Borderline Atheist

     This is an open letter to all my Christian friends who have by now assumed that I have gone totally crazy. I realize how random my behavior has been over the last year and maybe it’s time I come clean.

     I should be honest with all of you and even myself. My blog is all about being honest and open and holding nothing back. After careful consideration and thought I felt now was the time to be honest.

     Due to a variety of personal tragedies I have become a borderline atheist. God hasn’t been there at all and the two years I wasted praying and believing got me nowhere. It’s funny how people tell you to trust in God and I found that the more I did the more I got shit on.

     What’s amusing to me is that as soon as I walked away from religion my life improved. I have a job working well over eighty hours a week and I didn’t pray and ask for God’s help. If I had I’d probably still be unemployed. I started relying on my self and it started working better than when I relied on God.

     The thing is I don’t even think there is a God. Forget all the science and other bullshit. This is strictly on an intellectual level. I stopped believing in God and my life improved. I found that my personal happiness was far more important than the approval of some nonexistent deity.

     I hear the questions. How can you walk away from your faith? You know the Bible, you know you’re going to hell right? I walked away from my faith a year ago when my house burnt down. That was the nail in my Christian coffin. It was quite easy to denounce everything I once held dear.

     You can live without God. I have never been happier and I am proof that you can be a borderline atheist. God was never there for me so it made more sense to live as I wanted and to be happy.  Happiness isn’t tied to religion. So many people think it is and they are totally wrong.

     Even though I’m a borderline atheist it doesn’t mean I’m an evil person. I’m just no longer narrow minded and base my opinions on what will benefit society as a whole and not on what will cripple us. Where as Christians throw God everywhere and it always always ends disastrously.

     I don’t plan on announcing my decision repeatedly so you won’t see me arguing with anyone or trying to shove my ideas down any one’s throat. My choices are personal as are everyone else’s. I don’t want to argue and don’t really give a shit what you believe as long as you leave me the fuck alone.

     It is possible to be in love and live a normal life. I don’t question the why of it all or even where it all came from. When I’m dead it doesn’t matter anyway. I’ll be lying in a coffin rotting so wasting my time pleasing a God who may not exist seems like a waste of time.

     I felt that I should be honest and I hope that people don’t feel compelled to pray for me or send me their testomony on why they need God. I’ve been there and done that and I am now focusing on living my life the way I want to. I am no longer blinded by the God delusion so it’s easier to find inner peace and happiness.
    
    

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Church Adventures

     People are going to start banning me from church I can feel it. I manage to get out of bed hop in the shower and even try and promise myself no blog. It seems everytime I drag myself there I end up with something. This time I wouldn’t write one.

     My mom’s church blended in with another church so I’m surrounded by people I don’t know. There’s some lady randomly yelling; “Yes Lord, thank you Lord.” My first thought was; I wonder if she yells that during sex? How distracting would that be if you’re pounding away and she just starts thanking Jesus. 

     Once I shift  my focus away I notice that the lady in front of me is swatting at her ear and her right arm is shaking. The more I watch her the more I notice all these weird behaviours. She would shake her head or once again swat at her ear. I thought maybe it was a bug but  as she kept doing I realized there was no bug at all.  She was just twitchy.

     Before I had kids and a wife I wanted to be a writer. I would get random ideas from just watching people. You’d be surprised by how many stories I had gotten from watching people. As I watch her I hear; “Yes Lord.” I start panicking because twitchy has become even more twitchy and I start thinking that she’s going to kill all of us.

     This is a  very small building so if she decides to kill because she just got a message from God saying that we needed to die because we’re all sinners I am totally fucked. There’s nowhere for me to go. All the folding chairs are occupied so any hope of braining her with one of those isn’t an option. My cell phone kept bouncing in and out of roaming so calling for help is also out as an option. 

     You read about people going batshit crazy at church but it’s something you try not to think about while you’re there. There I am wondering if twitchy is hearing the voice of God and maybe that’s why she’s swatting at her ear and shaking her head. Is God telling her to mow us down like wheat and she’s resisting because she knows it’s not a viable option? You go to church to serve and worship God not slaughter innocent people.

     Is there anything I’d like to confess? Fuck! I’m not Catholic. Where would I even begin? Knowing my luck I’d be the first one she kills and why not? I am seated behind her so it would make sense right? What nuggets of wisdom would she give to me as she’s pumping my chubby body full of holes? Would I shit and piss my pants?

