The Walk Of Shame

This morning I woke up with this crushing weight of uncertainty.  I crawled out of bed and groaned because it dawned on me that today was the day.  This day would change the face of our country. Election day in America is where we pick out American Idol and usually feel good about our choice. That’s how it usually works anyway. Not this election, and certainly not these candidates. How did we get here? This is the best that American politics has to offer?   I don’t care how the system works, and I certainly don’t pretend to know how it works either. All I know is that there’s something wrong with the system and we’re slowly spinning out of control.  This has been an election fueled by hatred and we cheer and applaud every time it filters through our televisions and computers. I get it, this is an important election  but it doesn’t mean I have to feel good about my choices. I wonder how many people feel the same way I do?

I didn’t want to vote, but I did. I didn’t want to pussy out just because I didn’t like my options. What options right? In this election you couldn’t go with the lesser of the two evils because they’re both pretty evil in their own ways. We’re on the verge of self destruction and there’s nothing we can do but hope for the best and feel good about our decision. Outside of the polling place it was pissing rain as if the sky was crying for us. I felt a hole in the pit of my stomach as I walked toward those doors. I have always voted with confidence and studied each candidate and cast my vote for the one I believe will do the most good. This time I had no idea who these people were, or even what they stood for.  I saw some of the debates and that’s why voting would be so difficult for me. When I began to study them and saw what they stood for there were both good and bad in each but then I saw a candidate act so immaturely I couldn’t imagine this person running our country. On the other side was a possible criminal that seemed out of touch with the people she wanted to lead.

Everyone looked confused and sad. We were all sharing the same. Dirty secret. We voted but for what? What do the next four years hold for us? Where are we headed? I voted out of obligation not because I felt strongly about one candidate over another. I have voted without fail every election and this is the only time I voted and felt dirty. I kept thinking; Did I make the right choice? I don’t think I’ll ever know. I did the walk of shame as I left the polling place and refused to make eye contact with anyone for fear that I would see the same helplessness reflected back into my own eyes. I honestly felt as if I just had sex with a crack whore.  There was no voter confidence as I left just shame and indifference. Didn’t matter who won or lost because in the end we’re all losers. Some just didn’t know it yet. It’s gonna be a long four years and one long night.  We watch our television in a state of awe as the polls come in. I am just sick with dread as the results come in and the experts are all admitting that the projections were all wrong. There are variables that no one ever expected. What does that say about us as a country? What kind of wake up call does this represent to not just us but those around the world that are watching the insanity spread across all fifty states. I don’t want to watch anymore, but I can’t stop. This is a time where people want change and they’re willing to sell out their morals and beliefs to get it.

Here’s the thing we all have to understand. This entire election was a mistake and we have to own it. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow but at some point there’s going to be a reckoning day. I also want to make it clear that I support neither of these candidates and feel that we could have done so much better. There were other options, but we failed to see them. We look at the map and things are looking grim. We are heading toward a dark time people, and no one batted an eye or tried to see logic or reason. All I know is that I need a shower. After voting I felt ashamed for my country and I felt ashamed that I allowed myself to vote for someone that I didn’t like, but I had no other choice. Maybe in a few years I’ll look back and see that what I did was the right thing. In a few days maybe I can say I did what was expected of me and that’s the best I could do. For now I’m going to just breath and hope for a miracle, but in this race there is no miracle. Just a hope that things don’t slide too far out of control.



We’ve Lost Our Damn Minds

Am I the only one that watched the leaked Trump tape and laughed? Wait, before you start throwing shit at me and boycotting my books, let me explain myself and build some kind of defense. I also want to tell you that those men who are shocked and outraged by Trump’s remarks are liars. Most of them anyway. Here’s the thing that you have to understand and no, it doesn’t make make what Trump said any better. When you say you’re going to grab a chick by the pussy it isn’t meant to be heard outside of your circle of friends.The offended men are liars, they should just shut the fuck up. Seriously.

Do I support Trump in any way shape or form? Nope. I still think that Trump is a fucking idiot and anyone that votes for him should have their fucking heads examined. Why am I not outraged at what Trump said? It’s simple. I’m a dude. You should hear the way men talk about women when they’re with other dudes. You’d be shocked and ready to skin us all alive. It is it wrong? Of course it is, but we’re men and we talk about women. That’s what we do. Women, your husband and boyfriend does it too. We will see an attractive woman and point her out. We may say something like; “I’d like to bite that ass!”, or “Do fries come with that shake?” I bet women do it too. You women could probably put us to shame with your lewd comments. .

When you call a guy a rapist based on words alone you’re being a bit harsh and wrong. We objectify women in the company of other dudes, and we never ever rape them. Women shouldn’t be all that shocked by what Trump said. If we could, we’d grab a lot of women by the pussy and then just for shits and giggles we’d motor boat their titties. What I’m defending here are men who say stupid shit. It’s what we do. It’s not right and shouldn’t be heard outside of our circle of friends. When I heard the Trump tape I laughed because I have been with my friends and we’ve done the same thing. Should Trump know better? He has a dick. You can’t train a guy not to say shit like that. What would be horrifying is Trump actually grabbing women by the pussy as a way of greeting.

Now, I’m sure that there will be a lot of women angered by my comments and they’ll no doubt say that I should stop objectifying women. I have a dick, it’s just how I’m wired. Not going to happen anytime soon, but I have enough sense to keep my thoughts centered and for the most part respect women the way my mother taught me. I have enough sense to know that women are not pieces of meat and should never, ever under any circumstances be grabbed by the pussy. There is an exception to this rule. If the woman is your wife or girlfriend, then you grab ’em by the pussy. That’s the only time it’s acceptable. What I’m saying is Trump got caught being a man. Sure, he’s creepy, and an idiot, but he got grown women to say pussy. That’s fucking awesome!

I think as a culture we get offended too easily. Political correctness has gotten out of control. We now have to defend ourselves for what we say when we’re out with out friends. Our very words are being used to define who we are, and that ain’t right. As a society we have strayed away from free speech and into a place where we are ready to convict people for thought crime and hate speech just for having a different opinion than everyone else. How did we come to this? It’s all of our faults for allowing this to happen. We can no longer speak for fear that it’s going to offend someone. When you’re shocked by a leaked tape of men being men what’s next? How can we control our thoughts and design our words to be palatable to everyone? You can’t do it, there’s just no way. You’re always running the risk of offending someone.

That’s what you need to understand. I’m just trying to make people see how ridiculous this all is. We’re shocked for all the wrong reasons. There’s worse things to be offended by. I get that he’s a presidential candidate and all, but he’s still a guy. Doesn’t make it right or even better, but it is what it is. We approach an election year that is surreal and utterly terrifying, but what we have to remember is that these are our choices and we’re fucked. I mean really fucked. Neither one of these people should be running our country, but that’s just my opinion.