We’ve Lost Our Damn Minds

Am I the only one that watched the leaked Trump tape and laughed? Wait, before you start throwing shit at me and boycotting my books, let me explain myself and build some kind of defense. I also want to tell you that those men who are shocked and outraged by Trump’s remarks are liars. Most of them anyway. Here’s the thing that you have to understand and no, it doesn’t make make what Trump said any better. When you say you’re going to grab a chick by the pussy it isn’t meant to be heard outside of your circle of friends.The offended men are liars, they should just shut the fuck up. Seriously.

Do I support Trump in any way shape or form? Nope. I still think that Trump is a fucking idiot and anyone that votes for him should have their fucking heads examined. Why am I not outraged at what Trump said? It’s simple. I’m a dude. You should hear the way men talk about women when they’re with other dudes. You’d be shocked and ready to skin us all alive. It is it wrong? Of course it is, but we’re men and we talk about women. That’s what we do. Women, your husband and boyfriend does it too. We will see an attractive woman and point her out. We may say something like; “I’d like to bite that ass!”, or “Do fries come with that shake?” I bet women do it too. You women could probably put us to shame with your lewd comments. .

When you call a guy a rapist based on words alone you’re being a bit harsh and wrong. We objectify women in the company of other dudes, and we never ever rape them. Women shouldn’t be all that shocked by what Trump said. If we could, we’d grab a lot of women by the pussy and then just for shits and giggles we’d motor boat their titties. What I’m defending here are men who say stupid shit. It’s what we do. It’s not right and shouldn’t be heard outside of our circle of friends. When I heard the Trump tape I laughed because I have been with my friends and we’ve done the same thing. Should Trump know better? He has a dick. You can’t train a guy not to say shit like that. What would be horrifying is Trump actually grabbing women by the pussy as a way of greeting.

Now, I’m sure that there will be a lot of women angered by my comments and they’ll no doubt say that I should stop objectifying women. I have a dick, it’s just how I’m wired. Not going to happen anytime soon, but I have enough sense to keep my thoughts centered and for the most part respect women the way my mother taught me. I have enough sense to know that women are not pieces of meat and should never, ever under any circumstances be grabbed by the pussy. There is an exception to this rule. If the woman is your wife or girlfriend, then you grab ’em by the pussy. That’s the only time it’s acceptable. What I’m saying is Trump got caught being a man. Sure, he’s creepy, and an idiot, but he got grown women to say pussy. That’s fucking awesome!

I think as a culture we get offended too easily. Political correctness has gotten out of control. We now have to defend ourselves for what we say when we’re out with out friends. Our very words are being used to define who we are, and that ain’t right. As a society we have strayed away from free speech and into a place where we are ready to convict people for thought crime and hate speech just for having a different opinion than everyone else. How did we come to this? It’s all of our faults for allowing this to happen. We can no longer speak for fear that it’s going to offend someone. When you’re shocked by a leaked tape of men being men what’s next? How can we control our thoughts and design our words to be palatable to everyone? You can’t do it, there’s just no way. You’re always running the risk of offending someone.

That’s what you need to understand. I’m just trying to make people see how ridiculous this all is. We’re shocked for all the wrong reasons. There’s worse things to be offended by. I get that he’s a presidential candidate and all, but he’s still a guy. Doesn’t make it right or even better, but it is what it is. We approach an election year that is surreal and utterly terrifying, but what we have to remember is that these are our choices and we’re fucked. I mean really fucked. Neither one of these people should be running our country, but that’s just my opinion.







Boredom Can Be Dangerous

Let’s talk about Facebook for a minute. Somehow they are able to link your profile with ads that somehow cater to you. That sounds great but what if your interests are pretty off the wall? I have a really twisted sense of humor so in some of those sections I have off the wall stuff like Cheese whiz, head banging, and sleeping. Other than mattresses what other ads could it possibly come up with? If you’re a head banger what are the odds that you’ll see an ad on the right side of your screen advertising helmets? Since I put in religion I happened to see a lot of ads for Christian related things. Universities, books and recently dating sites. What? Wait, that’s a bit freaky. Dating sites? At first I kind of blew it off but then I was a bit bothered by that.

Facebook somehow thinks that because I’m single I’m lonely or spend my nights face down in a bowl of mint chocolate chip ice cream, or maybe watching the Notebook while sobbing like a high school girl at a Jonas Brothers Concert. I don’t drown my sorrows in ice cream and I’m not lonely but I thank Facebook for looking out for me. It’s awesome that they just assume that I want to date or glance to the right and say to myself; “Yay! There’s Christian single in my area.” I don’t do that. Never have. I happen to frown on dating and figure since I was with the same woman for almost eighteen years I deserve a break. I want to be a single guy so why would I jeopardize all of my progress by hooking up with a woman?

You know when you’re single and bored it’s not a good thing. You end up throwing tater tots at the dog, googling yourself and sometimes actually checking out one of those dating sites. I don’t do it because I’m lonely or have trouble meeting women. If I left my house for more than work or groceries I’m sure I could meet a woman but I choose to wait until hell freezes over before I date.

I checked out one of these dating sites and I was cracking up because they ask you to describe yourself and be honest. That’s the first problem. You can’t be honest because if you were then no one would want to date you and I also noticed that a lot of these chicks like to dance. I don’t dance and never have mostly because I hate pop music and you can’t really dance to the kind of music that I listen to. You can’t say certain things because you don’t want chicks to think you’re too smart. Most chicks find intelligent guys boring and some find them intimidating. When you fill out this thing you don’t want to say too much and I had half a mind to say that I’m looking for a girl who talks real good.

Then there’s the part where they ask you what you’re looking for and I was tempted to write in a drunk chick that likes to dance.  Also if you’re picky are you supposed to say one with all of her fingers and toes? Is it rude to just write in no fat chicks? Not that I mind fat chicks but I do find it interesting when you scroll through the pictures some of them are really blurry and it makes you wonder what are they hiding? Is there something they’re hiding?  What is it with the pictures taken in the dark? Again it makes you wonder.

I find it interesting that most people prefer to take their picture in the bathroom which I don’t understand. Two questions come to mind; (1) Are their bathrooms that rad that they have to take their picture there and; (2) What were they doing before they took the picture? I hope they at least washed their hands. Why is it most of these women look like strippers who’ve done a lot of drugs? I have no problem with strippers but what is it about posting a picture that makes you look like a stripper? Is that a quality guys are really looking for? As they’re compiling a list do they write; Has to have a sense of humor, great with kids and a stripper.

Maybe just maybe I want a respectable girl who keeps her clothes on and makes me laugh. Is that too much to ask for? I want a hot nerd. A chick that can actually carry a conversation and doesn’t feel threatened when I ask her if she wants to accompany me to the book store. I do feel a bit pressured to date mostly by the older peanut and my ex-wife. They don’t get that the only reason I signed up for this thing was due to boredom. I don’t believe you can find your soul mate on the internet. It’s impossible but who knows. Maybe I’ll find her and she won’t be a stalker or a serial killer. I don’t expect to actually get a date from this but at least I got a blog out of it. Still looking for a hot nerd. Any hot nerds reading this blog please comment, or friend me on Facebook.