Wait, What?

     I’m trying to think of a blog that I can write that will assure my girl that I’m not creepy. It sucks because I’ve been banned from boxes, bows, and wrapping paper. I know one woman who’s not getting a dick in a box for Christmas. If you write a blog and have a girlfriend maybe you should keep the blog a secret.

      Is it creepy that I think her ears or cute or that I would gladly massage her feet? I didn’t think so. Creepy is making statues out of her made with mash potatoes or wondering what her insides look like. I firmly believe that there’s a fine line between cute and creepy and I have yet to cross it.

     The thing is that I’m proud of my blog. I was able to create something that shows off my twisted sense of humor. Then I started writing about my dick and it all went south. Now I realize that she thinks I’m some sex crazed pervert which is kind of true but I’m harmless. I’m not going to kick open the door and demand for thine woman to uncloth herself and be prepared to ravished. Well, wait, yeah I would.

     I read a few of my blogs and I guess she does have a valid reason to be concerned. I wanted my very own stalker for fuck’s sake. What woman is going to allow that? I think that’s a deal breaker isn’t it? Thank God that never happened. It would make date night a little weird. I take my favorite girl out and there’s my crazy ass stalker wanting to tag along.

     Stalkers ruin relationships and the longer my girl and I are together the crazier the stalker gets. I may wake up one morning and find her camped out in the yard. So I’m glad I never

got one. I came close once and I have to admit it wasn’t as fun as I had thought it would be.

     I realize now that I have been single a little too long. I have never really thought that I’d be in a relationship that would turn serious. Now I have to remember to leave the toilet seat down, or when I’m getting out of the shower not to do the helicopter.

      That single dude mentalitiy has to kick off right? The Buffalo Bill dance isn’t sexy neither is my dick in a box. Is it funny? Hell yeah it is but no wonder my girl thinks I’m a fucktard. I have to rectify this shit.

     Girls reading this are probably thinking  I’m a lost cause. I don’t have a romantic bone in my body and I do. My dick can’t be included because it isn’t a bone and why is it when when we talk about banging chicks we always remark that we wanna give the dog a bone? How rude.

     My blogs are only one side to who I am and sure you can’t always predict how I’m going to behave but isn’t that a good thing? Women reading this are shaking their head in horror and they feel badly for my girlfriend because I’m a fucking mess.

     Women reading this may assume that I can’t be civilized or that when it comes to sex I’m some kind of manimal. To some extent I guess I am because I love sex. Fucking love it. What woman would have a problem with a guy that has dirty thoughts while eating a taco?

      When I began writing my blogs I never thought that women would read this. I never wondered what they would think either but now? I realize that most women think I’m a sex craved idiot that has intellectual conversations with his dick. Hasn’t every guy done that?

      I can’t change the world but I can talk about my love of breasts and all the stupid shit I’ve done. Why would I do this? It’s simple. Someone out there is having a really fucked up day and if I can make people laugh that’s a good thing. I may seem like an idiot but there are tons of blogs that are quite serious and show that I can move beyond the dick and fart jokes.

     How many women reading this actually laughed at the idea of me doing the Buffalo Bill dance or suddenly doing the helicopter with my dick? Not many women are going to find me repulsive or odd. They may if they walk in on me doing the helicopter but after the initial shock you know you’d laugh.

     Have I convinced my girl that I’m not creepy or a bit odd? Probably not and I really did try. Maybe I didn’t but there are other blogs that present my case of being totally normal and will prove that I’m not creepy and exhibit good behavior. This blog isn’t going to prove anything and may in fact increase the list of shit I’m banned from doing.




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