     What if there was no God? As the walls are splashed with blood and the screams of the dying fill the air this is where all the answers are finally answered. All of these people could suddenly realize that God was a myth like Bigfoot or true love. Once they die and realize there’s nothing will they finally apologize for shoving God down our sinful throats?

     If there is no God this woman just killed a church full of people because she was fucking nuts! Why would God tell her to kill a church full of people anyway? The Bible is full of that shit isn’t? “Hey, it’s God. Kill your mom.” They they’d run home and kill their mother because God told them too. Fuck the commandment that says thou shalt not kill because when God tells you to kill someone you better fucking do it or else He’ll smite you and your entire bloodline.

     I try and focus on the service but at this point I’m fucking lost. I have no idea what’s going on and there’s a pregnant woman seated an aisle over and behind me. Now I’m totally pissed because she’s pregnant and hot. Why oh Lord is this happening? A hot pregnant and a twitchy lady?

     It was at that moment that I realized I am way beyond the help of any church. No priest is going to listen to my confession sober and if he does he’d need a shit load of therapy aftterward. Again, thank God I’m not Catholic. I shift away from all the distractions and wonder why is it that other people can go to church and have no issues but I go and I have no control over my brain?

     If there is a God why in the hell did he curse me with Add? Why do have to think about everything and question everything? Just once I would like to not think or imagine that a crazy lady is planning to make it rain blood and bullets.

     From here on out no more church. I quit, give up, throw in the towel. Let someon else try and write a decent blog about church that makes people feel good and shit. I have failed miserably and I should feel some type of remorse or at least embarrassment yet I feel nothing.

Arrrrrgh *cough cough*

     It’s been an interesting week and I have to say that my twins have been been a huge part in that. My kids have always been a driving force in my life. They have no idea how much they have influenced me. My kids loved Skillet and Flyleaf and once I dropped all of the elements of Christianity out of my life the music was the first to go.

     After the fire I no longer had the cd’s anyway so I just never replaced them. This week I figured I may as well make them happy so I got them the Flyleaf and the Skillet but then something happened. I actually smiled as I remembered that most of my favorite albums were by Christian artists.

     The first cd I listened to this week was Frost Like Ashes’ Tophet. This is brutal unblack metal. There is nothing like Christian Unblack
metal but as I sat on my floor grinning like an idiot I realized just how much I missed this stuff. I was happy, truly happy and I needed more.

     I haven’t been this happy listening to music in months. A band that looks like this actually made me happy!

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     As I looked over all the music I had been listening to over the last six months I tried to get that same excitement I got from Tophet and it just wasn’t there. Thanks to my kids I rediscovered the music that truly defined me, and made me happy.

     My kids helped me to discover that even though I may have walked away from God I still loved the music. Christian metal is truly amazing and the problem I had listening to non christian music was how bored I had become. I had become something the kids had truly been proud of and I stripped away the only identity I felt comfortable with. I walked away from something I was thought I could never be.

     That Frost Like Ashes cd was a reminder that no matter where I go or who I think I might be I haven’t changed as much as I thought I had. Christian metal and unblack metal has always been made fun but there are those that see what I see. There are tons of bands that were ground breaking and showed that Christians don’t have to be boring.
     As a Christian I was lead into all these different areas and when I discovered unblack metal I was ecstatic. As I veered away from my faith I tried to listen to black metal but it wasn’t the same. For me the satanic imagery and negativity wasn’t as interesting as the Christian unblack metal.

     These were songs about war and brutality and even faith. Despite black metal being based on lack of faith unblack metal is all about faith and hope. We all need hope. We need a bunch of dudes wielding swords and running through a Norwegian forest. Why does every black and unmetal band have to be in a forest with a troll? Every video is filmed that way.
  
     

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     This is the second band I started listening to again. Hortor is just crazy talented and again I got giddy. I really missed this music and I was instantly deleting the music that had replaced this stuff. I flashed back to discovering new bands every day and suddenly for the last several months I had nothing new. Once I stopped listening to Christian metal there was nothing exciting anymore. Nothing made me exclaim; Holy Crap on a cracker!

        While listening to all this amazing music I realized exactly why I was so miserable. I realized why I have felt so lost and out of place. I let go of something that I was proud of, the one thing that defined me. My Christianity. It was more than just music. It was who I was. The music just became an extension of my faith.

