? I have a goal damn it. When I achieve what I feel is my Invasion Of Your Privacy then we’ll talk about my end game.

 

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