     You can never change who you are. You can spend three years of your life creating someone you never thought you’d become and then suddenly raise your hands and say; I quit, but can I? My kids showed me that deep down I’m still the same guy I was seven months ago. I can try and be happy but I’m never going to be unless I figure out who I am.

     What I’m going to do now is put in my head phones and listen to one of the greatest metal cd’s ever. Mortification’s Break The Curse and then I’m going to go to church and figure my next step. Do I want to be the directionless miserable person I’ve become or do I reclaim my smile and be the guy that banged his head to Jesus metal and found his true calling?

     I truly believe that we all have a purpose and for a long time I believed that mine was showing people that as a Christian we’re all into different things. You don’t have to be the stuffy suit and tie guy if that’s not who you are. When I became a Christian I was still quite rough around the edges but God was able to use that.

     What mattered was what you believed. It wasn’t about what kind of music you listened to, what books you read, it was about your heart and that was what God was focusing on. The exterior isn’t important it’s the interior. A lot of Christians still don’t get it and it’s unfortunate.

Damage Through The Haze

Don’t ya just love it when I go to church? The nonintelligent folks that go through life without questioning anything are now groaning and throwing up their hands in disgust. Isn’t life about discovery and growth? As a kid I’ve always wanted to know why. When I found out the why I was always happy and found a new why.

My son is all about God and church and I’m okay with that because it’s my fault he has such a vested intrest in it. When I stopped believing and going to church he was a bit confused and asked why. Was I mad at God? Do I still believe in God? I never lie to my kids so I answered honestly and said I don’t know. I’m not mad at God but I don’t know if I believe in God anymore.
Just because I’m confused it doesn’t mean my kids have to stop going to church or believing in God. This is where parents and adults really anger me. If a parent doesn’t have a belief system or may even be an atheist they expect their kids to be the same way. They forget that their kids will someday grow up and their beliefs may change.

As parents we need to encourage our kids no matter what. Don’t throw blinders on them and expect them to have the same beliefs and world view you do. As I sat there my mind was filling up with what I had believed, what I projected and I was reminded of what I had set out to do as a Christian. I kept hitting upon the word sheep and how as believers that’s what God expects us to be.

Sheep are mindless ans follow the herd. Is that what God really wants? We aren’t supposed to seek out the truth that He Himself had established? If we don’t question what our pastors and religious leaders are telling us how then can anyone grow in their faith?

Not questioning closes our minds and allows us to become just like everyone else in the pews in front and behind us. There’s no reason to exist beyond what they’re telling you. That sheep ideology just doesn’t make sense to me. As a Christian my goal was to find the truth. Compare what my pastor and my religious leaders were telling me to what the Bible says. If there’s a disconnect or even a slight change in context I would step back and pray if what I’m hearing was in fact true.

The sheep mentality can’t work because if the word of God is taken out of context weakens an entire congregation. How are you supposed to question it if you’re a sheep? The more I sat and the more I thought the more I realized that whether I liked it or not as a Christian I made an impact. I was different than most in that I truly believed what the Bible said and truly listened to sermons. By listening and comparing it to the Bible I could tell that the church I was in wasn’t going to work for me.

What happens a lot of times is a sect or denomination will take verse out context and build upon false doctrine. I always urged people to think for themselves. You can’t force someone to go to church and believe in God. Free will dictates what we believe or don’t believe in. You can’t spout Bible verses at people and constantly tell them they’re going to hell. It can’t work because those people don’t care. I wanted people to get saved but if I was forcing them or guilting them into it I failed.

Sitting there this morning reminded me of what I had tried to be. I wanted to serve God and be a Christian that people could look up to. God to me was more than just church. I blogged about my faith, I supported the idea that salvation was for everyone but I never pressured anyone into it. I wasn’t like a lot of the suit and tie Bible thumpers that go around acting holy. That wasn’t my style.

If I had begun some sort of Christian legacy what was it? I was a bit of a rebel and didn’t conform to the idea of what a Christian was supposed to be. I was still scruffy, I listened to music that most Christians fled from in fear. I began to think about my faith and why it seemed as if those years were a wasted effort. Where was God when I needed him? Everytime I go to church I always ask the same questions. Where are you? Was it all just a wasted effort?

I still have the same knowledge and the feeling that my life had some purpose but now I just feel lost and confused. Are we supposed to serve God blindly and never question anything? Where was the God I served? I still can’t find him. When I stepped outside of my Christianity I assumed that I would find the Bible to be laughable but instead I’m reminded of why I was a Christian in the first place. There was calm among the chaos, there was a chance to be someone greater than I ever thought possible.

I assumed that by turning my back on God my life would somehow turn out better or have a wider meaning. Instead I’m struggling to figure out who I am and what the fuck I’m supposed to do. The fire has really forced me to reexamine myself. Not just my faith. Everything. My stance on forgiveness, and hate, and even anger. I’m not sure if I’ll ever find the answers. Christianity was a way for me to be someone greater than I thought I was but was it all for nothing? Were those verses just empty promises and ideas that man created? I really need to stop going to church. It doesn’t help and only confuses me because I start to think about how broken and screwed up I’ve become.

Can’t Sleep

     Maybe the title is a bit misleading. I can sleep and fell asleep reading. I woke up hugging my tablet like it was my girlfriend. It was an awkward moment because I remember reading and I just fell out. Woke up and realized why I never go to sleep at eight in the evening. I have no cable, no television. I’m fucked.

     I decided to grow a beard this winter and I don’t get why people have to ask why I grew it. is there supposed to be some deep meaning behind facial hair? Ever since man evolved there has to be a reason for everything. God really screwed us up because everything has a purpose including facial hair.

     There are actually two reasons for the beard. The first is obvious. I got tired of shaving. I shave my entire head so I’m actually cutting out on time spent in the bathroom. Every week I shave my head and then my face. One morning I said fuck it and now I have the beard.

     The second reason is far deeper. I have a disease. It’s called I don’t give a shit. This disease affects my entire life. I wake up in the morning plaster on a fake smile and plow through my day. I’m oblivious to everything and it sucks but what can I do. I’ve had a rough few months thought I finally hit a corner and now I’m right back where I started.

     I just don’t care how I look and if it wasn’t for my job I’d stop showering and doing laundry. I wake up fake enthusiasm and come home and pretend that I actually give a shit about whatever topic I encounter until I’m alone and can read and pretend that the world doesn’t exist.

     I’ve been through far too much shit. I feel like a discarded pumpkin. I’m all hollow inside and have no idea how to fix me. I keep hearing about prayer and God and I chuckle. I’d like to thank God for allowing my life to continually turn to shit. Awesome job. For all those lovely people that want to pray for me please don’t. I can’t handle anymore stress and if my life gets any worse I may just end up in the whacky shack eating crayons.

     The phrase I keep hearing is confession is good for the soul but is it? Religous folks are all about confession. We all want to be absolved of something don’t we? The only thing that confession really does is give you an excuse to do it again. If we can be forgiven why not do it again?

     Sin is such a broad area and people are consumed with this idea that confession will somehow make their lives better. All confession does really is make you look like a horrible person. Confession may not be good for the soul. You know what’s good for the soul? You shutting the fuck and talking to God or whomever on your own. Why bring in an intermediary?

     Lastly because I’m getting sleepy and I think this blog is sucking, I’m trying to pinpoint the exact moment when I started to fuck up everything I came in conract with. The other night I was looking back on my life and I realized I’ve fucked up every relationship I’ve ever had.

     Everything I touch I break. It’s that simple. I end up screwing up a relationship because I was freaked out and scared and I noticed that it’s always been that way. I either push them away or say something that makes me look like an asshole. I find the one woman that I truly wanted to be with and I screw it up.

     There’s nothing you can do to fix it. Once you fuck it up there’s no way to unfuck it up. There’s always that hope that they’ll see that you didn’t want to push them away you just did what you always do. Some people are perfectly content with being happy and enjoy it while I usually just fuck it up. The part that sucks is when you see her and she’s just as beautiful as the last time you saw her. That’s when you realize you may have lost the greatest thing that’s ever happened to you.

     I think at some point though we need to rely less on what could happen in a relationship and just focus on what’s important. I broke my one cardinal rule and that’s to not think ahead. I did and went all panicky and shit. I am a walking disaster that’s totally screwed up. I hit that moment where I freaked out and then hit a period where I just said fuck it.

    I doubt very highly that I’ll get a shot of redemption anyway. It’s never worked out for me. If I could confess maybe it would be that I don’t have all the answers, I’m not a very good savior at all because when it comes right down to it I’m just scared as everyone else. I fell in love with an amazing woman and totally fucked it up. It happens. All I can do is keep moving forward. It’s all I got left.

Just A Thought

     I should really run a disclaimer here about how opinions henceforth and foursquared are mine and don’t necessarily follow the opinions of other folk. I want people to think for themselves and if they read this don’t be a sheep and nod your head and agree unless you really have pondered it and truly do.

     With that out of the way shall we begin? Last night I went to a religious play. I had no idea what I was in for so I of course Goggled it and saw that it was about death and what happens when you die. You either go to Heaven, or Hell. No middle ground at all really just two options. Once I discovered this I made a decision that truly affected the rest of my life.

     Instead of being like everyone else in the auditorium of this church I would view not only the play but the entire topic of religion as an intellectual. I wouldn’t allow my heart to make a decision at all. Once the play began I knew I made the right decision but the intellectual side was working over time.

     As the play began you were subjected to Jesus being nailed to the cross which makes everyone a bit weepy. Let’s be honest and say it’s a powerful visual and one designed to melt the hardest of hearts. He died for us you poor slob and don’t you forget it! I began to notice that this is an image that all Christians use to persuade sinners and unbelievers to come over to Jesus. He was nailed for you, he died for you. Allow your guilt over your proverbial sins to allow Jesus into your heart.

      Of course you then had Satan, the evil villain in a fright mask and distorted voice. Frightening? Sure, but I noticed again the pattern here and it was a bit shocking to me. Good vs evil at it’s very best. Satan hates you, he wants you to suffer and loves it when you hate Jesus. Very powerful stuff and it’s very effective.

     The play was a shock and awe campaign designed to literally scare the hell out of those who don’t believe in jesus who in my opinion is a bit too huggy. He has his arms outstretched and reminds me of a hippy minus the drugs and dirt. Satan was displayed as a sharp contrast to the hugs and love. He was clearly the villiain and you could tell people were moved by scenes of sinners being dragged off to hell.

     As an intellectual I saw religion a little differently than I did before. Had I allowed my heart to make any decisions I would have been a weeping mess declaring to everyone that I was a wretched sinner that needs a hug from Jesus. If I allowed my heart to decide my fate this blog may have turned out differently.

     I started to distance myself a bit from the scenes of Jesus hugs and a giddy Satan dragging people off to hell. I was wrong all along people. I no longer share the beliefs that I once held so dear. I don’t know what I believe anymore. Intellectually I saw the opinions of other religions side by side with those that I was witnessing and couldn’t say who I agree with.

     Am I anti-God and hell? I can’t say because what I don’t want to argue with those who do. My own personal opinion on the matter is that to an extent I agree with those who don’t believe in hell even though it’s supposed to be in The Bible. Do I even believe that The Bible is in fact real? I don’t know. Religion is one of those things you can’t prove or disprove. People have been greatly improved through Religion and let’s be honest and admit that people have been greatly harmed by Religion.

      I sat back and watched this play and saw just how ridiculous it all was. We use Satan and hell to scare people into believing in God but what if there is no hell? What if there is no God, or Jesus? I wrote all of these blogs proclaiming faith in Jesus and Heaven but was it all a wasted effort? I have no idea and my heart of course is telling me I’m making a mistake by moving away from my faith and allowing myself to live my life the way I want to.

     I sat there and I realized that I needed to broaden myself a bit and remove my heart from all decision making. I needed to start looking at relationships and everything I do from an intellectual basis. Start removing people and doing things that benefit me as a person not because it feels right but it will benefit me as a person. When you start to view Religion differently it affects your entire outlook.

     We allow our heart to make most of our decisions and that’s why we end up where we are. Instead of thinking things through we always end up in situations that are harmful. I need to retrain myself to look at my life and remove the distractions, the things that in the long run aren’t going to work out and may in fact do more harm than good.

     The heart may give us life but at the same time it also leads us to death. Not physical death mind you, but emotional death. It causes us to be involved in things that we have no business being involved in and even our religious beliefs are a direct result of the heart being overwhelmed with what could happen. Fuck that I’m realigning myself to do what matters, and what affects me in the long run. I refuse to make any decisions without thinking them through and seeing how it could play out.

      That play truly opened my eyes and I see myself as a new man. One who is now driven by intellect instead of emotion and I have to tell you that it feels pretty damn good. I’m able to see a lot clearer than I ever had and I wish I had done this a helluva lot sooner.
    

The Demise

      The demise. Sounds a bit ominous doesn’t it? Let me start by saying that for the most part I’m relatively healthy or at least think I am. This blog is an attempt to answer a few questions about my faith and what exactly happened to bring me to where I am at this moment. The demise just fit and I truly have avoided the obvious question of what happened.

      If you read a few of the older blogs you’ll notice that I was a Christian that truly had a firm grasp on The Bible and my faith. People wanted me to become a preacher and I thought at one time that I wanted to lead people to Christ. What happens when the faith begins to waver? What happens when you question what is you believe in?

      I saw a guy on television yesterday running around his church smacking people on the head yelling; “Feel the power of Jesus!” How insane is that? I wanted to break away from the craziness that filters into religion but the further away I got from my faith the more I saw just how insane a lot of these people truly are.

     I started to doubt my faith when my life started to unravel. The breaking point for me was the house fire. I kept hearing that if you just believe in God he supposedly takes care of you yet I wasn’t feeling the love. I got to a point where I remember praying and truly believing that I would be delivered from all the insanity that I was dealing with. It never happened.

      I kept hearing that I just didn’t believe enough and that I would be delivered it just takes time. Really? How much time are we talking? My marriage fell apart, I was getting my ass kicked by child support and then my son caught my house on fire. Where in the hell was God? Somehow I find that faith in God is a bullshit concept.

     Don’t get the wrong idea either. I’m not blaming God at all. I don’t think God had anything to do with any of it but he didn’t intervene at all. Instead of continuing to believe in God I kicked him the hell out of my life and decided he needed to be fired. I needed to take control of my own life and stop thinking that because I’m a Christian my life’s going to improve because God’s in control. Not true at all.

      After the fire and in the last few months the demise of my faith became evident. It solidified that the last few years have been wasted by this belief in a higher power. I reflected on what it was that made me happy and my faith when it was strong just wasn’t enough for God to make a difference in my life. I put aside the faith, the Christianity and started to live my life the way I wanted.

     Christians like to believe that God is working in their lives all the time. They find twenty bucks and somehow God put it there for them to find. It wasn’t God at all. Someone dropped it unknowingly and you just happened to find it. You can put God anywhere. God gave me cancer, God killed my dog. It’s easy to forget all that and focus soley on the shit that makes God look good.

     I’m not an atheist now just a realist. If you believe in God try and take a real look at what you truly believe and ask yourself if what you’re saying makes any sense. I can’t say my house caught on fire for a reason. What fucking reason is there other than to show me that less is more or that we as Americans put too much stock on personal belongings. All we need is God, he supplies everything. Fuck you.

     I went to church a few weeks ago and watched others around me and wondered what they would do if they were in my shoes. After being pounded into the ground repeatedly would they still clutch onto God or figure fuck it it’s time to cut our losses? These people were sold on an idea that God supplies, that God listens but I’m proof that he doesn’t.

     I embraced the fact that I needed a change. I needed to reflect a bit before even writing this blog because I know how Christians are. I know how narrow minded they are. If I were to truly come back to the black part of who I was I knew I had to make changes. I couldn’t be angry at God because he dropped the ball. I also knew that I couldn’t allow myself to sink into a depression or be anti-religion. It’s just not who I am.

     In these past few blogs I’ve allowed myself to shed my religious past. This is who I was before I became a Christian and I understand that people won’t understand why I chose to revert back to who I once was but I felt that it was important to be honest with myself and be exactly who I am without fear of some sort of backlash.

      I’m severing ties with religion and for the first time in a long time I’m having fun. I’m not concerned anymore with what people are going to think, or what they’re going to say. It doesn’t matter anymore. I’m not the guy going around slapping people in the head telling them to feel the power of Jesus. I held off on writing this blog for a while but I felt it was time to face those who are concerned and wonder what happened.

     My faith in God is gone. It’s not broken, it isn’t something I want to try and fix either. I want to separate myself from religion and to let them know that this who I am now. You don’t have to accept it or even acknowledge it because it’s a dead issue. I know that there are people praying that I’ll come to senses and guess what? I did. I told God to take a hike and waved a fond farewell as he walked out of my life.

     The obvious question is now what? Where do I go from here? I have no idea but it’s going to be fun to figure it out. I just plan on continuing to write this blog the same way I’ve always done. It may be vulgar and sometimes bitter but what else would you expect from me. Life is an adventure not a destination and I’m having a blast right now. All I can say is strap in because it’s going to be a bumpy ride.

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